The Next Burgeoning Literary Trend: Dinosaur Erotica

dinosaur eroticaYes, this is real and apparently quite popular. A sub-genre of the fast-growing “monster erotica” book realm, softcore dinosaur porn is epitomized by authors Alara Branwen and Christie Sims, who claim to earn six figures churning out e-books for their obsessed fans. Jezebel offers a taste:

Azog stood, clad only in damp buckskins, waiting for the beast to slash at her torso until she lay helpless and bleeding on the damp cave floor. Instead, it reached out with a classed hand to snatch at her damp animal hide as it clung to one shoulder. Azog felt the kiss of sharp claws against her skin as the hide slid from her shoulder and exposed on naked, heaving breast.

A reptilian tongue, stiff and hot, dashed out to lick at the tender, naked flesh so suddenly exposed. Azog gasped at the touch, then gradually relaxed as her body warmed to the intoxicating sensation of the beast’s flesh against her own.

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  • Ted Heistman

    whoa! I should write this shit! I need cash!

    • Juan

      Do it and post samples here. We could all use a good chuckle:)

      • Ted Heistman

        No Fiction here. I’d have to bang a real dinosaur.

        • emperorreagan

          All it would take is a trip to the UK – serving up one elderly lizard.

          • Ted Heistman

            sexy!

          • error403

            Look at her brooch… it’s a lizard brained Grey.
            Quick, call that guy with the hair!

  • Cortacespedes

    Am I wrong in assuming that these new-genre “bodice rippers” will be found in the “Christian section” of your local book store?

    • emperorreagan

      Dinosaurs were clearly the Nephilim. It’s a historical fact that I found in the Bible.

  • Rex Vestri

    I call dibs on the following titles:

    “Liquor In Front, Raptor In The Rear”
    “Back-Door Brontosaurus Babes”
    “Hot For Helioceratops”
    “Dino Deliveries In The Rear”
    “Jainosaurus Jail Bait”
    And the best one….”Fifty Shades Of Gravisaurus”

    • http://pneumerology.com/ pneumerology

      Debbie Does Dilophosaurus
      Deep Paleontology

  • Liam_McGonagle

    Nice cover art.

    I often wonder about how surprised models might be when they see their photoshoots altered in some outrageous way. You know, like the way they airbrush dongs on those women in ads for transsexual phone sex.

    • Ted Heistman

      Those aren’t real?

  • doodahman

    Wilmaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

    • Madarakita

      OH NO, DOWN DINO. DOWN BOY!

  • Anarchy Pony

    Someone’s been to Cracked in the past couple days.

  • atlanticus

    Fascinating. How do they explain away the cloaca issue?

    • Cortacespedes

      Guess what? chicken butt! You know where? In your hair! You know why? Chicken thigh! Ya wanna know tha rest? Chicken breast!

      Sorry for that. I let my inner six year old post a comment. I hope that answered your question.

      • The Well Dressed Man

        Chicken Chicken Chicken. Chicken. Chicken^(chicken)/CH1CK3N

        • Cortacespedes

          Dude, that website was friggin hilarious!

      • atlanticus

        I’m mildly jealous that I never knew there was more than “guess what? chicken butt!”…

    • Ted Heistman
      • atlanticus

        O_O

        It took me a second to realize it was also shitting while getting an erection. Turtles are freaky.

        • Calypso_1

          Needs evolutionary psychosexual analysis.

          • atlanticus

            Does it? The more I learn about the mating habits of both humans and the rest of the animals, the more I am convinced that nothing at all is actually freaky. As far as I’m concerned, we’re all just bags of DNA near-randomly mashing into each other in various combinations to “scratch an itch” impulse.

            If you scroll down on the Jezebel article, someone posted an adorable video of a turtle humping a shoe. They describe the turtle as a “gentle lover”. This might have potential to become a new sub-genre of dino-porn…

          • Calypso_1

            I was thinking of Freud’s early work as a neurologist studying the sexual physiology of eels, that and the apparent overlap of ‘stages’ in this critter.

          • Calypso_1

            PS: Have you looked at the fascinating social life of velvet worms?
            http://www.geekpinoy.com/2013/08/pokemon-real-life-velvet-worm.html

    • Ted Heistman

      This is a must see too for your research:

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T7vKbOFFaow

  • http://pneumerology.com/ pneumerology

    This is old news. Where do you think the term Lounge Lizard came from?

  • Damg

    that triceratops has got the horn.

  • Damg

    “Jurassic Pork”
    “The Slammed Before Time”
    “Dogging with Dino’s”
    “Prehistoric Pump”
    “Night at the Museum”
    “The FlintBones”
    “Velos, He Raped Her” (sorry)
    “Doyouthinkshe’s Sore Arse?”

  • RemyC

    Oh man, there is so much hentai alien and monster porn CG art and animation online… some of it is really impressive. Try this 3dbeastporno dot com or 3dmonsterporn dot xxx, or type in monster porn in google.

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