Humans May Shrink Significantly In Size As Planet Warms

heightLuckily our elven descendents will have advanced technology to do all the heavy work for them. Via the International Business Times:

Humans will shrink significantly because of man-made climate change if patterns from previous global warming events are followed, a team of scientists from the University of Michigan has said. Mammals decreased in size “substantially” during two ancient global warming events, known as hyperthermals.

Study leader Philip Gingerich found that dwarfing occurred in mammals including primates during the Paleocene-Eocene “thermal maximum period” 55 million years ago. Mammals also shrank in another climate change 53 million years ago.

Jawbones and tooth fossils from early hoofed mammals and primates showed that horses were about the size of small dogs today. Over the following millennia the animals grew back to their pre-warming sizes.

The reason behind the shrinking was not known, although Gingerich said that lower nutritional value of plants in elevated carbon dioxide levels might be a cause.

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  • Chaos_Dynamics

    Shrink!

    Regards,

    Jello

  • Liam_McGonagle

    That’s ironic.

    For my part, I find shrinkage more a problem during a cold snap.

  • Airl

    At first I was worried that my meat would shrink and my woman would leave me, but then I remember her vag would shrink too. Phew.

  • kowalityjesus

    the premise for this theory is incongruent with modern sexual selection. Unless we revert to a stone age, modern evolution (or lack therof) will continue its strange course.

  • UncleB

    Nation of useless eaters! The Great Hulking American Neanderthal, product of the Upper Classes’ selective breeding programs, even from Mercantile times, bred to replace slave labour, bred from selected European stock, for size, physical power, passivity of nature, ease of control and ability to endure astounding hardships, for the exploitation of the “low hanging fruits’ of America, and required until the end of the Smoke Stack Era.(Circa 1960′s) – Is there truly a reason for Americans having larger physical statures than most others on earth, Asians? Is there really a place in modern, fully mechanized industry for high physical strength, high caloric intake, high maintenance cost creatures? Are they somehow magically sustainable and useful in the current world technology, ecology? Does it appear that dumbed down high school football stars given better breeding rites, scholarships and public adulation for their physiognomy, and spoiled sons and daughters of richer parents regardless of intelligence or potential, given seats in Colleges, Universities, has produced a superior pool of intelligentsia in America? A larger pool than in Asian countries, China? Has relentless, random, unplanned, drunken breeding produced a surplus population no longer needed in the new technocracy? Have the “puny”, smaller, faster, brighter, intellectually inclined “Nerds” been bred out of the American demographic? Deliberately? Is the age of rail-spikers, Timber-men, Paul Bunyans, Cowboys, the Marlboro man, Macho Hells Angels, Coal miners, Steelworkers, Bar -fighters, over? Do the Asian “nerds” really have a machine for all that? Can the “American Identity” survive the new, Global Reality? Will the morons in these comments, concerned more about size and shrinkage ever come to realize that the new Asian Reality comes with pre-shrinkage in comparison, but are still far superior creatures, with smaller caloric demand, carbon and ecological footprint, higher intellectual output, the lenders of the U.S.A.’s historically largest ever debt, one child per family humanitarians, not food stamp excuse makers for mongrel drunken breeding without concern for the yet unborn? Will the remnants of the once pristine America be restored, restructured, by these smaller faster smarter creatures wit smaller, less demanding genitalia? Will their smaller bodies help them survive where the Great American Neanderthal is force out of existence by lack of, or just poor medical care, starved out by food stamp cancellations? Can these little folk really survive on water and a bag of rice, some bugs and some greens? Why! Yes they can, and do! And no air-conditioning needed! Is the paradigm shifting? Is America really broke, printing money by the $85 billions each month to keep afloat, now that the gateway to U.S. warring and plundering lesser countries for their oil has been closed at Syria by the Russian/Chinese/Iranian/ U.N. collusion? Does this indicate a collision and retreat by U.S.A. from a now very powerful (economically at least) Pan Eurasian Alliance? Does it reflect a new image for the U.S. Jet fighter Airman to a small Chinese woman flying lethal drones from a bunker, deep beneath the ground in Asia? Crouched inside a Chinese Space Station far out of reach with the same task? Has Fuckoshima revealed the follies of U.S. designed, ‘pressure cooker”, enriched uranium systems? Herald in the Chinese Thorium LFTR technologies from the East? Can China escape its own pollution through science, catalytic converters? Thorium based nuclear? Solar, Wave, Wind, Hydro, Tidal, Geothermal, Biological advances? Three Gorges Dams? What has America done to keep up? Detroit City really shameful ruins? Nation of “Long Cocks” out making fatherless children? Food stamp victims? Cannon fodder for a near fuel-less Military Machine? A Military Industrial Complex, with no oil left? Industrial all moved to China now? Children now educated in schools rated 19th down the scale in this world?

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