Library Copy of ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ Tests Positive for Herpes and Cocaine

kittygreyA library copy of popular erotica novel Fifty Shades of Grey tested positive for the herpes virus and cocaine. There are far too many easy jokes I could make about this. Just supply some of your own in the comment section below. Just wash your hands afterward.

Via Time

Two Belgian university professors decided to apply their knowledge of toxicology screenings to the 10 most borrowed books at the Antwerp library. Each book underwent bacteriology and toxicology tests, and the findings reveal that library books are even more germ-covered than you expected.

While the experts found that all 10 books contained traces of cocaine–enough so that people who touched the books wouldn’t feel the effects, but might test positive for the drug–they also found something pretty gross: Fifty Shades of Grey, your weird aunt’s favorite mainstream erotic series, tested positive for traces of the herpes virus.

  • tibby trillz

    people read on coke?

  • VoxMagi

    More interestingly, when it was tested for literary content, not even a trace was found. In fact, several otherwise excellent books nearby were drained of their own worth simply by having been placed near the offending volumes.

  • Anarchy Pony

    Clearly all erotica should be printed on non stick surfaces and thoroughly disinfected when returned to the library.

  • The Well Dressed Man

    I’d feel better if the study compared levels of these substances to those found on cash. Banknotes are notoriously coke impregnated, as well as home to diverse bacteria populations.

  • PrimateZero

    I wonder how much fecal matter was found on Bill O’ Reilly’s “books”?

    • Anarchy Pony

      Not enough.