Satan’s Toy Box

Turmoil in a ToyboxThis crazy video features an insane look back on the toys and cartoons of the 1980’s by a couple of confused evangelical Christians who see the Devil in every detail. Author Phil Phillips and Pastor Gary Greenwald would be just a couple of bumbling buffoons if their brand of humorless hysteria hadn’t been part of a bigger trend that lead to the “Satanic Panic” of that era — a time when hundreds of unsubstantiated cases of so-called Satanic ritual abuse were reported around the United States.

The good people at i09 published a short version of this video. Here are some of their favorite bits:

• Dungeons & Dragons “game pieces” scream when you set them on fire!

• “It’s called necromology.”

• Darth looks “almost exactly” like the Norse god Odin

• Smurfs are blue with black lips… just like corpses.

• “There’s a form of witchcraft [in Star Wars] called ‘Obi witchcraft.'” Obi obi obi!

It’s all in good fun kids until you draw a direct line from a pastor obsessed with zombie Smurfs to the convictions of the West Memphis 3. Be careful when you see the Devil that you do not see him in a mirror.

There is a sevenish minute version of this floating around on the net. Here is the the full 90 minutes plus:

Stay Awake!

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30 Comments on "Satan’s Toy Box"

  1. Classic projection with hilarious results:)

  2. Anarchy Pony | Nov 8, 2013 at 4:19 pm |

    Absolutely epic fuckin’ lulz. Especially the Obi witchcraft.

  3. emperorreagan | Nov 8, 2013 at 4:20 pm |

    I was pretty excited when they were showing the 13 Ghosts of Scooby Doo, but then they cut back to the creepy child molester lookin’ guys.

    • emperorreagan | Nov 8, 2013 at 4:22 pm |

      Oh, wait, back to Scooby Doo!

      • emperorreagan | Nov 8, 2013 at 4:24 pm |

        Shit. Child molesters again. “The lord directed me to go on a 14 day fast so I went in a toy store!”

        I went on a 24 hour fast and broke it with Guinness in honor of my favorite deity.

        • emperorreagan | Nov 8, 2013 at 4:33 pm |

          I wonder if they put all those toys in their white van after the show and drove down to the local elementary school.

          • emperorreagan | Nov 8, 2013 at 4:46 pm |

            If only I had started watching earlier in the day, I could have live blogged the whole thing instead of working.

          • I think I have a sense for how that might have gone 🙂 Glad you’re enjoying the post. The short clip at i09 was hilarious, but there is so much more to love in this biggie size

          • emperorreagan | Nov 9, 2013 at 4:00 pm |

            It’s one stop shopping for mocking creepy evangelicals and nostalgia about things I loved as a kid.

  4. Daniel Gill | Nov 8, 2013 at 5:54 pm |

    Shit I learned a lot of cool occult stuff from that documentary. Thanks, Christians!

  5. DeepCough | Nov 8, 2013 at 6:46 pm |

    Not only is He-Man stronger than Jesus Christ, it has been scientifically proven

    that he can kick the shit out of Lion-O from the Thundercats, too.


  6. InfvoCuernos | Nov 8, 2013 at 7:35 pm |

    Its a good there are soldiers of God like these two, otherwise who would be brave enough to get up on tv in front of literally dozens of viewers and just talk out your ass about stuff you have no real clue about? I’d like to see a “Where are they now?” on Gary here.

    • InfvoCuernos | Nov 8, 2013 at 7:38 pm |

      Would you believe this asshat still -!STILL! – has a ministry and an online presence?!?! How is this possible? Unbelievable. Proof that God’s away on business.

      • The blonde “author” is the one who really rubs me the wrong way. He reeks of that special self-righteousness that’s reserved for the true believers

    • Misti McClure | Nov 9, 2013 at 12:39 am |

      I had the same thought…I considered looking into what they’ve done since this.

  7. “the demonstration of God’s power”


  8. If only we had listened back then, we would not now be living in a nightmarish dystopia of gay marriage and black presidents.

  9. trompe l'oiel | Nov 9, 2013 at 1:18 pm |

    Yea, The bible doesn’t really mention imagination very much.

  10. BrianApocalypse | Nov 9, 2013 at 2:06 pm |

    Let these men and their ilk flail in confusion! We know these things for what they really are.

    Operation Mindfuck level 1.

    Fuck the pinkos!

Comments are closed.