Via The Poke: UK Government Announces Bold New Plan To Kill Everyone

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UK government to jump on the immanentizing the eschaton bandwagon?

Satire. Sort of.

via The Poke

Death News: The government has outlined far reaching plans to kill everyone in the UK, through high energy prices, dismantling the NHS and crushing debt.

Recent reports say that winter deaths went up by nearly 30% last year, a figure the government claim is a ‘significant start’ in their plans to kill everybody.

“We’ve made a promising start in reducing the numbers of old and poor people by making fuel so expensive, but these are still early days in our plan to kill you all,” said a senior government spokesman.

“We shall now focus on the rest of the population, by removing healthcare and making existence so expensive we hope many people will just choose to kill themselves instead of ploughing through this shit for another year.”

The government says that anyone struggling through the winter months should seek urgent advice, from a noose.

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  • Anarchy Pony

    Always nice to see some fresh new ideas.

  • Juan

    Satire along the lines of A Modest Proposal. Very timely.
    This shit’s getting downright Dickensian.

  • Cortacespedes

    Following the American example. Very good.

    So, if one were interested in consulting this “noose”; does the government help provide access or is it a simply “tie your own” endeavor?

    • Iuwus

      it’s a ‘tie your own’ affair. energy company response to getting a severe telling off by the government is to send out vaguely discordian leaflets telling everyone how they can be saving money to pay for their bills :)

  • trompe l’oiel

    a lot of jest is said in truth.

  • Cortacespedes

    Ahhh, I see how this could inspire a body to “tie ones own”.

    And I imagine after the first consultation, you’ll see a very drastic reduction in your energy consumption habits.

    • Iuwus

      No doubt.