“You only have to look at that hand thing Jay Z does, or Lindsay Lohan’s tattoos, or the Guardian’s articles on quinoa to know that everyone is part of the great conspiracy” of the Illuminati, according to the firmly tongue-in-cheek PassNotes at The Guardian:
Name: The Illuminati.
Appearance: A pyramid with an eye on it, a hand signal, a tattoo on a rapper’s back, a giant lizard dressed as the Queen. Take your pick.
Really? Are we still pretending that the Illuminati is a thing? Of course it’s a thing. Haven’t you seen the signs? Haven’t you read Dan Brown? Haven’t you heard We Do, the Stonecutters’ Song, from that episode of The Simpsons?
You’re referencing works of fiction here. It’s fact. He might look like a simpering, polo-necked millionaire, but Brown exposed the real truth about the Illuminati.
Which is? It’s a shadowy conspiracy that has existed since the dawn of time, secretly pulling the strings of every major organisation in the world. It manipulates finances and dictates policy so as to usher in a terrifying new world order.
The dawn of time? But it’s only 237 years old. Well, if you want to swallow society’s blue pill, then we’re discussing the Bavarian Illuminati, a secret society opposed to superstition, abuse of state power and religious influence that was formed in 1776 and disbanded in 1785. But that’s what they want you to think. The truth is much more sinister. Even celebrities are in on it.
Really? Yes, according to the latest, absolutely conclusive, reports. Look at Lindsay Lohan‘s tattoos. Or Lady Gaga’s videos. Or that hand thing thatJay Z does. Or the way Barack Obama shakes hands with the pope….
[continues at PassNotes at The Guardian]