But I’m a Nice Guy

A few weeks ago we learned that Patriarchy Is Misandry, and that some men’s rights activists are horrible people. A friend shared this video with me and figured it’s worth sharing with you all. Please share your thoughts and opinions.

But I’m A Nice Guy from Scott Benson on Vimeo.

via Vimeo

A quick editorial cartoon about the intersection of self-pity, entitlement, rape, territoriality, misogyny and fear of women. You see it all over the place online in the form of Men’s Rights Activists (of whom there are a few reasonable non-misogynists), Men Going Their Own Way, Pick Up Artists, and dudes touting the “Red Pill”, because The Matrix is a good movie. Look any of these up if you have the stomach for it. These are extreme examples, but watered-down forms of these ideas are everywhere.

In lurking their blogs and youtube channels for a while, I’ve noticed that beyond the standard patriarchal chauvinism there is this deep fear of women – what they will do to me, how they will reject me, how they will use me, how they are changing society in a way that does not favor me, how they are making men into something I don’t like, how they are making themselves into something I don’t like, that they won’t give me what I want, and that they won’t give me what I think is rightfully mine. This goes beyond fear of feminism- this is fear of women at its purest. And that, to quote a puppet, leads to anger and hate. It’s sad.

I am a feminist. I think there’s enough ice cream to go around, but it does mean those of us with 3 scoops might have to give one or two up. Also, The Matrix is a fun movie but probably not anything you should be basing a philosophy on.

, , , , , ,

  • American Cannibal

    If you share icecream with women, they may have sex with you.

    • mannyfurious

      Well, at the very least, THEY SHOULD.

      • American Cannibal

        It’s only fair! Ladies, pay attention: Every act of sharing from a man should be reciprocated, sexually.

        • mannyfurious

          Amen. If they gave me ice cream, I’d sleep with them… if they were willing… which they’re usually not….

          • American Cannibal

            And after all that it just comes down to numbers, numbers, numbers.

  • Aram Jahn

    Brother Elias- I’m so freaking naive; it seems like this “rape culture” stuff happened over the last few years while I was doing other things. I’ve begun to pay attention to some of it, and you’re right: it begins to get depressing.

    But, taking a page from Korzysbski, let us try to EXTENSIONALIZE these men who are protesting, or crying/acting out like clueless 13 yr old boys. Some of them are terrified because they don’t understand that the government has been bought by billionaires and their jobs (or the ones that pay anything close to a decent wage) are NOT coming back. They don’t read or think very well, so they’re looking for someone to blame, and they turn to popular media – which is filled with fascists and people Wilhelm Reich called “Loudmouths” who are only too willing to Divide and Conquer. It’s the old game from here to eternity: divide and conquer. While some of this misdirected misogyny seems hellaciously toxic (okay: most of it), I feel sorry for these guys. The issue is economic; they see it as The World Being Dumped On Them By Women.

    It’s up to us to try to get those who will understand that women are our allies and it’s the 1% who are the True Enemy…and even the 1% don’t seem like Happy People to me. But we can’t worry about them right now; not while they’re developing a narrative that We are Nazis because we dare to suggest they should pay their fair share in taxes, etc.

    With the even more fucked-up misogynist men, the cognitive scientist/kick-ass neurolinguist George Lakoff says that if we use our language to urge, in effect, that the messages they’re screaming about are wrong and here’s why, we’re buzzing the circuits in their brains that activate their toxic, idiotic, worldviews regarding women. Lakoff says even – paraphrasing here – fascist assholes have experienced moments of equity, male-female complementarity, etc: those circuits in their brains are dormant, but still there. So rather than engaging them on their turf and telling them they’re wrong with these ideas, FRAME your messages about women and fear and the economy and love/sex in a way that buzzes those dormant circuits. Most women are hurting in this economy too, and so they are probably afraid also. This could be why such a division has been sewn: bio-survival anxiety: no jobs, less and less money, fear of losing our own self-respect and integrity because of the Winner-Take-All gaming of the Economy by Neoliberalism and Neocons alike, etc.

    There are other misogynistic assholes that seem to me beyond help.

    Long ago I cultivated an opposite response to “women.” While I know they’re just people and hell yea: some women are terrible people, most are like us and want peace, nurturance, good communication, laughter, and love. Like us. So I go into the world seeing Women as goddesses, my default position. It’s up to each individual one to disabuse me of this model. But each case, each individual woman is a uniqueness. Why? That’s how I’d want to be treated by women. I don’t want to be seen as Here’s Yet Another Repressive Man, first impression. This position seems to have worked well for me, and I’m not a handsome dude with a lot of money, either.

    YMMV.

    • echar
      • Adam’s Shadow

        Holy shit, bravo sir. I fucking love this song.

        It may sound like Enya, but it’s some of the best stuff Maynard has ever done. Absolutely beautiful and poignant.

        • echar

          Is that the first time you’ve heard it?

          • http://hormeticminds.blogspot.com/ Chaorder Gradient

            I don’t think thats the first time you linked it, I know i heard it in a comment here(suspect from you), and loved it the first time too.

          • echar

            You are correct.

          • Adam’s Shadow

            Not at all, I just love this song. Puscifer is a highly underrated group, and it seems to be his musical focus right now.

          • echar

            There is supposed to be another APC album coming soon. Don’t forget about his wine, as well.

      • Lookinfor Buford

        Something in common? I totally dig Keenan..
        It’s ironic and funny though, a bona fide misanthrope like him, singing these words. What happened to “flush it down”, maynard?

        • echar

          Aenima was released in 1996. Compare that to songs on 10,000 Days. For example Right in Two. It can be deduced that he adapted as a human, or said more simply, he grew up.

    • BP

      You see women as goddesses. Do you see men as gods?

      • Calypso_1

        Deification occurred where?

      • MilitantRubberDucky

        No, he sees them as human and equal to men. The fac that you interpret it as treating them like gods implies you think men are gods.

        • Calypso_1

          More likely see their self as one.

        • BP

          “So I go into the world seeing Women as goddesses, my default position”. Direct quote from Aram John. Are you slow or just failed to read his comment? A simple question, yet no answer…

  • gustave courbet

    feminism |ˈfeməˌnizəm|nounthe advocacy of women’s rights on the grounds of political, social, and economic equality to men.

    • Harley Williford

      that definition does not exclude the possibility that such a movement would attract women who blindly hate men

      • gustave courbet

        Any movement is by definition made up of a large group of people who have a wide array of beliefs and ideas. That some percentage of those people are going to be reactionary or totalitarians in their bent is impossible to avoid. I was pointing out this definition of the term, not how people abuse or misunderstand it, be they ‘man haters’ or chauvinistic misogynists. You can say Republicans are white supremacists or Democrats are Stalinists because some members of their respective groups self-identify with those labels, but there is a leap in logic made in applying those labels generally.

    • Lookinfor Buford

      Social equality is a myth. It cannot be engineered. Isn’t it obvious that attempts to do so have only led to and increase in divisiveness?

      • http://hormeticminds.blogspot.com/ Chaorder Gradient

        I think its doable, just not forcible. It requires the wind to erode aspects of the argument rather than a fire tempering them.

      • gustave courbet

        Like the Magna Carta, classical liberalism, the US Constitution, women’s suffrage, the civil rights movement? Social equality is a goal, not a guarantee, and it’s pursuit has lead to a demonstrably more egalitarian society since the beginning of the enlightenment. We have a long steep road ahead, but I think it’s better than regressing back towards arbitrary rule by hereditary dictators who decree who has rights.

        • Lookinfor Buford

          Political != Social
          All you’re examples are about political equality. social equality/justice is a (vaguely defined) myth. Welfare, FICA, Medicare, all intended to be based on need, not ‘social fairness’. lately there are many attempts to engineer this ‘fairness’ in the form of wealth-redistribution, racial quotas, all sorts of pandering to minorities. Why do you think everybody wants to be a minority nowadays ;). All these are misguided, all are detrimental, all are impossible to achieve. Social state or status depends on the individual, period.

      • Eric_D_Read

        The troubling shift is from equal opportunity, which is also near-impossible to engineer but you can come fairly close, to equal outcome, which can only result in a totalitarian dystopia if left unchecked.
        Western progressives have long since abandoned any pretense of the former and embraced the latter wholeheartedly.

  • http://hormeticminds.blogspot.com/ Chaorder Gradient

    Theres always extremists on both sides of any argument. The best mode of action is to let them kill eachother and laud the hybrid theories to win out. Those ideas that know both sides have problems, and both sides have truths.

    • Eric_D_Read

      In that type of scenario it’s best to have them evenly matched.
      Yet while one side is firmly embedded in Academia INC, every aspect of mainstream media, has enough clout that any major corporation at least has to pay them lip service, and funded with hundreds of millions of dollars globally; the other side has a handful of bloggers saying, “the empress has no clothes!” while a few more are standing around saying things that vary from “holy shit he’s right!” to “grumble grumble; I got screwed in my divorce,now all women suck!”.

      • http://hormeticminds.blogspot.com/ Chaorder Gradient

        Funny though, that I honestly couldnt tell which side you were talking in favor for until you said “the empress has no clothes!”. not saying you’re on the extreme side (you seem more sensible than that) but we really need the Men’s favorite feminist, and the Women’s favorite MRA to have a conversation rather than the extremes doing it. (Or maybe toss some female MRA’s and some male feminists into the conversation… no maybe not…)

  • Harley Williford

    look there are a lot of things I don’t like about MRAs, pity much all the same things I don’t like about feminist. You can’t really want to be equal to some one you look down on, however I do think both camps are made up of fairly reasonable people and it’s just the extreme bigots that draw the most attention.I think the wrighter problem is that she is threatened by the fact some people are standing up and saying it’s not ok to hate men any more than its ok to hate women. If you really cared about equality you wouldn’t need to be told that.

  • American Cannibal

    You wouldn’t be related to Cunt Destroyer of Gothamist by any chance, would you?

  • American Cannibal

    I blame authoritarian mothers and neglectful fathers for producing “But I’m a Nice Guy” D-bags.

  • Hadrian999

    all life is conflict. to improve your own position you must reduce someone else’s position. hey more power to you but don’t expect someone else to let you take from them without a fight

    • Andrew

      Recent science on the role of cooperation in biology and evolution disproves that dogma. Did you know that the majority of the cells in your body aren’t human?

  • gustave courbet

    I see your point, but it doesn’t refute mine. Police that murder are as guilty of repudiating the legitimacy of their positions as are ‘man-hating’ feminists.

    • Eric_D_Read

      Certainly it does. Whatever a group claims to be about doesn’t mean that’s what it is.
      Feminism’s claim to want equality is about as accurate in describing their true actions as republicans who claim to be about small government.
      Both claims ring just as hollow when measured against each group’s actions.

      • gustave courbet

        Feminism is a word, not an entity that can make claims. Feminists who don’t want equality aren’t feminists, but are using an idea for their own purposes. If Obama claims to believe in liberalism and then repudiates that claim with his actions, do you reject liberalism or Obama?

      • gustave courbet

        A NOTE: I am replying to your response to my comment below but because it is awaiting moderation, it won’t let me reply to you, even though it will allow me to read it.

        You’re still missing my point apparently. The dictionary definition of feminism excludes people who are not proponents of equal rights, regardless of what they call themselves. I can call myself a dolphin but that doesn’t make it so. I’m not using some personal definition to define my terms here, just the dictionary. Your Scotsman fallacy applies to people who modify definitions to their liking, like those ‘man-hating’ feminists. As far as the tenuous nature of ‘equality,’ how about we start with income disparity: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:US_gender_pay_gap,_by_sex,_race-ethnicity.001.png

        Again, I don’t disagree that some people that call themselves feminists are entirely missing the point of the reform movement and becoming reactionaries, nor would I disagree that women have it better in the west today then they did 50 years ago. My initial point was that ‘man-hating’ women who purport to be feminists are not feminists by definition. Its like being a fascist anti-fascist. It’s a contradiction in terms.

  • echar

    Women are more valuable to our perpetuity as a species. This is likely why women and children should be rescued first.

    • American Cannibal

      But what about population control? Isn’t that also valuable to the perpetuity as a species, arguably more important now than additional bodies?

      • echar

        One can argue that less maladjusted males is a boon to society. Considering a man can impregnate several women, and a woman’s normal gestation is 9 months.

        More women who know they are valuable to society is also a boon. They can then pass this feeling of value to their children.

        I trust you are intelligent enough to connect the dots with the harm a maladjusted or absent parent can wrought.

        The stake to the heart of what I sense to be a tongue in cheek response (I hope). Overpopulation is a myth.

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7QWAXWhtSCQ
        http://overpopulationisamyth.com/

        • American Cannibal

          Tongue-firmly-in-cheek.

          But it’s misleading to say overpopulation is a myth by contrasting the difference of a country lifestyle vs city lifestyle. Not everyone in the country is a farmer, and they don’t necessarily have a greater economic need for more children, even if they are farmers. We have tractors for that now, and Mexicans.

          We should pay attention to the total carrying capacity of the earth under sustainable economic conditions and energy resources in order to determine, or guess, the tipping point for overpopulation, and ultimately, if an new energy solution cannot be found, a Biblical population collapse.

          It’s clear that the mere inertia of the current affluent consumption rates, coupled with the decreasing easy oil and coal supplies that fuel Globalization, are pulling us far beyond the natural carry capacity of the planet. And if these local energy sources like the Hess Express start to raise prices because of short supply, raise them up until the gasoline basically disappears from commercial use, where does that leave the population?

          Either a new, cheaper and easy energy source would have to be developed and spread around before the above happens, you know to keep growth going Up. Or, very suddenly, we have the overpopulation you say is a myth. There is going to be millions of people on the East Coast who can’t eat because food can’t be shipped in. Imagine we have 50 million people in urban areas all up and down the Atlantic who suddenly have to go out and farm to keep themselves alive? Plenty of space in Kansas, sure, but not enough food to go around to start them off on the first few growing seasons when their still green city people w/o skills. See? Those city people would DIE in Kansas.

          Anyway, I’m sure you’re intelligent enough to connect the dots I laid out because my dad and mom were maladjusted, so I know what it was like walking on hand grenades growing up. Conditional love and all that. But I digress. My tongue hurts.

          • echar

            Either a new, cheaper and easy energy source would have to be developed and spread around before the above happens, you know, to keep growth going Up.

            We better get cracking, and start innovating. We could start adopting technology that’s already available, but not widely used yet. Vertical farming for example.

            Also you may have missed the link I provided, besides the video.

          • American Cannibal

            I believe we are cracking as hard as we can at this point.

          • echar
          • American Cannibal

            No thank you. Once is enough. Glad I’m aware this exists so I can spot it next time.

        • American Cannibal

          I had to watch this video twice to really savor its slick pro-Globalization logic. Nice propaganda.

          You surprised me, echar.

          • echar

            We could just give people aids, oh hey maybe we could release the plague that they found in those 1500 year old teeth. That should fix things. You can keep your fear. Not interested.

          • American Cannibal

            Stop belly-aching. Let’s move on.

          • echar

            Stop spreading nonsense.

          • American Cannibal

            You stop spreading nonsense. It takes two to tango – sperm enters the egg. Males and females are both needed for the task. Get over it.

          • echar

            One of the myths surrounding the myth of overpopulation is that AIDS was created in a lab to depopulate. The fearful story goes that the elite/Illuminati intended for it to kill the unsavory people. Such as minorities, gays, and i.v. drug users. My intentional was to throw a barb directly at the heart of the nonsense that you are supporting.

            *edit, I moved this from above.

          • echar

            Oops wrong comment.

        • misinformation

          You surprised me, too. I never considered that I’d hear you fighting against the anti-human (hyperbolic, sure) hoarders that populate disinfo, amongst, well, virtually every other place. How wrong does Malthus have to be before the sunlight shows through the cracks?

          Bravo, sir.

  • jasonpaulhayes
    • American Cannibal

      Damn. I zoned out on this… is he talking about his mom or his dad’s wife?

  • John Pettimore

    The Matrix actually has some dialog that perfectly describes the hopeless beta who wrote this miserable little article, in the desperate hope of female approval. Quoting Morpheus:

    “The Matrix is a system, Neo. That system is our enemy. But when you’re
    inside, you look around, what do you see? Businessmen, teachers,
    lawyers, carpenters. The very minds of the people we are trying to save.
    But until we do, these people are still a part of that system and that
    makes them our enemy. You have to understand, most of these people are
    not ready to be unplugged. And many of them are so inured, so hopelessly
    dependent on the system, that they will fight to protect it”

    And here, ladies and gentlemen, you have a perfect example.

  • AlFromBayShore

    I watched this video and it doesn’t say anything. It’s point is to say that those who have taken the so-called “red pill” are afraid of women but the video never takes the time to explain why this is so. It merely makes an accusation but does nothing to prove that accusation. Watch the video and you’ll see for yourself. This video reminds me of what tends to happen in religions that are adopted by people who do not think. They become like sheep and follow a set of ideas without thinking of those ideas and anyone who questions the idea is ostracized and shamed for raising questions about the adopted set of ideas. This video uses shame as a weapon and that weapon is used as a substitute for facts to validate the claim. Benson never validates his claim, he makes accusations and uses those accusations to shame anyone who thinks differently than he does.