Katy Perry Believes In Aliens, Plans To Ask Obama About Them

Photo: oouinouin (CC)

Photo: oouinouin (CC)

Well Katy, do you think that Barry will tell you what he really knows? From her new GQ interview:

She is, in every way, a California gurl. “I see everything through a spiritual lens,” she says. “I believe in a lot of astrology. I believe in aliens.”

Uh, what?

“I look up into the stars and I imagine: How self-important are we to think that we are the only life-form? I mean, if my relationship with Obama gets any better, I’m going to ask him that question. It just hasn’t been appropriate yet.”

Relationship with Obama?

“I might have won Wisconsin for him,” she says. “Actually, I didn’t do too much, but he called on me a couple of times. Which was very nice.”

majestic

Majestic is gadfly emeritus.

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29 Comments on "Katy Perry Believes In Aliens, Plans To Ask Obama About Them"

  1. I’m not sure I understand any of this, so I’d be happy if Katy Perry wished to discuss with me at length about these and any other subjects, if only to practice what she would say to Obama. Or something…

    • American Cannibal | Jan 26, 2014 at 10:18 pm |

      She’s a coke head.

      • InfvoCuernos | Jan 26, 2014 at 11:57 pm |

        …so it shouldn’t be too hard to get her talking.

      • Thanks for the heads up! Though I’m curious: will she bring her own or am I expected to supply her with some? I wasn’t aware that there would be a rider for this ‘event’ (why must my weird fantasies about famous people always end up so very complicated)…

        • American Cannibal | Jan 27, 2014 at 11:53 am |

          Don’t worry about it, Doktor! I got you covered with bankable advice…Trust me. I know from experience:

          When dealing with coke head celebrities, always keep a gram on you at all times. Share liberally (but secretly) only with the celeb, not their D-bag friends. That’s how you earn their trust, and it’s an incentive to keep you inside the circle for the nighttime play. Be cool, and, above all, have fun. And when the gram is gone, she’ll gladly call-up her connect to keep the party going.

          Word of warning: Whatever you do, don’t ever ask to take a fan photo, or say what a fan you are of their music, or ask for a signature. That’s fucking lame and a total turn off. You should talk to your coke head celeb like she’s your bestie, and reveal something personal and private about yourself (the more embarrassing, in a cute way, the better – nothing gross that reveals your creepiness).

          Pro-tip: Isolation and privacy are key. Get your fav coke head celeb to invite you back to their house/hotel by suggestion, never explicit. It has to be ‘their’ idea. For more on that, read How to Make Friends and Influence People.

          You’re welcome.

  2. At least God answered her prayer for big tits.

  3. kowalityjesus | Jan 26, 2014 at 10:54 pm |

    I think the late aughts/early teens are going to be looked at with puzzlement. What generated these gaudy, costum-ed stars and why were they famous while making nothing resembling worthwhile music?

    • Indeed.

      A few years back that Autotune shit was so thick on the radio that there was a cohort of kids who actually thought singing was supposed to sound like that.

      Tragic.

      Much like your prognostication, I predicted that one day we’d all look back at the Grunge era and wonder “Why?”.

      I think we’re there, but I never imagined what came after would be even worse. Not that I wasn’t jaded enough, it just scarcely seemed possible at the time.

      BRB, I need to run some kids off my lawn.

    • Liam_McGonagle | Jan 27, 2014 at 10:23 am |

      Maybe so.

      But I think it’s more likely that they’ll be looked upon as a turning point: the point where Mass Culture finally died, choked to death on its on inanity.

      From the point of view of diversity and the improvements in quality we’re supposed to expect from competition, that can only be a good thing.

      • Rhoid Rager | Jan 27, 2014 at 2:41 pm |

        Yeah, we need to stop all this collaborating and cooperating. It just produces more of the same. I mean Jay Z and Justin Timberlake? Seriously?

        • kowalityjesus | Jan 27, 2014 at 6:43 pm |
          • Calypso_1 | Jan 27, 2014 at 7:16 pm |

            What about them? John Todd is a thoroughly discredited fantasist that made a career off of xtian ignance & love of the heebie jeebies.
            Thx to him and his ilk many wayward souls found their way out of the jesus death cult and learned the sweet embrace of sex, drugs & rock n’roll.

          • kowalityjesus | Jan 28, 2014 at 2:54 pm |

            mmk, thank you for giving a coup de grace to this paradigm, i was having a hard time coping with it.

          • Calypso_1 | Jan 28, 2014 at 3:50 pm |

            I think the coup de grace might be that John Todd was a serial rapist and liked to diddle little girls.
            ….and that was during his ‘ministry’. The Lord of course forgives all.
            then there is the whole white supremacy thing.
            You see I grew up with this shit and people that fawned over it as evidence for the power of god. I got to hear this charlatan/mental case speak. Listening to him talk about his fun times doing acid and watching his face transform in a mirror while satan mocked him made me realize that I had to get out of my cultural of rearing asap. That and I really had to get a hold of some sid.

    • Go back to your rocking chair telling kids to get off your lawn.

    • Oh hey cool my grandparents are here.

      • kowalityjesus | Jan 29, 2014 at 11:19 am |

        If you think Katy Perry is good music, you should pray for the senility that comes with age. It would be an improvement.

  4. InfvoCuernos | Jan 26, 2014 at 11:51 pm |

    “How self important are we…” and then goes on to claim that she won Wisconsin for Obama. Do they even hear themselves when they talk, or are they speaking in a sound booth with headphones on? I wonder why she thinks Obama would tell her if he knew there were aliens in the first place. Its not like you could count on her to keep a secret like that.

  5. The B’otch married one!

  6. BuzzCoastin | Jan 27, 2014 at 12:32 am |

    And the prankquean went for her forty years’ walk in Turnlemeem and she punched the curses of cromcruwell with the nail of a top into the jiminy and she had her four larksical monitrix to touch him his tears and she provorted him to the onecertain allsecure and he became a tristian. So then she started raining, raining, and in a pair of chvangers, be dom ter, she was back again at Jarl von Hoother’s and the Larryhill with her under her abromette. And why would she halt at all if not by the ward of his mansionhome of another nice lace for the third charm? And Jarl von Hoother had his hurricane hips up to his pantry

  7. It is kind of self-centered to believe that we’re the only intelligent species in this incomprehensibly vast universe.

    It’s also kind of self-centered to believe that, out of all the places in this incomprehensibly vast universe, the aliens would pick our backwater little world to travel to–so they can pal around with our president, zoom around in our desert for the fleeting entertainment of people living out in the sticks, and chat with NASA via radio on the not-very-strict proviso that everybody kind of sort of tries to keep it quiet.

    (Not saying she’s right or wrong about aliens, but as long as we’re using our position on them as an evaluation of our self-centeredness…)

  8. Liam_McGonagle | Jan 27, 2014 at 10:20 am |

    Things really went downhill when Russell kicked her to the curb, didn’t they?

Comments are closed.