McGruff Crime Dog Actor Busted For Drugs, Guns

Pic: USMC (CC)

Pic: USMC (CC)

Imagine a story reporting the death of Ronald McDonald by a Big Mac-induced myocardial infarction, (known commonly as a “Big Mac Attack”).

VIA First Coast News

John Russell Morales, 41, an actor who once played the crime-fighting cartoon bloodhound, has been sentenced to nearly two decades behind bars after pleading guilty to possessing 1,000 marijuana plants and a cache of nearly 30 weapons — including a grenade launcher and thousands of ammunition rounds.

Morales was arrested in 2011 after Galveston, Texas, police and drug-sniffing dogs — real dogs, that is — stopped him for speeding, according to Assistant U.S. Attorney Michael Kusin, who later prosecuted the case.

Authorities discovered diagrams of two indoor pot-growing operations and an abundance of marijuana seeds in Morales’ Infinity, according to the Houston Chronicle newspaper.

Keep reading.

 

 

 

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  • http://americancannibal.org/ American Cannibal

    Speeding while riding dirty… Dumb Ass.

    • http://americancannibal.org/ American Cannibal

      McGruff is a party animal, every knows that! He’s naked under that trench, btw. Likes to flash the Bitches when he gets loaded.

    • BuzzCoastin

      maybe just high on his celebrity status

  • http://www.youtube.com/ac1dchr15t ac1d

    A fully geared military officer, a wigger lion, and a dog in a trench coat holding up a peace sign…Murrica.

    • http://americancannibal.org/ American Cannibal

      I voted down for the unnecessary use of ‘wigger’.

      • http://www.youtube.com/ac1dchr15t ac1d

        Well whatever the politically correct term for a white lion that looks like its trying to be black is.

        • Thurlow Weed

          Almost no one tries to look black who is not. What some do is try to affect a hip, cool look or presentation, which in America is bound up closely with black culture. Wigger is an unacceptable term as much as nigger is. I hope you get that.

        • DeepCough

          Due to the lack of bling, turned baseball cap, drooping
          pants, or any other attempt to mimic mainstream hip-hop
          stylings, I’m afraid the term “wigger” does not apply here.

  • BuzzCoastin

    entrapped while speeding
    just another good reason to ditchbthe car addictoon

    the automobile engendered the police state in aMerka

    • echar

      ***

      • https://twitter.com/anti_euclidean ÿ

        horses make their own fertilizer

        • echar

          I am visualizing a modern alternate universe where horse/buggy is the main mode of transport. Perhaps where the Amish way of life spread, and certain technologies are outlawed. Crimes against beards happen.

          • http://americancannibal.org/ American Cannibal

            Those Amish are huge drug runners.

          • echar

            It’s a great diversion.

          • https://twitter.com/anti_euclidean ÿ

            As long as I can executive produce, we’re all set…

          • echar

            Good show!

          • https://twitter.com/anti_euclidean ÿ

            The more I thought about it, the more this had the makings of a pretty cool alternate history scenario. So I thought about what the lynchpin would be. No years of “research” on this one, so yadayadayada…

            The Spanish Armada of 1588…

            There are no logistical delays, there is no successful English counter maneuver with fire ships, and there is no storm to destroy and scatter the fleet.

            England is reconquered by the Catholics, with serious repercussions for all European Protestants (and Jews, for that matter). Also consider that with Catholic Spain would likely not have spread chattel slavery, or at least not nearly to the degree it was, and it almost certainly would not have developed anything like the racist power structure that would come to fruition in the “United States”.

            So let’s say without chattel slavery and English “entrepreneurialism”, the Catholic Church makes a proclamation across all its dominion: convert, or exile to the Americas. However, most Europeans being the pragmatists they are (lol) convert rather than exile. Or they move to non-Catholic Europe, whatever. But we can still probably posit English to New England, Dutch to New Amsterdam, Germans to Pennsylvania, French to Louisiana & New France, etc.

            No unifying principle or racial divide or imperial urges now drive the European presence in the Americas. So they ultimately remain concentrated on the Atlantic seaboard and parts of the Gulf Coast. The Native Americans recover from the initial scourge of disease and confrontation with superior technology due to their superior culture and social cohesion.

            Back in Europe, the religious battles continues, even fiercer than the history we remember. I won’t speculate too much, but let’s say that this continues to drive some emigration, which will eventually turn into a serious brain drain.

            Eventually the Spanish are so wrapped up in the conflict raging in Europe, they become only nominally in control in the Americas, triggering the Enlightenment to happen in the areas where American, European, and African cultures come together for socio-economic purposes. In contrast to “our” Enlightenment, the American Enlightenment is a true syncretism across cultures, vastly more free thinking, nature conscious, and peaceful.

            With that in mind, in the above image Charlton Heston as “Mosis” is the bespectacled, pipe-smoking, bearded nominal leader of the Free Counties of Pennsylvania, which is some kind of hodgepodge of Quakers, Amish, German mystics, etc. Let’s say for whatever reason they are the dominant “European” power in North America.

            Accompanying Mosis are two elders from the dread Rasta pirates known as the Maroons. The Maroons are a vaguely anarchistic society loosely patterned after some of the free pirate states in “our” history. The Maroons now sail the seven seas, but they largely prefer to stay in the Caribbean, which they dominate from their stronghold on Jamrock.

            James Carville is the Evil Pope (redundant, I know). Nuff said.

            Damn, this shit writes itself. Maybe it’s time for a kickstarter? ;)

          • echar

            Sure, I could use money and a challenging creative outlet.

            I feel there needs to be a group that broke off of the Amish Order (AO) due to frustration and the impending stagnation through strict anti tech dogma. Let’s say it’s been roughly 50 years since the first small group splintered, and they are beginning to culture converts through a Promethean secret society known amongst themselves as the Pioneers (Pi/π).

          • https://twitter.com/anti_euclidean ÿ

            Ooh, yes. The seeds of the Enlightenment were already well planted in Germany, and they definitely had an affinity for hermeticism and esoteric lore.

            I started thinking about some context for Neo-North America, and why Pennsylvania would remain so resolutely anti-tech (relatively speaking).

            Well, let’s say that the Dutch, English, and French continue to be antagonistic towards each other’s colonies in NNA. Their smaller populations bases inevitably push them towards industrialism, making New Amsterdam, New England, and New France the crucible of the Industrial Revolution.

            The Germans, meanwhile, have had to deal with internal strife within their own communities and lack the strong nationalistic programming of their other European compatriots. In NNA, they tend to gravitate towards pacifism and closer relations with the Native communities. In short order, Pennsylvania would look like paradise to the war-weary masses of the cluster fuck that is the “Holy Roman Empire.”

            The Protestants stay largely north of the Chesapeake and west of the Hudson. The Catholic Germans find Virginia more to their liking anyways. However the Commonwealth of Virginia would still be more culturally tied to Pennslyvania. Perhaps there is even some kind of larger American-Deutsch Confederation. Heck, I’ll even align the Dutch in New Amsterdam here, since the Dutch were incompetent colonizers (by comparison) and wouldn’t have the population base of their mortal foes in New England.

            To the south, centered in coastal Georgia and Florida is España Nueva. In NNA, Georgia is settled much like historical Georgia, with convicts, only it’s more on the scale of Australia in this scenario. España Nueva is neglected by mother Spain, much like in the our history. As a result, we get our American cuello rojo. The cuello rojos are too weak to be a threat to anyone, though they are just strong enough to provide a check to the inland expansionist Creek/Cherokee Alliance.

            Also, a little bit of historical context for Jamaica, in case you’re not familiar. The Spanish imported the first African slave labor force after virtually wiping out the indigenous Carib and Arawak populations. The Spanish also totally half-assed colonizing Jamaica and were eventually displaced by the English. When this happened, the African slaves escaped to the Jamaican interior and are the basis of the Maroon population. English Jamaica would later have the largest European to African population ratio of anywhere in the British Empire. The slave uprisings were frequent and among the most violent in the Western Hemisphere.

            I think the rise of the Maroons is probably a historical inevitability in this set up. Maroon culture is also at the core of Rasta culture as I understand it, so I don’t think Jamaican culture has to be radically divergent in our scenario.

            And lest we should doubt the power of Jamrock, consider the historical example of the power of Jamaican music. Ska, Reggae, and Dub are cornerstones of genres the world over. Hip-Hop. Virtually all dance and electronic music. Punk is heavily indebted to Jamaican influence, and I doubt Post-Punk, New Wave, or Industrial sound anything like they do without that influence. So definitely this:

          • echar

            What about Mexico and Canada?

          • https://twitter.com/anti_euclidean ÿ

            Canada is basically New France Quebec?

            A quasi-industrialist state, perhaps their claim to fame is as the exporters front of the Native Americans.

            Maybe some kind of Scandinavian presence in Hudson Bay, Labrador, Baffin Bay, and Greenland. Hard to project Russia in this scenario, but I suppose they could have a presence in Alaska. However, I’d expect a stronger China and Japan, so maybe not…

            Mexico is another one I have difficulty projecting. However, as a major source of gold, we can expect that the Spanish would have fought to hold on there. So we can reasonably assume Mexican history would proceed largely apace. Where I start to run into trouble is what happens when piracy takes root in the Caribbean. Eventually this would have made Spanish control over Mexico untenable.

            Meanwhile, the Spanish could probably continue to hold Andean South America for as long as they did. Perhaps the model could be further extended, and Spanish Mexico would develop on the Pacific instead of being centered on the Caribbean. I’d guess that this version of Mexico (and further Spanish expansionary efforts) would not be able to successfully move past the Sonoran / Rio Grande frontier. Perhaps some isolated colonies further along the Californian coast, but I don’t know about that without the land based supply chain.

            As for the Native North American interior, I have virtually no idea what to project beyond what we are familiar with from early colonial history. It’s almost impossible for me to imagine a world without Wild West “culture”… it’d have to be Norte Salvaje if such a thing were to translate.

          • echar

            I figured Canada would be New France. How about the Mayan empire didn’t fail in Mexico?

          • https://twitter.com/anti_euclidean ÿ

            Well, the Mayans had mostly collapsed by the time of the Spanish Conquest. However, I don’t think their lands were gold producing, so we can posit a likely Mayan (Quecha?) uprising. To which, the Spanish would probably have said fuck it, what with French harassment coming from Louisiana (and maybe Haiti), and the Maroon pirates.

          • echar

            This is alternate reality, it doesn’t have to make sense. Hell, there could be sentient animals, but that’s too much Planet of the Apes.

          • https://twitter.com/anti_euclidean ÿ

            Change one domino, why not change another? No Mayan conquest to accompany the Mexican conquest?

          • https://twitter.com/anti_euclidean ÿ

            Also, who knew what the Plains Indians knew about the capacities of the Buffalo and other flora and fauna?

            I dunno it’d be Planet of the Apes… probably a whole lot of psychedelic use though…

          • echar

            There’s a lot of interesting Native American Lore. Cohokia could be included in some form.

            https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cahokia

          • https://twitter.com/anti_euclidean ÿ

            Hmmm… third modification? No fall of Cahokia?

            That’d be really far out. The place isn’t even named after the people that lived there…

          • echar

            I am just spitballing. Lines, who needs them? :P

          • https://twitter.com/anti_euclidean ÿ

            Yeah, I kind of wonder if Cahokia doesn’t fall, can the Europeans colonize North America? We have almost no idea what the implications would be…

          • echar

            Maybe the people of Cahokia are fans of Amish furniture? It’s well made.

          • https://twitter.com/anti_euclidean ÿ

            Well, a benevolent Cahokia does further diminish the importance of the cuello rojos…

            I like it.

          • Matt Staggs
          • echar

            I need to read this. Luckily the library has it. Thanks.

          • https://twitter.com/anti_euclidean ÿ

            I’d heard of it, but it hadn’t made it to my reading list yet.

            Thanks for the recommendation!

          • echar

            Perhaps a science experiment (LHC) coinciding with alchemical/Occult spells created a time rift that jumbled the dimensions. Three or more people from different narratives end up being pushed together.

          • https://twitter.com/anti_euclidean ÿ

            I think Sliders beat us to the punch on this one :P

          • echar

            Yeah :( or Stargate.

          • echar

            Would this cause an interference with the model?

  • Gjallarbru

    Well, if preists preach against sex and the gays, and then go after little boys, why not a drug fighting dog becoming a dealer?

    • frederigoxcz305

      my uncle recently got a nearly new
      black Volkswagen Touareg SUV by working off of a pc… blog link B­i­g­4­1­.­ℂ­o­m

  • jasonpaulhayes

    “Take a bite out of Crime” McGruff the Crime Dog

  • Anarchy Pony

    AMERICA! FUCK YEAH!

  • VaudeVillain

    I’d never noticed before, but McGruff has some pretty sweet pants. I’d wear those.

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