Nun Tells Catholic High School Students That Masturbating Makes You Gay

Sorry, fellas: Looks like we’re all gay – unless you’ve a man who has never masturbated. If you’re a gay man and you masturbate, I think that makes you Super Gay. It might that might be like when Mario gets a Power Up mushroom in Super Mario Bros., but you’d have to ask the nun who shared this theory with a bunch of teenagers at a North Carolina high school. Who better to provide an educated opinion on matters of sexuality than a nun?

Via Mother Jones:

A Catholic nun has caused a firestorm after she allegedly told teens at Charlotte Catholic High School in North Carolina last month that masturbation can turn boys gay, and gay men have up to 1,000 sexual partners. Sister Jane Dominic Laurel, an assistant professor of theology at Aquinas College in Nashville, Tennessee, reportedly has a history of anti-gay rhetoric. In one of her online lectures, she called oral sex an abnormal act that’s “imported from the homosexual culture,” according to the Charlotte-based LGBT publication, QNotes. A Charlotte Catholic student described the lecture to the news outlet:

Read the rest at Mother Jones.

, , , ,

  • Dread Raider

    Perhaps she just thought that everyone else knew as little about it as she did.

  • Thurlow Weed

    Sister Jane Dominic only eats fish on Fridays, too.

  • Gjallarbru

    I wonder why she didn’t talk about the succubus and incubus. Those used to come to (or is that with) perverts too.

    Obviously, that’s what happens when you are sexually repressed. You start spouting your sexual fantasies as if they were fact.

  • emperorreagan

    Is my wife trying to turn me gay when she jerks me off?! FUCK!

    • Matt Staggs

      The nun also said that oral sex is an abomination imported from The Gays, so…

      • emperorreagan

        Our first apartment was right down the street from one of Baltimore’s leather bars, too. I see what she’s up to!

      • https://twitter.com/anti_euclidean ÿ

        ¿ÿ haz content aggregation gig now‽

  • Adam S.

    When looking for sex tips, probably a good idea to NOT ask the people dressed in burkas and burka-like clothing.

  • Anarchy Pony

    Personal experience tells me that no, no it doesn’t. It might negatively impact your eyesight though. Of course that may just be correlation not causation, I don’t have a large enough subject pool.

  • BuzzCoastin

    must be something she learned from gay priests

  • lifobryan

    Masturbation didn’t make me gay. I’m pretty sure it was either Depeche Mode or speedos.

  • InfvoCuernos

    What if you masturbate to gay porn? Does it cancel itself out? Or do you become supergay? What if you masturbate to photos of gay nuns?

    • Eric_D_Read

      Don’t know. Don’t know. Don’t know. LESBIAN NUN PORN FUCK YEA (skeet, skeet, skeet)!!!

  • Doubleutf

    Skeet Skeet Motherfuckah’s!

  • Doubleutf

    Jerking off doesn’t make you gay, everyone knows that. However, I’m blind as a fucking bat, and the palm of my right hand has more hair in it than I have on my head. Go figure…

  • Dmonix

    Incredible!

    “Nun Tells Catholic High School Students That Masturbating Makes You Gay”

  • a933548

    I don’t masturbate. I’m the straightest person on this planet. FeelsGoodMan.

    • a933548

      Also I am disgusted by oral sex and indeed any other kind of non-reproductive sex, am an ascetic, and believe that we should aspire to transcend all vices of the flesh even eating and breathing and drinking. Also drugs are not good.
      >inb4 y’all mad as fuck at me

      • https://twitter.com/anti_euclidean ÿ

        ¿ÿ don’t think ur doing it right wrong‽

  • a933548

    I see you also are of the randomly generated name master race. Around here free speech is not allowed so such things are necessary.
    >inb4 something bad happens to me for merely questioning the authorities here and getting them suspicious

    • https://twitter.com/anti_euclidean ÿ

      ¡¡¡we shall not be pure until we are free of teh alphabetz!!!

  • Hoarfraust

    “she called oral sex an abnormal act that’s “imported from the homosexual culture,””. I would like to take a moment to thank homosexual culture from the bottom of my heart. THANK YOU!! =D

  • donl

    Christ they still have nuns?…back when I was a kid at one of the very few catlick schools I attended the priest used to tell us that masturbating grows hair on your palms!/…hmmm guess they wanted to do you themselves!! yay for Atheism!!

21
More in Catholicism, Gay, Homosexuality, Nuns
Strange But True: Vatican Beefcake Calendar

Starting all the way back in 2004, the Vatican began releasing calenders featuring 12 of its hunkiest clergy.  Now in its 10th year, the featured holy-men can be viewed at...

Close