Police Called Over “Homeless Jesus” Sculpture Installed In Wealthy North Carolina Town

Homeless JesusHere’s what would happen if Jesus were to return to Earth and land in the affluent Bible Belt suburbs. Via NPR:

The statue depicts Jesus as a vagrant sleeping on a park bench. St. Alban’s Episcopal Church installed the homeless Jesus statue on its property in the middle of an upscale neighborhood filled with well-kept townhomes.

The reaction was immediate. Some loved it; some didn’t. “One woman from the neighborhood actually called police the first time she drove by,” says David Boraks, editor of DavidsonNews.net. “She thought it was an actual homeless person.”

That’s right. Somebody called the cops on Jesus. Some neighbors feel that it’s an insulting depiction of the son of God.

“It gives authenticity to our church,” Rev. David Buck says. “This is a relatively affluent church, to be honest, and we need to be reminded ourselves that our faith expresses itself in active concern for the marginalized of society.”

37 Comments on "Police Called Over “Homeless Jesus” Sculpture Installed In Wealthy North Carolina Town"

  1. Liam_McGonagle | Apr 16, 2014 at 2:05 pm |

    I’m sure the people who called only did it to make sure the poor feller was alright. Frankly, I’m a little disappointed by the people who would have just let him freeze to death.

    See? Not only did I absolve them of any wrong behaviour, I somehow managed to turn them into paragons of compassion. Its. just. that. easy.

    • Echar Lailoken | Apr 16, 2014 at 2:19 pm |

      God just called. He’s in a need of a new PR agent. Will you take the job?

      • Liam_McGonagle | Apr 16, 2014 at 3:44 pm |

        Well, none of that “your reward will come in the next world” cr*p, ‘kay?

        • Echar Lailoken | Apr 16, 2014 at 3:58 pm |

          Christianity 2.0™: A new take on gnostic perspectives, with less heresy and more tithing.

          Coming soon to a McMansion subdivision near you. Follow Jesus 2.0™ on facebook for insight and commands.

          Have a blessed straight and narrow day!

          • And dont forget we are switching out that dreadfully depressive crucifix of jesus for the new and improved Buddy Jesus statue.

          • Echar Lailoken | Apr 16, 2014 at 7:03 pm |

            Everybody loves Buddy Jesus!

          • True. And who doesnt love Dogma?..Well maybe the Christians, if they even got the references and jokes, but other than them.

          • You forgot to rebrand the consumption of the body of Christ, dude.


          • Echar Lailoken | Apr 20, 2014 at 12:34 am |

            Do you have a sweet tooth for the lord? Through the miracle of design, we offer Dark Chocolate Jesus Tithe in delight on ever sabbath day.

            *White chocolate also available

          • That is full of win in so many ways.

          • I’m not going to even pretend one is sufficient.

  2. Anarchy Pony | Apr 16, 2014 at 2:11 pm |

    Nothing more insufferable than wealthy Christians. Especially the calvinist prosperity doctrine kind.


    Those are in no way mutually exclusive categories.

  4. Echar Lailoken | Apr 16, 2014 at 2:24 pm |

    This saddens me that they feel it is needed to create this statement at all. This is indicative of the perversion of Jesus’ word, which is the core of Christianity. This is the main reason I abandoned Christianity so many years ago. I was hearing one thing, and seeing something else, in abundance.

    • Tchoutoye | Apr 16, 2014 at 2:41 pm |


      • Echar Lailoken | Apr 16, 2014 at 2:46 pm |

        I wasn’t familiar with that that term. Thanks.

      • I’d think all Christians would readily self-identify as Christians-in-name-only. So that’s actually a pretty good phrase to use: harmless to the humble and offensive to the proud.

  5. Tchoutoye | Apr 16, 2014 at 2:39 pm |

    If the cops were to taser Homeless Jesus to death, I guess Christians would start wearing taser symbols.

  6. BuzzCoastin | Apr 16, 2014 at 3:37 pm |

    Jesus wept.
    John 11:35

  7. emperorreagan | Apr 16, 2014 at 4:29 pm |

    I wish it was closer so I could get a picture spooning homeless Jesus.

  8. InfvoCuernos | Apr 16, 2014 at 5:58 pm |

    The thing I find interesting is that the only reason you even know its supposed to be Jesus is they keep telling us that-its really just a sculpture of someone sleeping on a park bench. It was probably originally designed that way to keep real homeless people from sleeping on that exact park bench and the artist called “Jesus Sleeping” to sell it.

    • TeddyOrwell | Apr 17, 2014 at 1:19 am |

      The feet poking out the end of the blanket have crucifixion marks on them. That’s the only indication they give that it is Yeshua/Jesus.

  9. Something that looks like a sack of potato’s on a park bench is of course going to cause a ruckus. If the idea of the sculpture is not evident to people, they’ll of course dismiss it. I mean, really, that doesn’t have any religious overtones to it at all, but it’s not obvious either. I’m sure in an affluent area, the local populace wouldn’t go for a sculpture that looks like a sack of potatoes., Now if it was someone crucified to the bench that resembled Jesus, that might be a game changer ! 🙂

    • Given the time of year, I’m thinking a crucified Easter Bunny would be more appropriate. 🙂

  10. “Some neighbors feel that it’s an insulting depiction of the son of God.”

    Yea they are right. Whenever I picture Jesus I always picture clean cut clean shaven Jesus wearing a $5000 suite and he owns a couple giant banking corporations and other companies and he sits at home in his $50million mansion on top of a hill over looking some expensive suburb in his hot tub being served martinis.

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