Drunk Midwesterners Make Up the Majority Of UFO Witnesses

soviet ufo

Soviet UFO chart (PD)

Takeaway message: ET likes to party.

Click through to check out a nifty chart that lays out all of the extra-drunk, extra-terrestrial info you need.

Tuesday is the 67th anniversary of the rumored alien crash-landing in Roswell, New Mexico. But extraterrestrial aviators have been rather busy in the last few decades.

The National UFO Reporting Center has received about 90,000 reported sightings of UFOs in the last 40 years, according to the Economist. That’s about six per day—with the majority happening on Fridays, in the West, and during, um, drinking hours.

via The Hard Data on UFO Sightings: It’s Mostly Drunk People in the West – Derek Thompson – The Atlantic.

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  • Liam_McGonagle

    I wonder if anyone’s ever done a cross-culture study in delusional ideation to see whether there is a correspondence of tropes. That is, what Bible Belters see as angels, do Midwesterners see as aliens? And so on and so forth.

    It could go a long way to pinning down the essential nature of these ideas.

    • Number1Framer

      At least a few of the “UFOs” I saw in Upper Michigan as a youngster have turned out to be burning space debris upon reexamination from my now edumacated viewpoint. I also once saw a big black delta pop out from behind a cloud and fade away upwards, but that looked more like an experimental military thing (and KI Sawyer airbase was still operating then). The ones I can’t explain are the silent, unblinking lights that seem to move very irrationally from the ground. They move one way, move back, make strange curves, change speed, and disappear – or any combination of the aforementioned. If you live in a secluded enough area, you can usually see at least a couple a night. Not saying it’s aliens, but…?

      • Mr Grim

        Yep. Most sightings can be (pretty) easily explained away, but I’ve previously spent a lot of extended periods in isolated coastal areas, often with not much else to do than look at the horizon to horizon nighttime sky, and there have been no shortage of lights that were just like you describe – moving in ways somewhere between highly unlikely and flat-out impossible for any terrestrial craft we know of, and which I (most definitely wanting to find a rational source) couldn’t explain away courtesy of natural atmospheric phenomena.

  • Anarchy Pony

    Is there a sober Midwesterner?

  • BuzzCoastin

    a priest, a rabbi and an alien walk into a bar…

    • Unicorn_Meat

      Wait. Stop. I’ve heard this one before. Bigfoot is tending bar, right?

      • Mr Grim

        So then Bigfoot says, “So what’s with the anal probe?”

        And the alien nods his head toward the Catholic priest and says…

        • Unicorn_Meat

          “…it’s not an anal probe, it’s his penis!”

          • Mr Grim

            Badoom-tish!

            We’re here all week, folks! Don’t forget to tip your waitress.

          • https://twitter.com/anti_euclidean ÿ

            ÿ have a dollar for @mattstaggs:disqus, but he must be attired in a g-string in order to properly bestow the tip

            ( ̄ー ̄)

          • Mr Grim

            You know, I always thought of Matt more as the bar owner in relation to this place, but now I’m picturing him having to double-up in a short skirt* when the place gets short-staffed.

            *And possibly on roller skates, for a weird retro 1950s drive-in diner kind of vibe.

          • Unicorn_Meat

            But only the tip! Unless she says no. *nudge nudge* WAKA WAKA!!!

  • Mr Grim

    You know, I finally bothered to go and read the actual linked page at the Atlantic, and looking at the graph from which the conclusions are drawn (second image down) I have another interpretation of the “drinking hours” metric.

    The graph defines each day into “working hours – 8am to 5pm”, “drinking hours – 5pm to 11pm”, and “sleeping hours – 11pm to 8am”.

    So switch the definition of that middle period from “drinking hours” to “leisure hours”, or if you prefer, “the only hours when the vast majority of people aren’t working or asleep” and the only viable conclusion to be drawn from the data is that (suprise!) the majority of UFO witnesses see UFOs when they’re awake and not inside staring at a screen or similar.

    Who would have thunk more people would see UFOs in the only time period where they have the leisure to, um, look up at the evening sky?

    (Also, the Atlantic story itself makes the point that a number of states with lower alcohol consumption have higher sighting rates, so the heading and initial stated premise is more than a little misleading and sensationalist.)

    • JackiBoldenypt

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      few hours. go right here M­o­n­e­y­d­u­t­i­e­s­.­C­O­M­

    • Number1Framer

      But if the comments section doesn’t degenerate into arguing over who is or isn’t drunk, my geographic location is better than yours, or dumb Midwestern bumpkin jokes we might actually have a meaningful conversation about the lights in the sky. That’s why we need those headlines. Not that I have anything against jokes, but have you seen what most comments sections turn into?

      • Mr Grim

        True, it’s all too easy to descend into joke mode (hell, I know I’m as guilty as anyone else around here, probably worse than quite a few…), but every now and then I find myself confounding (self?) expectation and am compelled to actually post something with serious intent, as per above.

        (Thought I’ve had a bet each way with some nurturing of the “priest, rabbi, alien” thread below… Call it a compulsion.)

        Or put another way, I guess when my own personal experiences on a subject could be termed “serious”, I’m more inclined to leave (most of) the jokes at home.

        So yeah… I must say, I’m still kind of pissed off at the “drinking hours” terminology essentially skewing (or indeed redefining the starting assumptions of) those stats, in such a way that it minimises the chances of people even starting a real discussion about what some the findings might actually mean.

        • Number1Framer

          Some of these posts are really asking for it…dolphin hand job or bear BJ anyone?

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