Alice Walton (Heir to the Walmart Fortune) and Her DUIs

Alice Walton in attendance at the 2011 Walmart Shareholders Meeting.

Alice Walton in attendance at the 2011 Walmart Shareholders Meeting.

Having money really can get you out of anything.

via Policy.Mic:

It was a routine arrest, the kind Texas Public Safety officers like Trooper Jeffrey Davis make every day. But little did Davis know that the woman he had just booked for driving while intoxicated possessed a superhuman power. She wasn’t able to walk heel to toe. She couldn’t put her index finger to her nose if her eyes were shut. She even had a hard time keeping her head up. In other words, she failed the Standardized Roadside Sobriety Test that Davis administered the evening of Oct. 7, 2011 and was arrested.

Yet, she was Alice Walton, heiress to the Walmart fortune, a woman with a superhuman power at her disposal. The power to swipe-up artistic masterpieces prized around the world and horde them in backwater Bentonville, Ark. The power to keep an international payroll of three million people doing your bidding, under the boot of poverty. It’s the power to fly, to fly above the law. The superhuman power of money.

Davis might have known he hadn’t pulled over just anyone. When he informed her the registration on her SUV was expired. Walton replied, “I have someone who does that for me.”

Walton has a lot of people who do things for her; doctors, for instance. Though they couldn’t explain away the droopy head, she had two of them write notes to the court in Parker County, Texas explaining that she hasn’t been able to maintain her balance when she crashed a jeep into a Mexican ravine on Thanksgiving Day, 1983.

The Acapulco crash that left her left leg shorter than her right, was to be the first of many for Walton. Five years later, while speeding in Fayetteville, Ark., she struck and killed Oleta Hardin, a 50-year-old cannery worker. She never received so much as a ticket.

Walton managed to keep her fender clean for nearly a decade after the deadly collision but, in 1998, she got wasted and totaled an SUV in Springdale, Ark.

“Do you who I am?” She asked responding officers who charged her with a DWI. “Do you know my last name?” It was a rhetorical question.

Walton’s lawyers tried to argue that fatigue from working too hard at the office that day, not her blood-alcohol content six points above the legal limit caused her to plow into a gas meter and telephone booth. The Springdale judge didn’t buy it and the charge stuck. Walton paid a $925 fine. Her net worth at the time was an estimated $6.3 billion.

Since then, the Walmart empire has grown considerably and with it Alice Walton’s superhuman power. Today, according to Forbes, she’s worth $33.5 billion. To escape her latest legal quagmire, Walton went with a disappearing act.

“It will cease to exist for us in any way — literally,” Assistant Parker County Prosecutor Fred Barker told the local Dallas/Fort Worth NBC affiliate last October, referring to Walton’s DWI charge. Barker’s office decided to let the statute of limitations to prosecute Walton expire. They had video evidence of her all sloppy, fumbling through her gymnastics exam, but Trooper Davis was unable to testify after he was mysteriously suspended last March and no blood-alcohol testing was ever conducted. Three weeks later, a Parker County judge granted a petition from Walton’s lawyers to remove records of the arrest from the county’s file system.

“There’s really no way to stop it,” Barker remarked. “[I]t’s gone, gone, gone.”

With her latest foible expunged, Walton appeared on the cover of Forbes, in a piece detailing her “shot at redemption.” By redemption Forbes means storing Cezannes and Picassos at a museum she built that’s a three hour drive from the nearest population center and raising cutting horses, which apparently she’s had no trouble mounting despite her “lack of balance.”

The story becomes increasingly disheartening. Read the rest here.

  • Anarchy Pony

    Clearly her mental anguish and confusion while behind the wheel can be alleviated by more tax cuts.

    • Liam_McGonagle

      Billionaires are a precious resource . . . for campaign contributions, if nothing else . We can’t afford to put them in prison.

  • Number1Framer

    Another sad case of affluenza. Let us all pray for her.

  • BuzzCoastin

    I can’t believe she can’t afford a chauffeur
    let alone Uber
    money does strange things to its victums
    oh the unhappy poverty of the rich

    • InfvoCuernos

      People that are up to no good often do their driving themselves. She was probably going to illicit dogfights, having affairs with whatever deviants would shock the aristocracy the most or buying some poor children to eat later, and didn’t want any tattletale witnesses.

      • Echar Lailoken

        Her and her siblings are awful people. Walton Industries was the first big corporation I worked for back in the late 90’s. They just started to be awfil, it’s only got worse.

    • kowalityjesus

      it should be that drunk people should lose the freedom of driving at least, even if its to subsidiaries. It’s honestly strange that with her resources, she wasn’t on anything else.

  • InfvoCuernos

    She’s so goddamn rich, she should just have her own private roads cut wherever she needs to go, and they can line the whole thing with giant rubber bumpers. Then she can get as blind drunk and drive all she wants.

    • Oginikwe

      Why doesn’t she just hire a chauffeur?

      Too cheap?

    • Adam’s Shadow

      To be fair, what you have just described sounds pretty fun regardless of social class.

      • InfvoCuernos

        fuck, I’d do it if I had that kind of money-why drive on regular roads like the peasantry?

  • emperorreagan

    If only she could magically shoot herself twice in the head in the back of a police cruiser while handcuffed instead of some teenager.

    • Rhoid Rager

      I lost karma with that up-vote; but, oh well.

      • emperorreagan

        If black humor costs karma points, I’m fucked!

  • Echar Lailoken

    The ground above Sam Walton’s grave must be vibrating, because I imagine his remains are spinning like the dickens. He was all about community and giving back. Tell hell with these scabrous leaches.

  • Anahata

    Laws are like cobwebs, which may catch small flies, but let wasps and hornets break through. ~Swift

  • WeirdPDX

    Somebody… remind them of O.J. Simpson! Quick!

  • Heath

    to those who live their lives like they run their business affairs.

  • kowalityjesus

    interesting links as always disinfo

  • Truth Teller

    The rich, they are not like humans.