Thoughts From a Conservative Mom Who Buys Weed For Her 12-year-old Son

Brett Levin via Flickr (CC by 2.0)

Brett Levin via Flickr (CC by 2.0)

GB from xoJane via AlterNet:

To say I’m your standard Conservative Suburban Mom is probably an understatement.

I’ve voted with the GOP hardline in the last three elections (which is probably enough to get me burned at the stake with most of you reading this.) I wear sweater sets with pearls. We go to church every Sunday.

And I score drugs for my 12-year-old son.

Why yes, that is my SUV (with the “Romney 2012” bumper sticker) outside Milo’s cheesy college apartment, picking up this month’s supply. I always guiltily hit up 2 different ATMs to get the money, not wanting the nice girl at my bank branch to wonder why I’m always getting cash. I dose my son with a nice home-baked chocolate chunk cookie. (Important: keep those cookies in a separate jar.)

As a baby, my Matthew developed in a perfectly normal fashion. He hit every milestone right on time, like walking at 12 months, complete sentences at 18 months (“Mom, that was a fart.”)  And at 22 months, my son disappeared. Autism is a cruel disorder; 4 out of 5 children are born neurotypical and then regress into the silence of those beautiful, mysterious brains.

As the final F-U, one in four kids with autism develop seizure disorders. Matthew was one of them. His first seizure was at Target when we were shopping for a new bike for his 9th birthday. He gave out a loud bird-like screech and fell to the floor, shaking and moaning. To see my child frothing at the mouth and shrieking makes me understand a little better why so many cultures thought seizures were actually demonic possession. The kindly EMTs nodded knowingly when I gasped that Matthew had autism.

“Sorry to hear it, but we see this a lot with the autistic kids,” the paramedic said, injecting my baby with Versed to stop the seizure.

Our pediatric neurologist put Matthew on a potent cocktail of three different anti-convulsant medications. They didn’t stop the seizures from increasing in frequency or severity. But Matthew endured endless rashes, nausea and sleeplessness. One of the other autism moms was the first to suggest marijuana.

“How is getting my son stoned going to be any help!” I hissed.

She rolled her eyes. “There are several different types of cannabis. You want one with a lower THC — that’s what gets you high — and containing a higher CBD level.

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16 Comments on "Thoughts From a Conservative Mom Who Buys Weed For Her 12-year-old Son"

  1. Conservatives have thoughts?

    • misinformation | Sep 15, 2014 at 11:11 pm |

      Divide and conquer succeeds, yet again. What a simplistic path to victory. At least I can always resort to internet zingers.

      • Mark Pugner | Sep 16, 2014 at 3:24 am |

        Correct, or the lady wouldn’t label herself as conservative in the first place and this shitty article, obviously written by idiots for idiots, may have never seen the light of day.

        • misinformation | Sep 16, 2014 at 7:22 pm |

          Yes. She labelled herself a conservative, whatever that means and The ‘progressives’ at Alternet thought, for some reason, that it was worth writing about and then the vacuous, predictable, forum comments ensue.

    • You seem to be overestimating thought.

  2. InfvoCuernos | Sep 15, 2014 at 7:53 pm |

    I know a conservative catholic grandmother that grows-very well. If you call it “medicine” its amazing the difference in attitude. Just look at how mainstream opioids like Oxycontin are, and they are basically heroin.

  3. BuzzCoastin | Sep 15, 2014 at 9:13 pm |

    she must be a red teamer
    she’s not using Silkroad 2
    maybe the kid could help hook her up with the dark web

  4. I think it’s beautiful that in the end of the linked article she includes the recipe for her cookies 😀

    • Mark Pugner | Sep 16, 2014 at 3:32 am |

      I think it’s insulting. Although not really, it takes a dying child and a guilty conscience to change one’s paradigm, that’s fucking sad. I was soooo against it, now I know better, but I’m still the best Mom in the world, is what I tell myself… yawn.

      • You think it’s insulting that she included the recipe for those reasons? Or are you just replying to the article through my comment because it’s highest ranked currently instead of just using the normal join the discussion comment box? … That’s the only way it really makes much sense to be honest. I still like that it has a cookie recipe though! Cookies are yummy! As she writes “Here’s my recipe for ‘Matthew’s Chocolate-Chunk Cookies.’ They’re delicious, ‘enhanced’ or plain.”. How can you REALLY hate on cookies..

        • York Durden | Sep 16, 2014 at 7:41 am |

          I would say it’s likely the commenter above you is some kind of sock puppet, deployed to call BS on such articles.

  5. Echar Lailoken | Sep 15, 2014 at 11:18 pm |

    Too bad she can’t grow her own. She’d save a lot of money that way.

  6. I’m fairly skeptical about this… Seizures can be evaluated by a neurologist that *specializes* in seizure disorders– is this mother a neurologist? I’d like to say no.
    If she hasn’t spoken with a professional, she should. After epilepsy diagnosis,
    the doctor selects an anti-epileptic medication to prevent such episodes from reoccurring. I’m not anti-marijuana, but it’s willful ignorance to reject its negative attributes in adolescents. This mother, by smoking up this autistic 12-year-old, is causing short-term effects along with long-term (permanent, in some cases) dysfunction.
    (Axis I and II disorders).
    (These results imply that long-term cannabis use may impair the ability to efficiently process information).
    (The results suggest that the functional level of the frontal lobes is affected by long-term cannabis use).
    (Marijuana use and white matter volume were additive and interactive in predicting depressive symptoms…. [furthermore] white matter abnormalities may disrupt the connections between areas involved in mood-regulation).
    (…data [has] potential significance for understanding the observed
    relationship between early cannabis exposure during adolescence and
    subsequent development of adult psychopathology reported in the
    literature for schizophrenia and related psychotic disorders, [autistic children are susceptible to various mental disorders]).


    • BuzzCoastin | Sep 17, 2014 at 12:48 am |

      the article reminds me of an old Ann Landers prank story
      titillating prurient
      designed to help one draw the very conclusion you articulated
      especially aimed at muddle aMerka

  7. *sorry, new to Disqus* 😉

  8. I don’t understand how anyone could vote for a person whose policies would put them in prison. Isn’t that Stockholm Syndrome?

Comments are closed.