Glenn Beck Turns Santa Claus into the Warrior Protector of a Young Jesus Christ

Glenn Beck Turns Santa Claus into the Warrior Protector of a Young Jesus Christ

I kid you not, this is an actual post from Glenn Beck’s blog:

The American Dream Labs are changing the face of faith-based films. Alongside Ben McPherson, head of the American Dream Labs, Glenn unveiled two projects they are working on: ‘The Immortal’ and ‘The Revolutionary’. While there were few details revealed about the latter, Glenn did go into detail about ‘The Immortal’. It’s a gritty action-adventure film that marries a rugged version of Santa Claus with the eternal story of Jesus Christ. It is unlike any movie faith film ever conceived, combining the greatest story Glenn has ever conceived with mind-blowing production value.

Glenn plans to release the book in December of 2015, followed by the film in 2016. He unveiled a trailer for the film to his staff at the end of last year, one he shared with the audience on his TV show Wednesday night:

Glenn described more details during the show:

The Immortal is really a story that starts from my frustration.  All the stories that we’re doing come from my head, and this one is really deeply personal, because it started two years ago when my kids were getting ready for Christmas, and all they could talk about was presents, toys, and Santa and elves.

And I kept trying to come up with some way to work Christ into it.  You know, can we stop with the, you know, fat magic fairy that gives you everything you want for Christmas?  Let’s actually talk about what it is.  Now, I don’t want to be the guy who complains about the giant corporations.  I don’t want to be the guy who’s complaining about Santa.  I don’t want to be that dad, because I remember growing up Santa was important.  That was cool.  It’s magic.  It’s magic.

Santa is an important part of Christmas, but it’s become nothing more than a racket.  If the kids just think that Santa just shows up and just dumps a whole bunch of presents, and you don’t even know why we’re getting gifts anymore, is that the lesson you want to teach your children?  Because it’s not mine.  And so it bothered me and bothered me all through Thanksgiving and all through Christmas, and I started writing a story called the Immortal

[continues at Glenn Beck’s blog]

majestic

Majestic is gadfly emeritus.

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  • pelirrojo

    No more ludicrous or ridiculous than the original story of Jebus

    • Potted Plant

      Is that the one where he springs forth from a drop of virgin menstrual blood fallen upon the manure of a red heifer?

      • pelirrojo

        Something along those lines.

  • Haystack

    Because Christmas isn’t about the food or the presents. It’s about the culture war.

  • SpaceCaptainWarlock

    Hoo boy… Glenn is pretty far gone and he’s taking a lot of people with him. Everyone should be united against the rot in our consumer culture (e.g. people, many Christian, trampling others on black friday to save 50 bucks), and the rot in our religious culture that allows this “born again,” revisionist history shit to exist. Glenn is a promoter of revisionist history, and that is his appeal. He’s even less reliable than Snapple “real facts”.

  • BuzzCoastin

    Rambo Santa, Jesus
    I think he got hit hit on his hands
    will there be tits to go with the violence?
    Mega Block Buster dude

  • BuzzCoastin

    “I’ve been traveling a lot lately. I was over in Australia during Easter. It was interesting to note they celebrate Easter the same way we do; commemorating the death and resurrection of Jesus by telling our children a giant bunny rabbit left chocolate eggs in the night. Now, I wonder why we’re fucked up as a race.

    You know, I’ve read the Bible. I can’t find the words ‘bunny’ or ‘chocolate’ anywhere in the fucking book. Where do you come up with this shit? Why those two things? Why not ‘Goldfish left Lincoln Logs in your sock drawer’? As long as we’re making shit up, go hog wild. At least a goldfish with a Lincoln Log on its back crawling across your floor to your sock drawer has a miraculous connotation to it!”
    Bill Hicks

  • Mr B
  • Andrew

    Still not as bad as “Killing Jesus.”

  • Juan

    Man, these bat-shit guns and Jesus types are prime mockery fodder.
    Keep ’em coming, Glenn, baby:)
    Dood, I hope he runs for president. I would so totally vote for him.

  • Woobniggurath

    Every mediterranean prince of peace needs a hard bitten arctic warrior on his team.

  • Tchoutoye

    Mythology in the making. Joseph Campbell said that we need to remythologise Christianity rather than demythologise it, and Beck seems to have taken Campbell’s advice to heart.

  • VaudeVillain

    Funny, he forgets to mention WHY Edison was really so frightened of Tesla, WHY Tesla would be written out of history books, WHY Edison was The Winner.

    It was MONEY. Edison was able to make a shitload of it, Tesla wasn’t. Edison was a PHENOMENAL businessman, he made tremendous profits, he bought all of the power and influence and credibility he could ever need.

    Why doesn’t Beck mention this? Why does he turn it into some bizarre, ableist story of a lone psychopath magically inducing society to believe him? Why doesn’t he mention Tesla’s dream that everyone should have access to essentially infinite power for so little money as to be free, that the greatest innovations of human history should be made available to all regardless of means, IN SPITE OF means? That’s the real fucking mystery, that’s where the whole house of cards falls down around his fat, stupid face.

  • HowardBrazee

    Right wing “Christian Values” have very little in common with the values of Jesus Christ. Instead they are the values of white suburbs, Santa Claus, & what they think is capitalism. To keep calling themselves Christian, they find ways to pretend their values are Christian.

  • http://beyondthesleep.tumblr.com/ HP McLovincraft

    Glenn makes a mockery of his fanbase every day. rubes.