How to Hide Your Enormous Erection


As the author of a totally weird book about sex called Raping the Gods, I often get phone calls and emails asking me how to get rid of a monstrous, ridiculous, and unwanted erections. It happens around 5-9 times a day actually.

What to do? You are pitching a tent in public, you feel like a total fool, and are about to break down into a hideous, ugly cry. I could tell you what I do, and it would help, trust me, but I still have a few months left on probation.

What about if you think of your male friends naked, press a can of coke against your dick, pinch your penis until it hurts, or fold your cock in half? Now you’re talking!

The following tips on “Killing the Erection is from our friends at Read it and kiss your hard-on problems goodbye.

Think of Your Best Friend Naked

It’s a horrible thought, and the idea is that will very quickly kill your erection.

Do Maths

Of course thinking of your best mate when there’s a really hot chick in a short skirt bending over to pick up a pen right in front of you might be a bit tricky and require super-human willpower and concentration. If you struggle to do this then, try instead distracting yourself with something else that will take more concentration. For instance try reading something in the room such as a poster or something on your phone, or attempt to solve some kind of maths problem in your head. This will hold your attention long enough to kill the erection – a lot of it is in your head.

Cool Off
If you’re at home then a cold shower can help. However if you’re not at home then asking for a cold shower might be considered strange. Another option then is to cool your penis off another way. If you have a can of coke then subtly press this against your jeans and you should find your excitement quickly wears off.

Pinching yourself can also help a lot and many men use this method when they are having sex as a way to try and delay their orgasm. It works by focusing your mind on the pain rather than the arousing stimuli.

If you can excuse yourself a moment to the toilet, then try gently bending your erection in half and holding it there. This way you can soften it up until the erection goes. You probably use this technique already when going to the toilet in the morning or after sex, so try using it discretely when you’re embarrassed too.

All right, bend my cock in half, got it, but what if I just need to hide my erection? doesn’t leave you hanging there either.

Sit Down
Often the easiest way to hide an erection is simply to sit down. This is a normal behavior and will hide your excitement in the creases of your trousers.

Wear Long Tops
If you have this problem a lot then it’s advisable to think ahead and to wear things that can help cover you up. A long shirt or a long coat can achieve this by dangling in the way of your erection so that no one can see past it. Neo could have had an erection all the way through the Matrix trilogy and no one would have known.

Tie a Jumper
One of the best and most effective methods is to simply tie a jumper around your waist and to make sure it covers your crotch region.

Tuck it Up
You can also tuck your erection up into your jeans by just standing it upright so it’s flat against your stomach. If it’s more of a semi you may be able to pin it down against your leg. Either way this will make it much flatter against your body so it doesn’t protrude so much. Just make sure there’s not a tip sticking out the top of your jeans – now that is embarrassment.

Hand in the Pocket
Another way to do this effectively is to put your hand in your pocket and to push it forward slightly. This then makes brings your jeans to the same height as the area where your erection is meaning it won’t stand out. It can though look a little unusual that you have your hand in your pocket at all.

Act Casual
Most of all though, it is important to just act natural as far as possible. What you have to remember is that in most cases no one is going to be looking at your crotch – if they are then it’s them who is unusual and should be embarrassed. Shifting around will only draw attention to it, so if you can’t hide it then just act like it’s not there. Engage them with your conversation and hopefully they won’t be looking at your crotch.