The Devil Take the DNC and God Bless the Brexit (Gonzo & Conjure)

“In a world as weird and cruel as this one we have made for ourselves, I figure anybody who can find peace and personal happiness without ripping off somebody else deserves to be left alone. They will not inherit the earth, but then neither will I… And I have learned to live, as it were, with the idea that I will never find peace and happiness, either. But as long as I know there’s a pretty good chance I can get my hands on either one of them every once in a while, I do the best I can between high spots.” – Hunter S. Thompson


Change. Change is a rare bird of strange plumes, a multi-colored goddess that perches above crossroads and sings of new dawns. This bird, only rarely glimpsed, has made folk shudder in ecstasy and fear wherever it appears. It’s a bird few Americans will ever see, so content our we with the vultures of mediocrity that cloud our skies daily, though it is rumored to float over foreign shores.

I here it’s over Britannia as we speak.

I had to tear myself away from a review of one of the most insightful and politically poignant books on Hoodoo I read thus far just to do this piece. That essay is still forthcoming, but I can assure you PLEASE BUY THIS BOOK NOW. If anything the recent events make it all the more poignant.

Where do we begin? I can remember dreading this report, shocked at the lack of movement on the political sphere. Compared to cops begging rebels in France to give them a break I was stuck watching CSPAN. How many times can you write about the fleecing of a populace quite content to be sheered before you sound the same? Oh sure, Bernie may have dropped a few hints, but it seemed like nothing of notice. Same old same old, a weary and drafty lukewarm Hillary/Trump breeze.

Things kinda picked up for a minute, Trump being almost(and I use that term lightly) shot by an idiot Englishman that only “practiced” a day before and who’s “year-long plan” was to snatch a pig’s gun. Who cares?

Pictured: My response to the Trump attempted shooting

Pictured: My response to the Trump attempted shooting

“Boo,” I said inbetween shots of my own, “Disinfonauts aren’t going to give a shit if somebody ALMOST shot him!” My eyes were splayed out, broken and unreliable. “Now, if this racist piece of shit actually gets killed-”

Arms across her chest, she spoke uninterrupted with a therapist’s clarity:

“You’d write something for the guy that shot him?”

“Hell no, FUCK no, I can’t do that. I’m Disinfo’s chief unpaid reporter. Who’ll replace me when I go to jail? Thad?” Another drink goes down my gullet. “I’m not saying anything like that.”

I smiled, a coy grin deserving of a coyote, chuckling as I deliver the punch line.

“Why you know I’m a law abiding citizen. I’d never advocate anything illegal. It’s a a matter of principle!”

We both echo and ditto insanely; mindless, buzzing laughter ricocheting off concrete walls in an joyous expulsion of unadultered drunken madness. Everything descends into black and the rest of what happened that night will forever remain a mystery.

But the gods, aware of our near poverty status, heard the prayers of many an internet reporter. In a golden stream they smiled on us and peed a story right on our heads.

This ridiculous “sit in” occurred and I couldn’t help but laugh.

I mean, where do you begin? The lukewarm microwaving of 1960’s tactics? The horrible law they were trying to pass? To every sane person I knew this was the biggest pile of steaming bullshit to come out of the DNC since Hillary announced her candidacy.

“The Democratic proposal has been catch-phrased and hashtagged as “no fly, no buy,” because it would prevent people who end up on government terrorism watchlists, including the “no fly list,” from purchasing firearms. This would do little to reduce gun violence, but it would add an additional layer of surveillance and government scrutiny to a particular class of people…

The no-fly list is a civil rights disaster by every conceivable standard. It is secret, it disproportionately affects Arab-Americans, it is error-prone, there is no due process or effective recourse for people placed on the list, and it constantly and relentlessly expands. As of 2014, the government had a master watchlist of 680,000 people, forty percent of whom had “no recognized terrorist group affiliation.” This is both an absurdly large number of people to arbitrarily target in gun control legislation, and far, far too few to have any meaningful effect on actual gun ownership, let alone gun violence.”

Yep, our well meaning, upper-class, bourgeoisie-scum, liberal overlords are at it again. The revolutionaries around us can luckily still smell the stink of shit in the air:


My Comrade!

Remember how I talked about morality plays? About how such idiotic legislation would be dressed up in colorful language, the whole thing becoming some emotional schtick used by people to just achieve greater control? Consider this gem from a DC Democrat currently ungainfully employed as a lobbyist:


I know this person. Her dad goes on safaris every year and payed her way through college out of pocket, as well as financed her tour through Europe…so…yeah…Huffington Post here she comes!!!



What more can be said? Nothing, the thing speaks for itself. Though, okay, if you DO want to still laugh the “sit in” only lasted for a day and the brave “freedom fighters” asked for money as they ate at a catered buffet surrounded by people with guns. Such pure hypocrisy almost defies irony. It makes my job harder than it’s ever been; people abroad are going to start thinking I’m lying, just making shit up. “No way this stuff happens here.”

But it do, and it does.

What I say of these electoral pimps and madams? These whoremongers who would pump every tragedy and every blood-drop into legislation that you make you less free in the name of safety? What can I say of those that support them? How can I, a literal totem pole for Disinfo respond in an a erudite manner to the college-bred liberals so intent on getting guns out of the hands of anybody the government deems “undesirable?”

in a sufficient phrase: GO FUCK YOURSELF.


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Dr. Bones

Dr. Bones is a conjurer, card-reader and egoist-communist who believes “true individuality can only flourish when the means of existence are shared by all." A Florida native and Hoodoo practitioner, he summons pure vitriol, straight narrative, and sorcerous wisdom into a potent blend of poltergasmic politics and gonzo journalism. He lives with his loving wife, a herd of cats, and a house full of spirits.

His writing can be found at Gods & RadicalsDisinfo, and Greed Media. He can be reached at The Conjure House and through Facebook.

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