Three Sermons from the Saints of Psychosis

If Paul Harvey were the Devil, he’d sound like Dr. Bronner and Francis E. Dec reading soap bottles to each other in a steaming shower. He’d convince you that hate is in the water we drink and fear in the air that we breathe. He’d have you clawing your eyes out to escape the myth machine. He’d drive you out of your goddamn mind like it was the dawning of the Age of Aquarius.

Back in the revolutionary 60s, while Harvey urged America to go back to black-and-white dreams, Bronner and Dec shook themselves awake and turned on to space cadet gnosis. Their sermons, recorded and preserved on the sacred web, will scrub your filthy mind with altruistic universalism and then shove your squeaky clean soul into the prison cell of bitter ego.

In this era of pure lunacy, let us return to our psychotic prophets.

The Rabbi Dr. Bronner – On Flouridation and the Astro-Apocalypse

Soap-making soothsayer and Holocaust survivor Emmanuel Bronner was a doctor of the soul. His sacred snake oil cleanses the flesh with the sweet scent of sacramental peppermint. Through the free-flowing liturgies printed on every bottle, Bronner continues to teach us how to liberate our voices from harsh reality. As he tells us in the 9th verse of the 18-in-1 Hemp Almond Pure-Castile Soap:

Free Speech is man’s only weapon against half-truth, that denies free speech to smear – slay – slander – tax – enslave. Full-truth, our only God, unites all mankind brave, if 10 men guard free speech, brave!
If ever one religion unites all mankind, it will be by omitting all irrelevancies & redundancies, added unto the Faith in One-Almighty, all-embracing, ever-loving, ever-evolving, ever-recreating Eternal God, and by ABSOLUTE NOTHING ELSE

The one world order never sounded so good.

In this rare footage of a 1972 lecture in Maui, the rabbi doctor instructs the Love Generation on why poisonous flouride should be avoided even though the Earth’s rotation is slowing at such a rate as to soon put our planet in the path of Haley’s Comet.

Saint Francis E. Dec, Esquire – Master Race Frankenstein Radio Controls

The greatest schizophrenic jeremiad of our technotronic age came from Francis E. Dec, a Slavic immigrant whose rabid racist screeds threw open the gloryhole to hell. Dec’s type-and-scribble diatribes, written in his home in Hempstead, NY and mass-mailed at random between the mid-60s and the 80s, are masterpieces of solipsistic fury.


And so we see the skull—the part of bone removed—and descend into ethnopsychosis. Our suffering servant cries out:


This 1986 classic recording of Dec’s finest sermon was channeled by L.A. radio personality Doc on the ROQ and canonized by the Church of the SubGenius. The effect on the listener is ever-increasing dissociative dysphoria: the brain stem elicits limbic hate responses and washes the listener away in waves of cosmic paranoia, leaving him pleading for the end to come.

The Venerable Paul Harvey – “If I Were the Devil”

In 1965, around the time when Francis E. Dec was being beaten bloody by the CIA and dragged in chains from Kennedy Airport, whitebread radio broadcaster Paul Harvey gently stroked America’s superego with this chastizing essay and soothed the national psyche with Frankenstein radio controls.

Harvey saw the Devil in thelemic diversity and mourned the ebbing gravity of the fracturing All-One-God-Faith. Someone must have told him the dark truth of the Equinox: nobody puts the Crowned and Conquering Child in the corner.

As we go out into the world, let us ponder the arcane wisdom of the Rabbi Dr. Bronner’s 5th verse:

Whatever unites mankind is better than whatever divides us! Yet, if absolute-unselfish I am not for me, I’m not but classless, raceless, starving masses, never free nor brave! Only if constructive selfish I work hard perfecting first me, like arctic owls — penguin — pilot — cat — swallow — beaver, bee, can I teach the MORAL ABC’S ALL – ONE – GOD – FAITH, that lightning-like unites the Human race! For we’re ALL-ONE OR NONE! ALL-ONE! “listen children eternal father eternally one!” EXCEPTIONS ETERNALLY? ABSOLUTELY NONE!

Joe Allen

Joe Allen is a writer and fellow primate who wonders why we came down from the trees. A lifelong student of religion and science, he's also kept his hands dirty as a land surveyor, communal farm hand, kitchen servant, and for over a decade, by climbing steel as an entertainment rigger. His work appears in various outlets from left to right because he prefers liberty to security.

Daily interjections: @EvoPsychosis

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