Hey, did you know Nickelback has a new album out? Yeah, neither did I until I just stumbled upon this fun story of millionaire-half-wit-rock-star-shit-talking. The main reason I’m posting this is because I think Nickelback gets a bad rap in a way. Don’t get me wrong, they are fucking terrible. It’s just that there are so many other insanely popular bands that suck just as bad if not worse that never catch even close to the same level of shit for sucking. I’ve never honestly seen how Nickelback are any more unlistenable than half of what has charted on mainstream radio in the last 20 years (thanks Telecommunications act of 1996! Thanks FCC deregulation!).
Seriously, at least there’s no terrible white boy rapping in their tunes like there is with Linkin Park. At least they’re not Macklemore. Hell, the main dude from Nickelback was dating Avril Lavigne for years. Have you ever heard Sk8ter Boi? I’d rather listen to 2 Nickelback cuts consecutively than that bullshit. God, what about Andrew W.K.? Same principles apply. I’d rather hear 3 Nickelback songs in a row than listen to Party Hard ever again and hipster kids love that mook for some reason (maybe it’s his terrible writing). Don’t even get me started on Die Antwoord. Anyway, I suppose the lesson here is that if you’re a popular yet shitty musician (like say the dude from Stone Sour) you probably shouldn’t talk shit publicly about Nickelback, because when the dude from Nickelback flames you, it burns:
“After the writer mentioned STONE SOUR as an example of a band that is also “very diverse,” Chad shot back: “Yeah, ’cause they’re trying to be NICKELBACK.” He then took a swig from his beer and directed his comments at the STONE SOUR singer: “Corey Taylor has said some really nasty things about me before in the press. He talks about how easy it is to write a hit song. Well, show me. Show me. Write one. I have yet to hear one. They’re okay. But they’re not as good as NICKELBACK. They sound like ‘NICKELBACK Lite.'”
Kroeger went on to point out that NICKELBACK and Taylor‘s other band, SLIPKNOT, launched their respective careers while signed to the same label (Roadrunner). He added: “They had to put on masks and jump around. How good can your music be if you’ve gotta beat each other up on stage, throw up in your own masks every night…? I mean, music shouldn’t come with a gimmick; music should just be music. None of my favorite music comes with a gimmick. And he got tired of sitting behind a mask — he wanted people to know what he looks like — so he started STONE SOUR.”
In a 2002 interview with Rock Sound magazine, Taylor seemed to suggest that Roadrunner was spending more time and resources promoting NICKELBACK than they were getting behind SLIPKNOT. “I’m glad they could use our money to make fucking NICKELBACK happy,” he said. “That’s a very, very bitter subject for me, and if I ever see any of those fuckers, it’s going to be brutal.” He continued: “I’m happy for them, but at the same [time], we went out and bust our asses to make what we did. If they’re still here in a couple years then, hey, good for them, but this band isn’t going anywhere, and when the record label basically fucks your loyalty in the ass, it’s really bitter — especially when we went out and fucking bled, sweat and earned every fucking album that we sold. MTV won’t fucking touch us, radio barely fucking touches us and here comes those fucking pretty boys… and the lead singer looks like Shaggy from ‘Scooby Doo’… and what the fuck am I supposed to do? Am I not supposed to feel bitter when I have broken bones and fucking torn corneas? It’s bullshit, and the record label just smiles at you and goes ‘Yeah, yeah whatever…’ It’s fucking not right, dude.”
Now, this sting from Kroeger wouldn’t have the bite it does if not for the fact that he has a very valid point. Ummm, yeah, in my world Stone Sour are precisely as shitty as Nickelback and play the exact same style of music, but hey, judge for yourself if you’re a masochist:
That video? 49 million views and counting. This shit sandwich has over 12 mil:
Stone Sour might be even more embarrassing because it’s a metal dude who wears a spooky mask on stage being all: “I have a sensitive side, man.” And his sensitive side just so happens to sound like watered down Nickelback, who sound like watered down Matchbox 20, who sound like watered down Candlebox, who sounded like watered down Pearl Jam in the first place.
This entire adult contemporary grunge style of music probably wouldn’t exist if there wasn’t a Satan, but not only does it exist, it probably outsells whatever amazing music you happen to be into to this day…by a long shot (and you think Satan runs pedophile rings). Sorry if I just ruined your week by pointing that out. If it makes you feel better, Fuller House is by far the most successful original Netflix show of all time. Oh wait.