Is Bob Weir Recruiting Seniors Into His Satanic Death Cult? Hard Has the Scoop!

It could be said that at this point in human history, any sufficiently batshit right wing conspiracy theory is indistinguishable from satire. Which is the position I found myself in while reading this article. Ummm, is this for real or is someone just fucking with me? I actually had to do like 15 minutes of digging to finally figure it out. You’ve got to keep in mind that I quite amazingly have fans that still tune into Infowars, so sometimes I see this nonsense in my social media feed and wonder the same thing. Is this satire? Does this person really believe there are anti-Trump death squads wandering the streets (that was literally the last Infowars report I encountered)?

Furthermore, I’ve also seen fundie posts about how squeaky clean Christian rap group DC talk were secretly infecting the minds of the youth at the behest of the Illuminati, and that stuff was totally legit, so you can maybe understand my confusion. But that confusion turned to glee when I realized, nope, this is in fact incredibly deadpan satire, and man, probably the most hilariously pertinent website on the internet at the moment. Here’s a sample of their Weir piece:

“Old people are a national treasure. They’ve spent their entire lives making America great again and now just want to pass their remaining years in peace and quiet.

This is what made me so outraged when I heard about a traveling showman by the name of Bob Weir who specifically targets our most vulnerable senior citizens.

His music is a weird drug of subversive styles and subliminal messages. But it’s not just the long, angry songs that upset me, it’s the fact this man is intentionally building a radical cult dedicated to his every whim.

The “Weir-dos” embrace the worst ideologies of job crushing “green politics.” They’ve turned their backs on the fun militarism of the Reagan years. They’re free spirits who believe in tree goddesses and going bra-less. They cruise farmers’ markets like Tinder on Metamucil. They make phallic pottery in backyard studios. And they will do everything in their incredible power to undermine our nationalistic culture from within.

Yes, you heard that right! This man Bob Weir is out there at this very moment roaming the darkened alleyways of America recruiting our very own parents and grandparents into this shocking scheme!

No wonder his biggest hit is called “Shakedown Street.”

And the liberal media has been absolutely silent about this incredible threat!”

Read the rest at Hard, support their site in any way you can if you enjoy their content. 

Again, you’d think this would obviously be satire. You’d think after looking at this header I’d get it:

You’d think after seeing another article on the site entitled:

Media Silent Over Report That James Comey Was Killed in Bowling Green Massacre and Replaced By Crisis Actor Sean Hayes to Distract Trump From Canadian Invasion Plans

I’d get it, but again, I’ve watched deadly serious YouTube videos about how DC Talk are secretly members of the Illuminati. I’ve read articles on the Secret Sun blog about how the douche from Panic At The Disco is telegraphing messages about the satanic pedophile Illuminati through his videos.

Again my friends, any sufficiently batshit right wing conspiracy theory is currently indistinguishable from satire. Welcome to the new weird order. Also, welcome to your new favorite website. The brilliance of Hard cannot be understated. Apparently the site has been going strong since at least 2010, probably completely unaware of how pertinent it would end up being. The best part? The comments. Yep, as confused as I was, dipshit fundies are even more confused, which I think is the entire point. The troll level here = expert!

Thad McKraken

Thad McKraken

Thad McKraken is a psychedelic writer, musician, visual artist, filmmaker, Occultist, and pug enthusiast based out of Seattle. He is the author of the books The Galactic Dialogue: Occult Initiations and Transmissions From Outside of Time, both of which can be picked up on Amazon super cheap.
Thad McKraken