Julian Assange Be All Like: “Look, I’ve Tried. There Just Isn’t Any Dirt on the Republican Party. These Dudes are Squeaky Clean, I Don’t Know what to Tell You.”

There was a time not long ago where probably like a quarter of the posts on Disinfo.com were about how amazing Julian Assange is. He seemed cool at the time I guess, and honestly it’s not like I ever did much research unearthing who the dude actually was or what he represented. Then in 2016 something odd happened. Assange for some reason was like: “Yeah, you know, I think cutting taxes for rich people while increasing the military budget is in fact a great idea and will do anything I can to make that happen.” What in the absolute fuck?

I’ve now had online conversations with people who think he didn’t intentionally influence the election in the Republican’s favor and it’s like, is this real life? Are you really making that argument? So, someone comes to him and says: “I have these hacked e-mails I want to publish to help swing the election in the Republican’s favor, will you publish them for me right before the election to maximize damage?” And he’s all: “Yeah no problem. I will absolutely do that for you.” Ummm, yeah, he helped swing the election, I don’t even see where the argument is that he didn’t. Did he release anything damaging to the Republicans in that span (or since for that matter)? Nope. Could he have have waited a few weeks and then put the leaked e-mails online after the election was over? Yep. He did what he did quite obviously on purpose, because he’s quite obviously a human pile of trash.

And hey, guess what? As it turns out a lot of people have known this for a long time. There’s actually a guy named Andrew O’Hagan who was initially so enamored by what Assange was doing that he wanted to ghost write his book for him. Then something odd happened, when he started hanging out with Assange to accomplish this task he realized: “Oh wait, this guy fucking sucks” and then decided to instead spend his time warning people about him. From Vox:

Alexander Bisley

Your Ghosting insider reporting is riveting and beautifully penned; I could quote half the thing. Julian once told you, “Every good story needs a Judas.” I would have been tempted to reply, “Does that make you Jesus then?” He seems to have a messiah complex.

Andrew O’Hagan

Look at so many of Julian’s offhand remarks; you don’t have to be Dr. Freud to see a power and victim complex. One minute he’s Jesus; the next minute he’s saying, “I want you to be my chief of staff,” positioning himself as the president. Every other day, he’s something of that sort. Were he an executive in a company, he would’ve been fired for a combination of mania and ineffective leadership very early.

As would Trump, by this point. They share this too. They’re both embarrassingly mono-mined leaders with such a gigantic chasm where their empathy should be. The idea that each of these men are not only leaders but see themselves as being sui generis, one-off leaders of mankind, is absolutely flabbergasting self-delusion. They can’t speak to people. The idea of weakness obsesses them. Again and again, they fail to lead.

Alexander Bisley

What’s with [Assange’s] post-election shilling for Trumpism, and his taking the side of the neo-fascist Front National in the French election?

Andrew O’Hagan

I think it’s one of the weaknesses of the libertarian tradition: that they will go to bed with anyone, metaphorically.

Julian has always claimed the relationship of WikiLeaks to its sources as being an invisible one, including to me. Look at his recent comments on the character of the sources. “It’s not Russia, I can say categorically!” he says. How can he say that if he doesn’t know? In other words, he is freely aware of the sources in both cases. And freely employing his skills as a selector and editor of materials; he’s shaping the material and shaping its public perception.

I feel absolutely bamboozled that anyone would be as naive to imagine that promoting Donald Trump, seemingly in league with Russian forces, would be a freedom-fighting act. … This is the kind of person Julian decides to campaign for. And it is baffling and ruinous to the cause, his cause.

Alexander Bisley

James Ball, WikiLeaks’ former spokesman, writes that “WikiLeaks has never had a problem with Russia.” As in, they never objected to the Putin regime’s operations?

Andrew O’Hagan

James has strong sources for that; I do concur with that view. The idea that the gay-hating, misogynistic, criminal-industrial complex of Putin represents freedom — against the flawed model of the United States — is naive to the point of madness. And yet WikiLeaks has never had a problem with Putin, as James says.”

Read the rest on Vox, if you dig the content they provide, throw down to keep it moving.

But wait, there’s more. There’s another documentary filmmaker named Laura Poitras who similarly thought Julian was so great she wanted to make a film about him. Then she started making the film and was like, “oh wait, this guy’s kind of a piece of shit, isn’t he?” From the New York review of books:

“About forty minutes into Risk, Laura Poitras’s messy documentary portrait of Julian Assange, the filmmaker addresses the viewer from off-camera. “This is not the film I thought I was making,” she says. “I thought I could ignore the contradictions. I thought they were not part of the story. I was so wrong. They are becoming the story.”

By the time she makes this confession, Poitras has been filming Assange, on and off, for six years. He has gone from a bit player on the international stage to one of its dramatic leads. His gleeful interference in the 2016 American presidential election—first with the release of e-mails poached from the Democratic National Committee, timed to coincide with, undermine, and possibly derail Hillary Clinton’s nomination at the Democratic Convention, and then with the publication of the private e-mail correspondence of Clinton’s adviser John Podesta, which was leaked, drip by drip, in the days leading up to the election to maximize the damage it might inflict on Clinton—elevated Assange’s profile and his influence.

And then this spring, it emerged that Nigel Farage, the Trump adviser and former head of the nationalist and anti-immigrant UK Independence Party (UKIP) who is now a person of interest in the FBI investigation of the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, was meeting with Assange. To those who once saw him as a crusader for truth and accountability, Assange suddenly looked more like a Svengali and a willing tool of Vladimir Putin, and certainly a man with no particular affection for liberal democracy. Yet those tendencies were present all along.”

Read the rest over at the New York Review of Books, you know the drill by now. 

So what’s my post 2016 view on Assange? Well, I hope some CIA spook shoots him in the back of the head. I hope Pamela Anderson’s disease ridden pussy kills him slowly and painfully (he’s literally now screwing a woman who was once involved with Kid Rock, that’s douchebag with a capital D territory). Fuck this fuck boi forever, hope I said that politely. If he for some reason releases some serious dirt on this new creepshow regime, maybe I’ll change that position but until then, please just go die Julian. The world is clearly better place without your dumb ass in it.

Disclaimer: headline is satirical and not an actual quote

Thad McKraken

Thad McKraken

Thad McKraken is a psychedelic writer, musician, visual artist, filmmaker, Occultist, and pug enthusiast based out of Seattle. He is the author of the books The Galactic Dialogue: Occult Initiations and Transmissions From Outside of Time, both of which can be picked up on Amazon super cheap.
Thad McKraken