Just in Case You Were Wondering, The Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn is a Total Fucking Joke

Imperator AO

A few years back I kept seeing these sponsored posts for the Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn coming up in my Facebook feed. I wasn’t intrigued enough to watch any of their videos, but I eventually bit and signed up for their e-mail list just to get a better idea as to what these people were up to. I don’t think I’ve ever unsubscribed to an e-mail list quicker, but in less than a week I was fed up. Roughly 3 aesthetic disaster e-mails a day about super cheesy love and wealth spells that are totally guaranteed to work. So, the Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn are exactly no better than the con man churches they pretend to philosophically loathe. Got it. Maybe their sponsored post budget went down a bit, but I hadn’t given them a second thought in a while until I caught this piece about the supposed magickal war of 2017. Oh, good fucking lord.

“Suddenly, we each found ourselves off road in the raw desert in a fast moving vehicle struggling to maintain control. Whereas the desert claimed Adam’s life that day, she was more generous with me this time around. By the grace of God, I was able to maintain control of our Jaguar Vanden Plas limosine and bring it to a safe stop. Although our precious Jag was totaled, I climbed out without a scratch!

In my position as Rosicrucian Imperator, I must of necessity ask when things like this happen:

Was this the result of Magical attack?

You may recall my article from earlier this year Ancient Mystery School Gives Dire Warning to Army of Witches” in which Leslie McQuade and I took a position contrary to a series of misguided and fake news media fueled rituals “to bind and curse the President of the United States and all who support him.” This initiative was led by a Satanist named Mike Hughes, was fueled by the notoriety of Lena del Rey, and attacked Trump voters and the First Family every waning Moon.

This presented a serious problem due to media attention swelling the numbers of the attackers, with the New York Times and Rolling Stone promoting their rites in the USA the Daily Mail and The Sun jumping on the bandwagon in the UK.

The issue here is not whether or not you agree with the politics and policies of Donald Trump.

The real question is whether or not a gaggle of Communist leaning magicians and witches should be permitted to topple a duly elected President of the United States or bind and curse the American people who voted for him. I mean, really – WTF?!?

Let’s call these extremists for what they are – magical terrorists. What makes such magical terrorists think they have the right to subvert the will of the American people and topple our Republic?

They struck in synchronized rituals month after month, always just before Black Moon when the energies of darkness and evil are at their most powerful. The series of rituals was to reach its crescendo on the Summer Solstice.

This configuration presented not only a credible magical threat, but due to media hysteria fueling mass participation it also presented a clear and present magical danger to the President and his family.

Unfortunately, the Secret Service does not yet have a magical arm. Leslie McQuade and I therefore stepped up to the plate to neutralize the magical threat to the First Family ourselves.

We spread word through the Magical community looking for magical aid – and many did quickly come. Witches, Magicians, Shamans of all stripes, united by a spirit of chivalry, standing in magical defense of our Republic.But there was a problem. Due to media hype, we were badly outnumbered. Not just outnumbered either, for those who had answered our call to defend our people were mostly untrained in battle magick. Sure, we managed to pull together a rag tag magical defense at the drop of a hat, but our situation this past Winter looked as hopeless as Washington’s army faced at Valley Forge!”

To sum up the rest, this guy thinks a group of witches attempting to bind Trump nearly killed his wife, actually killed his dog, and wrecked his fancy car almost killing him as well. Well, it could be that, but on the other hand:

everything

People like Alan Moore propose that art is magick because art transforms consciousness and in reading this along those lines something pretty strange occurred to me. This guy is such a terrible writer that I was laughing my ass off, which isn’t what he’s going for at all. Then I realized, what the fuck? Dude is talking about how his son died and then his son’s dog died, and I’m laughing. I shouldn’t be laughing at this. Apologies actually man, but god, there’s bad writing and then there’s that. For the record, the witches responsible for the Trump bindings claim exactly zero responsibility. Please don’t go hiking in 117 degree weather again lady. Seriously.

I of course designed a spell to help accelerate karmic plotlines and elevate the consciousness of the species earlier in the year. In a trance a few months back I was told that something like this would potentially work, while this “magickal war” was just “spooky people fighting with each other”. I’d almost forgotten about that message until I read this article actually. Remember back in 2015 when I wrote about how a ton of Crowley’s followers dig him precisely because he was a hyper-misogynist, racist, woman beating goth sociopath? I had zero idea how prescient that’d end up being either.

 

Thad McKraken

Thad McKraken

CEO at DMI
Thad McKraken is a psychedelic writer, musician, visual artist, filmmaker, Occultist, and pug enthusiast based out of Seattle. He is the author of the books The Galactic Dialogue: Occult Initiations and Transmissions From Outside of Time, both of which can be picked up on Amazon super cheap.
Thad McKraken