A parody of a Christmas classic satirizing the drama queen protests of Christians.
‘Twas the war upon Christmas, and all through the malls
Not a creature was stirring in those gaudy, cheap halls;
The landmines were placed by the entrances with care,
In hopes that the Christians soon would be there;
The warriors were loaded with rounds of hot lead;
While visions of carnage danced in their heads;
And Marx in his ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just hijacked culture outside of The Gap,
When out on the food court there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my cover and saw the blood splatter.
Away to the melee I flew like a flash,
Put one in the chamber and set to let smash.
The blood on the floor from the new-fallen Lutherens,
Made a gory display of I took a great humor in,
When what to my wondering eyes did appear,
But an urban assault sleigh and eight robotic killer deer,
With a Presbyterian leader so depraved and craven,
I yelled to the troops, “Open fire, it’s St. Reagan!”