MAD BOMBERS! A 21st Century Thought Experiment

Take a look at these two men.

One was a distinguished professor and a prolific (if not entirely nuanced) writer.

The other was a mad bomber who won the Nobel Peace Prize.

One of them killed 3 American civilians and wounded another 23 with his home-made bombs. He justified his rampage by claiming to have only targeted the people he held responsible for the advancement of unsustainable industrialism and the dehumanizing consequences of technological proliferation. If he hadn’t have had his brain fried by the CIA’s MKULTRA mind-control experiments at Harvard, he might’ve blossomed into a coherent philosopher. He is currently serving life in prison without the possibility of parole.

The other bombed 8 Third World countries over the course of 8 years and killed at least 2,300 dirt-poor civilians, averaging 80 per month, with a cumulative civilian casualty rate of 98%, using taxpayer-funded laser-guided Hellfire missiles launched from Reaper drones. Like his predecessor, he justified his rampage with superficial platitudes of paternalistic nationalism, which is to say, “keeping us safe” from goat-herding peasants who may or may not have been in possession of sling-shots. He is currently earning half a million dollars for every speech he gives to Wall Street executives, privately, behind closed doors.

Now take a look at this guy. I know he’s icky, but bear with me, please.

Our President. As everyone knows, he’s a Big Mean Meanie McMeanFace who says really mean things. Like, all the time. It’s causing Democrats to publicly question whether or not he has a heart. Or a soul. Or a conscience. Or a brain. Which strikes me as odd, since I already knew the answer to that question, like, over a decade ago, when he was America’s Sweetheart and had the highest-rated “reality show” on TV. Hell, I even hated him before that… just because he was a fucking capitalist. And a real estate man. And a media mogul. Good things to hate, if I do say so myself.

(It’s not like the Clintons know anything about real estate, right?)

Remember when he was a Democrat? And a capitalist? A capitalist Democrat? Hmmm?

He’s been President for over a year now, and so far, liberals have expressed more disgust over the fact that he orders his steak well-done and dips it in ketchup, as opposed to the fact that his Hellfire/Reaper civilian body count exceeded that of Obama’s a mere 7 months after he became our 45th Expendable Rotating Figurehead, or that his kill ratio is 80 times higher than Dubya’s. The civilian casualty rate has held steady at 98%.

Imagine that.
You can look it up. Just click on the Colorful Words!

TRIGGER WARNING: I’ve linked you to a non-profit news-source, up there.
Unlike CNN or MSNBC, they aren’t funded by ad money from soon-to-be-recalled synthetic pharmaceuticals that cause thoughts of suicide and hallucinations in depressed insomniacs, nor from GE, nor Apple, nor Amazon, nor Boeing… so you can never know for sure what kind of shady characters with ulterior motives might be lurking behind the switchboards, Dahlink

Ah, the Russians. The ultimate “THEM.”
So nice to have THEM back. Remember New Coke? Didn’t work out so well, did it? Know why? Because the original is always the best. ‘Specially when it comes to your inherently villainous, just-barely-human mortal enemies.
Americans are just suckers for sequels, aren’t they?
It’s been a real boon for the Vicarious Red Team/Blue Team Battle of the Personality Cults, otherwise known as Our Sacred Damsel-In-Distress Democratic Institutions.
You know the type:

So virginal, so precious, so in need of an HERO…

Which is why Democrats have been calling the Big Mean Meanie McMeanFace a Deranged and Treasonous Tyrannical Traitor, round the clock, every day, for 13 months.

Hey, it’s been all over The News, so it must be true.

But, then… THIS happened.

And…whoa… then, THIS happened. Hmmmm.

Here’s an exclusive look from inside the Democratic National Committee:

Poor guy must’ve slipped and fallen on a couple of bullets that accidentally lodged themselves into the back of his skull when he went SPLAT! Because that literally happens all the time.

Nuance is a slippery slope, after all.

But, hey: ya know how I know RussiaGate is bullshit?

Because the so-called “Resistance” within the Temple of the Scottish Right Congress just out-Huxleyed the full Orwell and gave Don Hitler Von Trumpenov the most extensively Dystopian surveillance privileges in human history. Maybe I’m deranged, being an anti-authoritarian leftist and all, but doesn’t it strike anyone else as a wee bit reckless (and profoundly inconsistent with the rhetoric of new Red Scare) to endow Vladimir Rasputin’s Personal American Bootlicker with a fleet of satellites named after the Dark Lord SAURON?

Seriously: it’s called the Semi-Autonomous Ultra-high Resolution Orbital Network, and it monitors 80% of the Earth at any given moment and can read your credit card from space. For your own good, of course.
But that’s old news, ain’t it? It was leaked way back in 2013, by lil’ Eddie “Controlled Opposition” Snowden, whose conspicuous absence of back-o’-the-head suicide bullet holes speaks louder than any of his “bombshell revelations” ever have. Geeee-wiz, it’s almost as if they want us to know how extensive this shit is!
After all, there isn’t a whole lot of subtlety in their insignia, is there?

Remember, Scouts: whenever you cross paths with a red-eyed hissing Space Hydra looming over North America, be sure to thank it for its “service.”

That’s Latin for: “Never Before, Never Again,” by the way.

Gee, I wonder if they’re referring to “Libertas?”

And of course this World-Engulfing Cosmoctopus is just “keeping us safe” from the friends and kin of butchered shepherd children who inexplicably hate our exceptionally American “way of life.” Seems weird that his mouth-parts are chewing on the USA, and not the Middle-East (or Russia, for that matter). Oh, well. It’s just a symbol, and symbols are meaningless. I mean, we can hardly go a day without seeing Bill Nye or Neil DeGrasse Tyson pop up on the Boob Tube (remember when it was called the Boob-Tube?) warning us about the dangers of COMMON SENSE connecting imaginary dots between false equivalencies, and whatnot. NOTHING IS BEYOND OUR REACH… for humanitarian purposes. Rock a bye baby, in the tree-top…

Like the Nazgul, these “Semi-Autonomous” (read: Artificial Intelligence Systems) satellites are beaming their observations to the NSA’s Utah Data Center, which at this point is essentially Mordor- a sprawling complex in the high desert which tracks and monitors every electronic communication come in and out of the United States. In real time.

And the Ring of Power is on Donald Trump’s hand. Thanks a lot, “Resistance.”

Why did this have to happen?

Because the Orwellian Surveillance State and the Military Industrial Complex have been completely bipartisan institutions since we lost Senator Wellstone. Ever notice how there’s been a conspicuous absence of non-ideological opposition to WAR on general principle ever since Paul and his family fell from the sky? I sure have. That tells me: Democrats may be hypocrites and collaborators, but they sure as hell ain’t stupid. It wasn’t a plane crash, so much as a memo.

And now, here we are:

Trump is sooooo boorish and crude, so repugnant to the liberal American vanguard of Political Correctness, that a majority of Democrats now hold a favorable view of George W. Bush.

Remember him? The Genocidal Village Idiot whose 16-year $5.6 Trillion War of Terror left 2 million dead and heroically made the world safe for ISIS?

Happily retired from ceremonial ranching, he’s a painter now.


With a peculiar fixation on washing himself. Like Pontius Pilate, or Lady MacBeth. Except, you know, without the benefit of a human conscience. Sorry, George. Lizards are terrible artists. You’ve got to at least be part-chimp, or part-gorilla. Go clear some brush, you punk-ass Ivy League pansy.

And fuck anyone straight to Hell- especially any “Liberal”- who waxes nostalgic upon the legacy of this Arch-Nincompoop. Obama won his Peace Prize for Being Not Bush. Now Bush is remembered fondly for Being Not Trump. For Fuck’s sake, AMERICA- is there any boot you won’t lick?

Yes, here we are, America: quibbling over race and sex and gender pronouns in the developed world while bi-partisan flying killer robots burn actual, literal, physical women and children alive in the Third World so a bunch of war profiteers can keep sucking up your taxes. 56% of them go directly to the Pentagram. Ooops, I mean the PentaGONE, baby- GONE. As in, like, $21 Trillion Gone. Vanished. Without a trace. Woopsie-Daisy! NOW SHUT UP AND FILE YOUR TAXES!!!

But don’t you dare call Somalia a “shit hole.” If you do that, someone, somewhere, might actually start to ask how and why it became such a thing in the first place.


Here we are, America: tweeting superficial platitudes of support for celebrity victims of social injustice while 40,000 black African child slaves work 16-hour days mining cobalt and coltan to power those wireless devices you simply can’t live without. Have you seen the latest Apple commercials? They go on and on and on about how their products make you a more just, and better person. So go out every year and buy that new updated iPhone for Christmas, America. Put it on your card. Build your credit. The economy is running strong. You know what that means, right? RIGHT?


Don’t worry, America. The Trump Psyop will soon be over.


Soon, you won’t have to feel like Nobody’s In Control. Everything will be alright, soon. Trust me, now. CONTROL IS COMING BACK, America.


It’ll be so Cathartic. So Therapeutic… so Noble & Righteous & Valiant & True…


You’re gonna love it.


“COO COO COO,” sayeth the Dove o’ Peace, “COO, COO, COUP…”

I used to think they were Opposite Wings of the Same Bird.
Now I know: it’s not a Bird.
But a Locust.
J. B. Turnstone

J. B. Turnstone

The Last Human Lighthouse Keeper at Hamlet's Mill, via
High Priest and Highly Reluctant Treasurer of the Alleged Order of the Nettle and the Toad, an Occult Society for Occultists Who Can't Bear to Keep Anything Occulted. Founder and Vice President, Luddite Ornithologists League (LOL). I shan't apologize for being a politically incorrect omnivore.
J. B. Turnstone