You Wouldn’t Like Me When I’m Angry: Every Single Reason Bruce Banner Loses His Shit in the 70’s Hulk TV Show

Let’s face it, if I was the Hulk it’d be a pretty boring affair that essentially involved me accidentally destroying my house whenever I had to deal with Comcast. That would in fact be awkward but fortunately for TV audiences, 70’s Bruce Banner just so happened to be the most hilariously unlucky motherfucker in history. I’m actually only posting this because I couldn’t make it through more than like 15 of the 131 reasons without losing my shit laughing. Also, I now sort of want to watch all of this. (from Kenneth Johnson.us):

  1. Placed in a small room with a ravenous black panther

 

  1. Somehow locking himself in an old, dark basement, and then nearly

electrocuting himself (really has to be seen to be believed)

 

  1. Falling into the churning water of a boathouse, and then inexplicably being

repeatedly carried over the paddlewheel (this one is stranger than 39)

 

  1. Being trapped in the middle of a forest fire

 

  1. Listening to ultrasonics

 

  1. Attempting to turn off the boiling hot water for the waxmaker, only to have

the faucet break off in his hand and scald him, and then inexplicably slipping and

rolling around in same boiling hot water

 

  1. Kicking over a beehive and then being surprised when the bees are mad at

him

 

  1. Being beaten up and thrown down a well

 

  1. Having his friend tell the New York “syndicate” that David has their money,

so that their enforcers chase David back to his apartment, and then having all his

neighbors close their doors on him rather than listen to him saying “Please!

You’ve GOT to let me in!!!”, and then being beaten up and thrown over the

balcony into the smelly trash cans by same enforcers

 

  1. Being stuck in a cab in New York rush hour traffic – “You don’t understand, I

have to be there by 4:00!” – “Hey, mac, it’s rush hour, we ain’t gettin’ there til five,

so relax.” – “BUT I HAVE TO BE THERE BY FOUR!!!”

 

  1. Helping Ray Walston out with a magic trick by allowing himself to be chained

up and put in a tank of water, only to find that drunk Ray has forgotten to leave

the escape key inside the tank

 

  1. Beaten up and locked in a car trunk

 

  1. Receiving a speeding ticket

 

  1. Having Thor the Thunder God push him around

 

  1. Locked in a drunk tank with a crazy person who insists he is Ernest

Hemingway and then beats the stuffing out of David

 

  1. Being tear gassed

 

  1. Buried in a mine cave-in

 

  1. Injecting himself with the wrong cure

 

  1. Somehow getting himself into a bellfry and then realizing that a bell is there,

just as it strikes the hour

 

  1. Being pushed out of a plane at 30,000 feet by a mean guy who yells “You’re

gonna land a lot sooner than the rest of us!”

 

  1. Being forced to land a 747 without any training or instructions or help, at the

risk of his, the Hulk’s, and everybody else on the plane’s lives

 

  1. Being put in a strait jacket because he’s seen the videotape that proves that

the sanatarium doctor is performing unnecessary lobotomies on the patients,

and then thrashing around so much that he bangs his head on the floor

 

  1. Being stuck in the police department’s voice mail system when he knows his

friend is about to be the next lobotomy subject, only to have the police finally

pick up the phone after he’s turning into the Hulk

 

(read the rest over at Kennethjohnson.us)

Thad McKraken

Thad McKraken

CEO at DMI
Thad McKraken is a psychedelic writer, musician, visual artist, filmmaker, Occultist, and pug enthusiast based out of Seattle. He is the author of the books The Galactic Dialogue: Occult Initiations and Transmissions From Outside of Time, both of which can be picked up on Amazon super cheap.
Thad McKraken