The Hero We Need: The Guy Who Tried To Steal Mark Zuckerberg’s Trash

Aldous Slack

Aldous Slack

Aldous Slack is a pseudonym for a paranoid, anxious, musician, occultist, and traveling part-time writer. He likes sufi poetry and most gardens of earthly delight.
Aldous Slack

“Give everyone the power to share anything with anyone.” Mark Zuckerberg

It’s not easy to hide a lot about your life anymore. For better or worse most of us are plugged into large data collection drag nets, and unfortunately they are becoming more and more necessary to function in life. Google has even managed their way into public schools, allowing the company to collect data through government funded institutions. Facebook has managed to function enough like a public utility as to become a requirement for many work places. On top of that most other third party apps are already fully integrated with these companies. The most troubling fact for me about all of this politically weaponized data and ‘fake news’ isn’t even what has happened so far, it’s where it will go in our future, knowing this technology will only become more sophisticated and more integrated into society at large. So whats one to do, unplug from ‘civilization’? That is definitely a great choice, but the public has shown during the Snowden revelations that even when they find out they’re being spied on they won’t do anything. Perhaps the more yang response, of stealing info from the info gatherers, could bring about more positive change in the masses? From

“In 2014, Mark Zuckerberg bought a new home in San Francisco’s Mission District, about a mile from where I lived at the time. Shortly after the purchase, the man who once printed business cards boasting, “I’m CEO, Bitch” began refurbishing the $10 million “fixer upper.”

I immediately biked over to the area to scope the place out. I figured that having the address of one of the richest and most powerful people in the world could be vaguely useful. Maybe if a Class War ever started, I could point an angry mob in his general direction. Or maybe I could steal his valuable trash.

After four years of stalling, I finally decided to go ahead with the latter idea. My quarter-baked plan was this: I’d drive to his Mission District pied-à-terre on trash collection day, snatch a few bags of whatever, and dig through it. I could learn more about Mark Zuckerberg’s habits and interests, creating my own ad profile of him. Then I could sell this information to brands looking to target that coveted “male, 18-34, billionaire” demographic. Think of it as a physical version of Facebook’s business model.”

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