Author Archive | majestic

Chris Bovey, Chemtrails Conspiracy Troll

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What do you make of Chris Bovey? Assuming his story is true, does his fake chemtrail spraying video prove anything more than it is possible to hoodwink ardent believers of chemtrails / geoengineering theories? Vice presents his story as a debunking, while it seems to me more akin to claiming that because some crop circles are man made, then necessarily all crop circles are hoaxes…

The chemtrails conspiracy theory has been circulating for a while among the same sorts of people who believe that 9/11 was an inside job and celebrities are being controlled by the CIA. In brief, chemtrail enthusiasts think that those white trails of vapor you see pouring out of planes are actually nasty chemical or biological agents that governments are using to geo-engineer the weather, create a vast electromagnetic super-weapon, control the population, or—well, you get the idea. There’s no science or proof whatsoever behind this, but plenty of people are still willing to entertain this vaguely supervillain-esque notion.

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The Mormon Church Is Building a Family Tree of the Entire Human Race

Before you decide that this is completely insane, consider that the Mormon Church already has 32 times the amount of information stored at the Library of Congress. The New Republic excerpts Christine Kenneally’s new book, The Invisible History of the Human Race: How DNA and History Shape Our Identities and Our Futures:

Mormons think as hard as, probably harder than, anyone else in the world about what it means to keep facts alive, or at least to keep them accessible to the living, and the phenomenon they have built out of granite, microfilm, machines, and software is as mind-bogglingly ambitious for our century as the flying buttresses and gargoyles of Notre Dame were in the twelfth century.

The Salt Lake Temple of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Photo: Cookiecaper (CC)

The Salt Lake Temple of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Photo: Cookiecaper (CC)

Even as a large branch of American genealogy sheared off at the turn of the twentieth century into a mad eugenic scheme to reshape the human race, the Mormons got on with their mission to gather and share records.

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One More (Very Compelling) Reason Not To Shop At Walmart

This is gross, stop reading right now if you don’t like stories about stuffed animals and bodily fluids.

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But if you do, the Smoking Gun reports that a Florida man took a stuffed animal off a shelf at Walmart, had his way with it, and then put the soiled beast back on the shelf to be sold. It’s just one more (very compelling) reason not to shop at Walmart!

A Florida man today took a stuffed animal off a Walmart shelf and then used the toy to masturbate before returning the ejaculate-covered item to a store shelf, police report.

The repulsive episode occurred around 3 PM at a Walmart in Brooksville, a city 50 miles north of Tampa.

According to cops, Sean Johnson, 19, walked to the store’s bedding department with a stuffed toy horse and proceeded to pleasure himself–a lewd act that was captured by surveillance cameras.

Johnson, seen in the adjacent mug shot, was then spotted returning the stuffed animal to a Walmart shelf.

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How The Media Has Helped Normalize GOP Crazy

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Alison Lundergan Grimes. Photo: Patrick Delahanty (CC)

Can you remember a time when Republicans didn’t act foam-at-the-mouth radio host crazy? Paul Waldman makes a good point writing at the Washington Post: GOP crazy is now the norm:

The victim of this morning’s pile-on is Kentucky Senate candidate Alison Lundergan Grimes, who was asked in an editorial board meeting whether she had voted for Barack Obama in 2008 and 2012. Grimes hemmed and hawed a bit, obviously scared to say Yes. That isn’t too surprising — when you run as a Democrat in a red state (just as when you run as a Republican in a blue state), you spend a lot of your time explaining why you aren’t like the national party and its leaders. But some people are outraged, including Chuck Todd, who said on Morning Joe (with a look of profound disgust): “Is she ever going to answer a tough question on anything?…I think she disqualified herself.

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Chris Brown Leads the Ebola Conspiracy Charge

It’s no surprise that there are conspiracy theories about the Ebola virus deaths and fears as they spread around the world. Accusations of intentional population control is something that we expect from the usual proponents of nefarious New World Order plans, but now there is a new and unlikely champion: Chris Brown, the R&B singer perhaps most famous for battering Rihanna’s face into an ugly mess. Here’s his tweet on the topic – note the number of retweets and favorites:

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The Holy Prepuce

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Grigori Rasputin

I just don’t know how to introduce an essay about Christ’s foreskin, known as the Holy Prepuce, so take it away Stassa Edwards at The New Inquiry:

Europe’s history of penis worship was cast aside when the Catholic Church decided Jesus’s foreskin was too potent to control.

Grigori Rasputin’s dick is on display at the Museum of Erotics in Saint Petersburg. Housed in a jar of formaldehyde, the member, which the museum’s owner claims he obtained from a French antiquarian, is quite sizable. Actually, it’s enormous for a human penis: Wide and meaty, it measures about a foot long. According to the museum, just gazing on the preserved member can cure a range of problems, everything from infertility to a humdrum sex life. But the specimen isn’t a human penis. It more than likely came from a horse.

It wouldn’t be the first time something inhuman was passed off as Rasputin’s dick.

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Elon Musk Warns Artificial Intelligence Could Wipe Out Humanity

As one of the most celebrated of technology pioneers, Elon Musk (Tesla cars, SpaceX, etc.) knows a thing or two about where technology is headed, and he’s not at all sure there will be a positive outcome for humanity per this interview with Walter Isaacson for Vanity Fair:

Tesla and SpaceX C.E.O. Elon Musk said he was worried that people didn’t understand how fast artificial intelligence was progressing, and expressed his concern that, in a worst-case scenario, a “super-intelligent” machine might decide to destroy human life.

Musk was speaking to Walter Isaacson, the president and C.E.O. of the Aspen Institute, on stage at Vanity Fair’s New Establishment Summit in San Francisco. Musk, uncharacteristically wearing a suit, detailed his fears after teasing the announcement of Tesla’s secretive project called “the D.”

“I don’t think anyone realizes how quickly artificial intelligence is advancing. Particularly if [the machine is] involved in recursive self-improvement .

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Help Dario Argento Make A Movie Starring Iggy Pop

Two venerable icons of counterculture, Dario Argento and Iggy Pop want to make a movie together and they’re crowd funding it at Indiegogo:

THE_SANDMAN_POSTERHere’s the pitch:

Friends! Romans! Countrymen –– lend us your… eyes — while you still have them, that is — and look over our Indiegogo campaign, to ensure that The Maestro (of Terror), Dario Argento, and The Godfather (of Punk) Iggy Pop have free reign to make this next horror film a true masterpiece for the ages!

Beware The Sandman!

Maybe other places, you’ve heard about other kinds of Sandmen — forget everything you’ve heard. This guy doesn’t put sand in your eyes so you drift peacefully to sleep — don’t you wish! This Sandman is the real deal, going back to the dark, original German legend: the REAL Sandman was someone who stole the eyes of any children that wouldn’t just close them and go to sleep… then he’d go feed them to his hungry children on the moon.… Read the rest

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In Defense of Obama

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Photo: Elizabeth Cromwell (CC)

Paul Krugman has penned a lengthy essay for Rolling Stone on why President Obama is getting a raw deal from virtually everyone, including an opinion that “Obama has emerged as one of the most consequential and, yes, successful presidents in American history”:

When it comes to Barack Obama, I’ve always been out of sync. Back in 2008, when many liberals were wildly enthusiastic about his candidacy and his press was strongly favorable, I was skeptical. I worried that he was naive, that his talk about transcending the political divide was a dangerous illusion given the unyielding extremism of the modern American right. Furthermore, it seemed clear to me that, far from being the transformational figure his supporters imagined, he was rather conventional-minded: Even before taking office, he showed signs of paying far too much attention to what some of us would later take to calling Very Serious People, people who regarded cutting budget deficits and a willingness to slash Social Security as the very essence of political virtue.

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Sulawesi Cave Paintings Offer New Conclusions About Origins of Art

Cave paintings in Sulawesi, Indonesia, have been estimated to be at least 39,900 years old, changing ideas about creative art being exclusively European, reports BBC News (note to Graham Hancock fans: how does this affect Graham’s hypothesis in Supernatural?):

Scientists have identified some of the earliest cave paintings produced by humans.

Sulawesi cave painting with Dr Maxime Aubert (Photo: Dr. Aubert).

Sulawesi cave painting with Dr Maxime Aubert (Photo: Dr. Aubert).

Until now, paintings this old had been confirmed in caves only in Western Europe.

Researchers tell the journal Nature that the Indonesian discovery transforms ideas about how humans first developed the ability to produce art.

Early artists made them by carefully blowing paint around hands that were pressed tightly against the cave walls and ceilings. The oldest is at least 40,000 years old.

There are also human figures, and pictures of wild hoofed animals that are found only on the island. Dr Maxime Aubert, of Griffith University in Queensland, Australia, who dated the paintings found in Maros in Southern Sulawesi, explained that one of them (shown immediately below) was probably the earliest of its type.

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