Tag Archives | AOL

What The Bible Really Says About Sex

LotCould this “sex and the Bible” story by Lisa Miller be a taste of what the new Daily Beast-ly version of Newsweek will become? Maybe they read the leaked AOL business plan that requires all stories to be SEO-optimized, meaning lots of “content” featuring sex, God and scandal…

The poem describes two young lovers aching with desire. The obsession is mutual, carnal, complete. The man lingers over his lover’s eyes and hair, on her teeth, lips, temples, neck, and breasts, until he arrives at “the mount of myrrh.” He rhapsodizes. “All of you is beautiful, my love,” he says. “There is no flaw in you.”

The girl returns his lust with lust. “My lover thrust his hand through the hole,” she says, “and my insides groaned because of him.”

This ode to sexual consummation can be found in—of all places—the Bible. It is the Song of Solomon, a poem whose origins likely reach back to the pagan love songs of Egypt more than 1,200 years before the birth of Jesus.

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Never Compromise On Fart Jokes

Now that Mike Arrington has sold TechCrunch to AOL for some tens of millions of dollars (the amount seems to vary depending on who you ask), is he going to try to get fired? Maybe this is his first attempt:

The 1975 movie Monty Python and the Holy Grail has an honored place on my dusty DVD shelf, along with every other Monty Python Movie, Caddie Shack, Fletch and a variety of other movies that shaped my childhood and helped me get through many evenings in high school and college. The best line? “I don’t want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.” If you haven’t seen it, shame on you.

It turns out the fart in your general direction line made British censors squeamish, as well as overuse of “shit,” “Jesus Christ,” and at least one reference to oral sex.

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