Tag Archives | asparagus

Predicting The Future With Asparagus

English: Asparagus bundled

Asparagus bundled (Photo credit: Wikipedia) (CC)

After reading this, I am seriously considering becoming a cannibismancer. However, you will need to send me a bud to get a reading.

via The Kernel

There is an attitude in today’s world that rejects the mysticism of tarot readers and astrologers. It is fortunate, then, that there’s a new profession to bring forth your fortune from the mists of time. Her name is Jemima Packington, and she is the Asparamancer.

The Asparamancer lives a lonely life, for she is the only one of her kind and has no mentors or prodigies, nor established practices. But from the humble tips of asparagus, Jemima can see the future. Having complete faith in the wonders of the vegetable, I wrote to her and crossed her palm with journalistic promises. I asked to go to her, but this was rebuffed so as to preserve the sanctity of the Asparagus Grove, and instead I was requested to send some pictures of asparagus.

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British Woman Predicts The Future Via Throwing Asparagus

South West England's This Is Somerset profiles a local celebrity who hurls pieces of asparagus and gleans the future by interpreting how they land. Think of it as a terrible alternative to reading tea leaves:
A fortune teller who predicts the future using ASPARAGUS unveiled her top tips for 2012 - including two Royal pregnancies, the collapse of the Euro, and British glory at the Olympics. Mystic Jemima Packington, 56, claims to be the world's only Asparamancer. She has made dozens of accurate predictions in recent years, including the demise of Gordon Brown, the credit crunch, and Oscar glory for British film The King's Speech.
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