Tag Archives | Florida

The Legend of Florida Man

Have you noticed that many of the most lurid tabloid headlines begin with “Florida Man…”? It’s such a strong trend that an anonymous person’s Twitter feed @_FloridaMan has become a massive social media success, picked up on by the New York Times:

MIAMI — Dangling into the sea like America’s last-ditch lifeline, the state of Florida beckons. Hustlers and fugitives, million-dollar hucksters and harebrained thieves, Armani-wearing drug traffickers and hapless dope dealers all congregate, scheme and revel in the Sunshine State. It’s easy to get in, get out or get lost.

For decades, this cast of characters provided a diffuse, luckless counternarrative to the salt-and-sun-kissed Florida that tourists spy from their beach towels. But recently there arrived a digital-era prototype, @_FloridaMan, a composite of Florida’s nuttiness unspooled, tweet by tweet, to the world at large. With pithy headlines and links to real news stories, @_FloridaMan offers up the “real-life stories of the world’s worst super hero,” as his Twitter bio proclaims.

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Man Brings Dead Body in Truck to His Lawyer

order_242 (CC BY-SA 2.0)

order_242 (CC BY-SA 2.0)

Earlier in the day I mentioned how weird events tend to happen in either Ohio or Florida. Well, lo and behold, this little tale takes place in Florida.

Florida lawyer Robert Harris says his client brought the dead body of his neighbor to Harris’ office earlier this month.

According to Newser, “John Marshall, 52, arrived around 4pm with a missing tooth, a puffed-up lip, and ‘what looked like two broken thumbs.'” Marshall claims that he killed his neighbor in self-defense. He says that he grabbed a gun away from Ted Hubbell and shot him.

“It’s the cleanest-cut case of self-defense I’ve ever seen,” Harris told The Florida News Press. Though he did say, “They don’t teach you about this in law school, that’s for sure.”

There was an on-going dispute between Hubbell and Marshall over property work. At one point, Marshall called the attorneys’ office and expressed concern about his safety.… Read the rest

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Florida Officials Push New Kratom Education Initiative

"Kratom tree" by ThorPorre - Own work. Licensed under CC BY 3.0 via Wikimedia Commons.

Kratom tree” by ThorPorreOwn work. Licensed under CC BY 3.0 via Wikimedia Commons.

Keith Edley via entheology.com:

A recent Sun Sentinel article marked a potential turning point in the hysteria that has recently engulfed West Palm Beach, Boynton Beach, and nearby Florida towns regarding kratom. A herbal supplement that has risen in popularity, kratom is now offered at Florida kava bars, convenience stores, and gas stations [7]. The suicide of a 20-year-old Boynton Beach man, Ian Mautner, is promising to become a flashpoint for the issue of kratom’s safety and regulation after several news reports highlighted the fact that he was a kratom user, a factor his mother has argued led him to take his own life [7]. However, the most recent developments in the story indicate that Palm Beach County officials are backing away from an outright ban on kratom and may instead implement educational initiatives to teach consumers about kratom, its effects, and its potential risks [7].

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Anti-Marijuana Ad Positions Marijuana as a Date Rape Drug

Taken from No on 2's Facebook page.

Taken from No on 2’s Facebook page.

What will they come up with next?

via News.Mic:

The news: This has gone too far. In its latest attempt to prevent the legalization of medical marijuana, a Florida group has launched a new campaign that suggests pot — not alcohol or roofies — will be used for date rape.

Sorry, ‘No On 2,’ marijuana is simply not a date rape drug.

Here’s how actual date rape drugs work: Predators slip drugs like ketamines (Special K) or rohypnol (roofies), which typically have no color, smell or taste, into drinks or food when their target isn’t paying attention. The drugs not only make you physically weak but slow down your brain, making you feel confused and sometimes knocking you unconscious, thereby unable to refuse sex.

Marijuana doesn’t work that way. Worse still, misleading ads like these distract people from the fact that a (perfectly legal) drug is the single most commonly used substance to help commit sexual assault — alcohol.

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Florida Man Claiming To Be ‘Palm Reader’ Palming Women In Walmart Parking Lot

Screen Shot 2014-05-20 at 3.45.12 PMWhat? Next thing I know you’ll be telling me that the guy offering prostate exams in the back alley behind Taco Bell isn’t legit.

According to an arrest report, a female reported Thursday that she was approached by the man in the Walmart parking lot after she had loaded her child into her car. He said he wanted to read her palm.

The man told the woman he could tell she was pregnant and requested to feel the child’s heartbeat. Although the woman said “no” the man insisted and touched the woman’s breast. Before walking away, the man told the woman the child was a boy.

via Sanford Herald – Sanford man arrested after groping women in Walmart parking lot.

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Important Public Health Message: Don’t Drink Liquid Nitrogen

No matter how yummy it might sound or how nifty keen the vapor looks, please try to refrain from drinking this sub-zero liquid that can burn holes through your digestive tract. This message brought to you by  a charitable donation from the partnership of “You should have paid attention in science class” and “Yeah, well the carnies at the state fair swear their rides are safe, too”, with substantial underwriting by “Were this a comic book you’d have super powers now”.

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MIAMI BEACH, Florida (Reuters) – A trendy South Beach restaurant has pulled liquid nitrogen cocktails off its menu after a woman was served a drink with too much of the sub-zero liquid and was rushed to the hospital with a burned esophagus.

Luxury “cryogenic cocktails” have become popular, with bartenders using small amounts of liquid nitrogen to create smoking drinks. The liquid can also instantly freeze everything from ice cream to fruit, which then easily shatters into glass-like shards.

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Florida Man Wants To Marry His Computer Because Of Gay Marriage Or Something

PIC: G. Dallarto (C)

PIC: G. Dallarto (C)

Chris Sevier is taking a stand against gay marriage (I think?) by filing a suit to marry his computer.   (I’m assuming that laptop of his doesn’t have any lesbian porn on it. )

via Florida Man Says He Wants to “Marry My Porn Filled Apple Computer” in Federal Gay Marriage Case | New Times Broward-Palm Beach.

Enter Chris Sevier, “a former Judge Advocate and combat veteran” who filed a motion to intervene on the Florida gay marriage case on behalf of “other minority sexual orientation groups.”

In the 24-page document, Sevier says that if gay couples “have the right to marry their object of sexual desire, even if they lack corresponding sexual parts, then I should have the right to marry my preferred sexual object.”

Which is?

“My porn filled Apple computer,” according to Sevier’s filing.

Recently, I purchased an Apple computer. The computer was sold to me without filters to block out pornography.

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Indigenous Activists Speak Out as Florida Agencies Prepare to Flood Sacred Burial Grounds

PIC: EarthFirst (CC)

PIC: EarthFirst (CC)

Via the Earth First! Newswire, Matt Keene writes:

Indigenous peoples and those standing in solidarity refuse to sit idle as the St. Johns River Water Management District and U.S. Army Corps of Engineers prepare to flood sacred burial grounds.

The indigenous activists have concentrated their efforts near the headwaters of the St Johns River in the Three Forks Marsh Conservation Area, where the SJRWMD and USACE intend to flood approximately 14,000 acres, creating a sprawling lake on top of essential wetlands and disturbing indigenous burial grounds.

In an urgent call to action, the Council of the Original Miccosukee Simanolee Nation Aboriginal Peoples stated that:

“The U.S. Army Corps of Engineers, Water Management Districts and Seminole Tribe, Inc. have crossed the line disturbing our way of life, and our culture, and our sacred (holy) grounds and sacred (holy) aboriginal burial grounds. This has been going on too long.

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