When I was 15 years-old, I began exercising on my own. At the time, I had the shame of having been diagnosed with co-ordination problems and had been placed in a special gym class.
I suffered from anxiety, allergies and asthma. In school I had a lot of social fear. At times this anxiety would manifests in severe headaches and bouts of vomiting lasting a few days at a time. I learned that I could escape these headaches by moving around and changing my mindset. I would try things like walking differently, talking differently, being more outgoing and striking up conversations with people.
Looking back, I think what was happening was that my mental state had become toxic. I was playing these mental tapes over and over again in endless loops until I made myself sick from anxiety. I had become stuck in a destructive pattern. I had the sensation of leaving this painful state and escaping into a new state that involved more spontaneity.… Read the rest