Tag Archives | gifts

Patron Saints of Time Travel Candles [Disinformation Holiday Gift Guide]

I came across these candles awhile ago and they’ve been sitting on my “gift ideas” Pinterest board (don’t judge!) for awhile now. I may or may not have bought ‘em for someone in my family. (I did, but I really hope he/she doesn’t read this and figure it out! They look awesome, by the way.)

So, if you’re not already done buying gifts for the Holidays, maybe you know someone who will appreciate these. You can buy them as a set or individually.

Happy Time Travels (and Holidays).

 

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A UFO Detector With Magnetometer For Detecting Magnetic Anomalies

detectWant to give a holiday gift that can uncover the secrets of the universe? Why not go with this UFO detector of questionable legitimacy for sale on Amazon:

UFO sightings are reported all over the planet by thousands of people. The real question is whether UFO’s are interstellar vehicles visiting Earth? Most UFO sightings can be classified as misidentified aircraft, planets or other aerial phenomena, but not all of them. A small percentage of UFO sightings can’t be explained by any known aircraft or natural phenomena.

Over the years real UFO sightings have reported simultaneous electromagnetic disturbances. The UFO Detector is designed to sense these electromagnetic disturbances and signal their detection flashing 16 LED’s simultaneously and beeping.

The elegantly designed transparent plastic case is a handsome sculptured conversation piece that’s allows one to see the electronics inside the case. Suitable for display on a desk, shelf or bedroom dresser. Uses a 6V wall transformer (included).

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Wild Dolphins Give Treasured Gifts To Humans

A peace offering from our aquatic brethren? Discovery reports:

On 23 occasions over the past several years, wild dolphins were observed giving gifts to humans at the Tangalooma Island Resort in Australia. The gifts included eels, tuna, squid, an octopus and an assortment of many other types of different fin fish. While these gifts might not be your choice for Christmas, some of the items that were offered to humans are highly valued food sources for cetaceans such as dolphins.

The wild dolphins that were observed giving gifts to human in Australia were regular visitors to a provisioning program at the Tangalooma Island Resort. Dolphins of diverse ages and both sexes engaged in the gift-giving behavior, and scientists are not entirely sure of what is motivating their behavior.

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On The Hidden Pagan Meaning Of Santa Claus

Via Verso Books, McKenzie Wark defends Christmas in fantastic fashion:

Xmas is pagan, and this is what places it outside of Jewish and Christian understandings, of gifts, of aesthetics, of time. Christians understood its power and tried to coopt it. But the Christian version distorts it by tying it to the birth of their sacrificial savior. The pagan way is about understanding excess in and of itself, not as compensation for sacrifice.

What is essential to Xmas: there is a tree, and a gift for a child under a tree, that is “from Santa.” For the child, Xmas has nothing to do with ‘consumerism’. The gift just appears. Its a bit of what the surrealists called the marvelous. For the adult, it is a way to give to the child without expecting the child to be grateful to the parent. Rather, it is so the child can know that world itself could be generous.

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Toy Surveillance Glasses For Kids

Play objects often mimic the realities of the adult world. The hot gift for for sale this holiday season is children’s SpyNet Glasses, which allow the child to steathily record video of everyone around them and upload the footage. The line of toys also includes a mock taser:

The SpyNet HQ glasses provide stealthy video recording, disguised as sunglasses! Get all the intel, in plain sight! Records up to 20 minutes of video – upload to your computer and SpyNetHQ.com!

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Shape Shifting Lizard Skin Cream (With Vitamin E)

Via Boing Boing, the ideal David Icke-approved holiday gift for the important people in your life is up for sale on Etsy:

Shapeshifting from lizard to human form is great for controlling Earth so you can mine gold to save your dying homeworld, but it’s not so great for your skin.

When you’re juggling appointments and global depopulation deadlines, you don’t have time for an exhaustive skincare regime, especially after you’ve been up all night sodomising infants on a blood-soaked altar.

That’s why there’s new Hypoallergenic Shapeshifting Lizard Skin Cream. Never again spend hours removing crusty nodules from your armoured eyelids or sandblasting your segmented underbelly. Instead, spend your life-cycle on the things that really matter to you: eating babies, manipulating financial markets and basking on rocks in the warm glow of Earth’s home star.

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