Tag Archives | Humor

The Onion: Buddhist Extremist Cell Vows To Unleash Tranquility On West

Sadly, a parody. Wouldn’t mind if it was true…

Via The Onion:

WASHINGTON—In a 45-minute video posted on Tibetan websites Thursday, Tsuglag Rinpoche, leader of the Buddhist extremist group Kammaṭṭhāna, threatened to soon inflict a wave of peace and tranquility on the West.

Speaking in front of a nondescript altar surrounded by candles, burning sticks of incense, and a small golden statue of the Buddha, Rinpoche did not specify when or where an assault of profound inner stillness would occur, but stated in no uncertain terms that the fundamentalist Buddhist cell plans to target all Western suffering.

“In the name of the Great Teacher, we will stop at nothing to unleash a firestorm of empathy, compassion, and true selflessness upon the West,” said Rinpoche, adding that all enemies of a freely flowing, unfettered state of mind will be “besieged with pure, everlasting happiness.” “No city will be spared from spiritual harmony.

Read the rest
Continue Reading

Ted Cruz: Destroying Entire Planet Only Reliable Way To End Obamacare

Ted_Cruz,_official_portrait,_113th_CongressFrom the New Yorker:

…Explaining his proposal to a visibly alarmed Crowley, Senator Cruz said, “Obamacare is like a parasite that needs a host to feed on. If you want to kill the parasite you kill the host, and in this case that means killing this planet. As long as there’s a planet Earth, the nightmare of Obamacare could always come screaming back to life.”

While he was not specific about how he would go about destroying the planet, Cruz said, “This is something that my colleagues and I have been working on for some time.”

The Texas senator refused to speculate on whether there were enough votes in Congress to support his proposal of obliterating Earth, but he ended his interview on a personal note: “Candy, I don’t want my children and my children’s children to live in a world with Obamacare. And the best way to guarantee that is by destroying the world.”

Keep reading

Read the rest

Continue Reading

The Universe Does Not Exist: Conspiratorial Cosmology – the Case Against the Universe

From Modern Mythology:

German physicists Jörg P. Rachen and Ute G. Gahlings have recently discovered evidence of a Universal Conspiracy and have just published their results in a brilliant exposé published in the highly esteemed Journal of Comparative Irrelevance:

Abstract: “Based on the cosmological results of the Planck Mission, we show that all parameters describing our Universe within the ΛCDM model can be constructed from a small set of numbers known from conspiracy theory. Our finding is confirmed by recent data from high energy particle physics. This clearly demonstrates that our Universe is a plot initiated an unknown interest group or lodge. We analyse possible scenarios for this conspiracy, and conclude that the belief in the existence of our Universe is an illusion, as previously assumed by ancient philosophers, 20th century science fiction authors and contemporary film makers.

 

 

It’s like this, only BIGGER

Read the rest

Continue Reading

Have You Heard the One About the Comedian, the Millionaire and the Orangutan?

Photo: Gage Skidmore (CC)

That would be Bill Maher, Donald Trump and Trump’s father (or not). Unfortunately, the Donald doesn’t find the joke funny, reports Reuters:

A comedian, a millionaire and an orangutan. It may sound like the beginning of a screwball joke, but Donald Trump isn’t laughing.

The famously outspoken real estate magnate has sued famously outspoken television host Bill Maher, demanding the $5 million Maher offered to give to charity if Trump could prove his father is not an orangutan.

But legal experts say Trump is unlikely to get a dime from Maher, the host of the HBO series Real Time With Bill Maher, because his offer was clearly made in jest.

“It’s parody,” said Bryan Sullivan, a Los Angeles entertainment lawyer. “You know Bill Maher is a comedian and a satirist. The offer is so ridiculous.”

Trump, however, has taken the comic at his word…

[continues at Reuters]

Read the rest

Continue Reading