Tag Archives | Idiocracy

Boobs and Booze? Where Do I Sign?

“By the way, if anyone here is in marketing or advertising…kill yourself.” – Bill Hicks.

According to The New York Daily News:

A German liquor company called G-Spirits is promising customers that “every drop” of its line of alcoholic beverages has been poured on the naked breasts of a certified model — with her approval, of course.

[…]

The booze brand brags that its barrel-aged whisky has been thoroughly splashed on the ample bosom of Alexa Varga, Hungary’s 2012 Playboy Playmate of the Year.

For 139 euros (around $180 plus shipping), says the firm, you will find “its unbelievably versatile flavors range from roasted almonds, dried fruit, and toffee, to honey, vanilla, baked apples and cinnamon. Its finish is harmonic, well-balanced, spicy and long-lasting.”

The company claims that the stock is limited to a mere 5000 bottles and comes with a certificate, including the original signature of the model and the bottle number, which proves that “every single drop” touched the model’s flesh.

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The Shadow Scholar – The Man Who Writes Students’ Papers Tells His Story

AnonymousIf you ever wondered why America’s great centers of learning churn out this endless parade of half-asses and mouth-breathers, our friend Ed Dante tells us how they make the grade. From the academic journal The Chronicle Review:

The request came in by e-mail around 2 in the afternoon. It was from a previous customer, and she had urgent business. I quote her message here verbatim (if I had to put up with it, so should you): “You did me business ethics propsal for me I need propsal got approved pls can you will write me paper?”

I’ve gotten pretty good at interpreting this kind of correspondence. The client had attached a document from her professor with details about the paper. She needed the first section in a week. Seventy-five pages.

I told her no problem.

It truly was no problem. In the past year, I’ve written roughly 5,000 pages of scholarly literature, most on very tight deadlines.

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Reality TV in the Age of Credulity

Joseph Allen writes on Confessions of a CyberCasualty:

kill your tvI recently got my foot smashed to hell while doing something stupid. Crippled and couchbound, I indulged the great American painkiller: Reality Television. That just made me more stupid.

We all know the Idiot Box is an insidious device. The TV snares your attention and lulls you into a passive stupor, polluting the subconscious with compulsive memes and corporate logos. It’s like getting blown by an android in a Wal-Mart stockroom. Yet there I was, swilling beers and letting Jersey Shore, American Idol, and truTV’s All Worked Up drown me under electromagnetic waves of human detritus.

Reverend Ron is a redneck repo man with a bleached flattop and cameras in his face. Ron cruises Lizard Lick, NC with Bobby the badass sidekick, reclaiming unpaid vehicles from ignorant white trash and whippin’ ass when necessary. That’s what All Worked Up is all about.… Read the rest

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