Tag Archives | Jesus

Save The Date: Jesus Returns May 21, 2011!

Jesus Is BackBob Smietana writes in the Tennessean:

That’s the message on 40 billboards around Nashville, proclaiming May 21, 2011, as the date of the Rapture. Billboards are up in eight other U.S. cities, too.

Fans of Family Radio Inc., a nationwide Christian network, paid for the billboards. Family Radio’s founder, Harold Camping, predicted the May date for the Rapture.

Their message is simple — “He Is Coming Again” — and their aim is to get unbelievers to turn around quickly. But critics say the billboards are a waste of time, one more failed attempt to predict the end of the world.

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Jesus Lookalike Banned From Church

In Christianity, you’re supposed to be like Jesus, but not too much like Jesus, because that would make everyone uncomfortable. At least that’s the metaphorical meaning I draw from this story: a man was escorted out of a St. Louis church by police after he showed up looking too Christ-like:

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Man Sees Dalek In Tree Trunk, Mistakes It For Jesus

Jesus or Dalek in Tree?Hell of a mistake, friend. Instead of “Love thy neighbor as thyself” you might be facing: “Exterminate! Exterminate! Exterminate!” Rich Johnston writes on Bleeding Cool:

From the Winston-Salem Journal comes this charming story about an elderly fellow, Bill Johnson, who has discovered the image of Jesus in a tree limb that fell in his front yard. He believes it to be a “robed image of Jesus with an outstretched hand. The head is near the center of the limb where the rings of the tree are lighter, giving an almost halo appearance.”

And he’s milked this observation in newspapers and TV … but seriously. Halo, or no halo, that’s not Jesus.

That’s a Dalek.

The two differ in a number of ways. One is the saviour of the world, the Son of God, who died and is risen and will come again in glory to judge the living and the dead.

Read the rest

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Jesus Thwarts An Armed Robbery (Video)

JesusPowersIn all fairness to the Good Lord’s superpowers, this convert to Christ did go on to rob another store the same day. I wonder how he’d hold up against Darth Vader, who recently robbed a bank in Long Island. Via the AP:

Authorities in South Florida have charged the man they say backed out of robbing a MetroPCS store after an employee spoke with him about Jesus. The Broward County Sheriff’s Office said Friday that 37-year-old Israel Camacho of Coral Springs later committed an armed robbery caught on surveillance video at a Payless ShoeSource.

Investigators say Camacho entered a Metro PCS store in Pompano Beach last Friday, chatting with an employee and then displaying a gun and demanding cash from the register. The employee, Nayara Goncalves, spoke with Camacho about church and God and eventually convinced him not to hurt her.

Authorities say he robbed the Payless ShoeSource a few hours later. He has been charged with armed robbery and attempted armed robbery.

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Jesus, Sodomy, and Glocks

Angry JesusVia the First Church of Mutterhals:

That sounds like a Warren Zevon song from hell, but it’s not. It’s what I saw on someone’s car on the way to work today. Three bumper stickers, right in a row; the first one said Jesus Saves, Obama Spends. The second said Obama is Socializing and Sodomizing America. The third said Body Piercings by Glock.

Let me pull up my favorite arm chair and give this guy a go. I think his choice in bumper stickers has less to do with his distaste for Obama and his policies and more to do with his fervent desire to get reamed long and hard by a Jewish hippie. Of course, that’s really none of my business. But is it appropriate to put your deep seated sexual fantasies on the back of your car?

Also, I thought christians were supposed to be anti-sodomy?… Read the rest

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Glenn Beck Sez, “The Jews Killed Jesus”

Yes, it’s another day and another piece of drivel from the mouth of Glenn Beck. This time it’s one of the bedrocks of antisemitism — that the Jews killed Jesus. How much longer until this guy overstays his welcome? Does his audience have an infinite capacity to absorb this stuff?

Here’s the story at Gawker:

Dream presidential candidate Glennifer Beck was on his television program last night talking about liberation theology and religion and stuff and he dropped some theological-historical knowledge on us: The Jews killed Jesus! Haven’t you missed that old saw?

Yeah, the “Jews killed Jesus” thing is one of the bedrock “arguments” of antisemitism and Glenn Beck, known Mormon, just up and said it…

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Did Jesus Really Die On A Cross?

JesusHangingAssuming Jesus was a real person, did he die on a cross? A Christian scholar is arguing that the “Christ on a cross” idea seems to be a complete fabrication, with no reliable ancient texts indicating that crucifixion was an execution method of the era, and the Bible itself saying only that Jesus died on a staurus (pole). Which means that rather being a symbol of ultimate sacrifice, the Christian cross is a branding/graphic design choice. From the Atlantic:

The crucifixion is apparently under review. In his doctoral thesis, newly graduated Swedish theologian Gunnar Samuelsson argues that the cross Jesus supposedly died on may not actually have been a cross. He explains in an interview with DRadio Wissen, a German station: “the New Testament said that Jesus died some way on something called a staurus … that’s a Greek name for a cross or a pole or something … I call it an execution device only to be [distinguished] from the common notion that it must be a cross, because it mustn’t be a cross–it could be a pole, for instance, or a tree trunk, or something else.”

Samuelsson did some serious research before advancing this provocative argument: “I spent almost three years,” he says, “reading all the ancient texts I could find … from about Homer until the first century of the Common Era.” He says “some kind of suspension of a living or a dead person or a part of a person” was indeed common at the time, but crucifixion is not mentioned.

Read the rest

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Lightning Burns Up Six-Story Jesus Statue in Ohio (Video)

Lightning Strikes Jesus StatueAct of God? Can you believe this statue was nicknamed “Touchdown Jesus”? Man, God is a tough quarterback … Reports the AP:

A six-story statue of Jesus Christ was struck by lightning and burned to the ground, leaving only a blackened steel skeleton and pieces of foam that were scooped up by curious onlookers Tuesday.

The “King of Kings” statue, one of southwest Ohio’s most familiar landmarks, had stood since 2004 at the evangelical Solid Rock Church along Interstate 75 in Monroe, just north of Cincinnati.

The sculpture, about 62 feet tall and 40 feet wide at the base, showed Jesus from the torso up and was nicknamed “Touchdown Jesus” because of the way the arms were raised, similar to a referee signaling a touchdown. It was made of plastic foam and fiberglass over a steel frame, which is all that remained Tuesday.

The nickname is the same used for a famous mural of the resurrected Jesus that overlooks the Notre Dame football stadium.

The fire spread from the statue to an adjacent amphitheater but was confined to the attic area, and no one was injured, police Chief Mark Neu said.

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What Did Jesus Do?

Christus_Ravenna_MosaicAdam Gopnik asks some tough questions about Jesus, “reading and unreading the Gospels,” in the New Yorker:

When we meet Jesus of Nazareth at the beginning of the Gospel of Mark, almost surely the oldest of the four, he’s a full-grown man. He comes down from Galilee, meets John, an ascetic desert hermit who lives on locusts and wild honey, and is baptized by him in the River Jordan. If one thing seems nearly certain to the people who read and study the Gospels for a living, it’s that this really happened: John the Baptizer—as some like to call him, to give a better sense of the original Greek’s flat-footed active form—baptized Jesus. They believe it because it seems so unlikely, so at odds with the idea that Jesus always played the star in his own show: why would anyone have said it if it weren’t true? This curious criterion governs historical criticism of Gospel texts: the more improbable or “difficult” an episode or remark is, the likelier it is to be a true record, on the assumption that you would edit out all the weird stuff if you could, and keep it in only because the tradition is so strong that it can’t plausibly be excluded. If Jesus says something nice, then someone is probably saying it for him; if he says something nasty, then probably he really did…

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