The video you've been waiting for ... if what you've been waiting for is a low-budget version of Star Trek in which the Enterprise crew are evangelicals. From Everything Is Terrible:
Tag Archives | Jesus
Hard to believe, but mad Mormon Glenn Beck has publicly told Christians to give up their churches if they hear anything there about social justice, as reported in the New York Times:
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Last week, the conservative broadcaster Glenn Beck called on Christians to leave their churches if they heard any preaching about social or economic justice because, he claimed, those were slogans affiliated with Nazism and Communism.
This week, the Rev. Jim Wallis, a liberal evangelical leader in Washington, D.C., called on Christians to leave Glenn Beck.
“What he has said attacks the very heart of our Christian faith, and Christians should no longer watch his show,” Mr. Wallis, who heads the antipoverty group Sojourners, wrote on his “God’s Politics” blog. “His show should now be in the same category as Howard Stern.”
Mr. Beck, in vilifying churches that promote “social justice,” managed to insult just about every mainline Protestant, Roman Catholic, African-American, Hispanic and Asian congregation in the country — not to mention plenty of evangelical ones.
Flamboyant British pop icon Elton John is making headlines for a controversial interview in, of all places, Parade, the (usually) boring Sunday newspaper magazine. Some choice samples:
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“I think Jesus was a compassionate, super-intelligent gay man who understood human problems. On the cross, he forgave the people who crucified him. Jesus wanted us to be loving and forgiving. I don’t know what makes people so cruel. Try being a gay woman in the Middle East — you’re as good as dead.”
“Just about every relationship I ever had was involved with drugs. It never works. But I always had to be with someone, good or bad, otherwise I didn’t feel fulfilled. I’d lost the plot.”
“For some people a gram of cocaine can last a month. Not me. I have to do the lot, and then I want more. At the end of the day, all it led to was heartache.”
“Princess Diana, Gianni Versace, John Lennon, Michael Jackson, all dead.
John Blake reports for CNN:
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Each Christmas, Christians tell stories about the poor baby Jesus born in a lowly manger because there was no room in the inn.
But the Rev. C. Thomas Anderson, senior pastor of the Living Word Bible Church in Mesa, Arizona, preaches a version of the Christmas story that says baby Jesus wasn’t so poor after all.
Anderson says Jesus couldn’t have been poor because he received lucrative gifts — gold, frankincense and myrrh — at birth. Jesus had to be wealthy because the Roman soldiers who crucified him gambled for his expensive undergarments. Even Jesus’ parents, Mary and Joseph, lived and traveled in style, he says.
“Mary and Joseph took a Cadillac to get to Bethlehem because the finest transportation of their day was a donkey,” says Anderson. “Poor people ate their donkey. Only the wealthy used it as transportation.”
Many Christians see Jesus as the poor, itinerant preacher who had “no place to lay his head.” But as Christians gather around the globe this year to celebrate the birth of Jesus, another group of Christians are insisting that Jesus’ beginnings weren’t so humble.
Christian-themed retailer Boss Creations is “putting the ‘Christ’ back into Christmas.”
Putting one of these in the living room is a real conversation-starter…and after the holiday season is over you can hang laundry on it, or something.
From the Telegraph:
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Archaeologists say they have discovered the first known pieces of a burial shroud from the time of Jesus in Jerusalem, casting doubt on the authenticity of the Turin Shroud.
Researchers believe the fabric of the fragments, the first of their kind to be discovered in Jerusalem, are of a different weave to those of the Turin Shroud, hailed by many as Christ’s burial cloth but dismissed by others as a fake.
Radiocarbon tests on artefacts found in the cave, in Jerusalem’s Old City, prove almost beyond doubt that it was from the same time of Christ’s death. It was made with a two-way weave – not the twill weave used on the Turin Shroud, which textile experts say was introduced more than 1,000 years after Christ lived.
Professor Shimon Gibson, the archaeologist who discovered the tomb, said ancient writings and contemporary shrouds from other areas had suggested this design, and the Jerusalem shroud finally provided the physical evidence.
The following is a small portion of the late Ruth Hurmence Green’s “The God From Galilee,” one of 41 articles in the Disinformation anthology, Everything You Know About God Is Wrong: The Disinformation Guide to Religion, edited by Russ Kick. Other contributors include Richard Dawkins, Neil Gaiman, Douglas Rushkoff, and H.G. Wells.
In this 25-page article, this archetypal gray-haired granny simply reads the New Testament — particularly the Gospels — and reports what she finds about Jesus: his insults and angry words, his deceptions, his impatience, his contradictions, his hellfire and damnation preaching, his braggadocio, his purposely confusing parables, his refusal to heal a little Gentile girl, his failure to condemn slavery, his horrible treatment of his own family, etc., etc. The results will be shocking to most Christians, and even non-Christians will be stunned to learn that everything they knew about Jesus is wrong. Here are some tasty bits from this epic article:
Jesus bases his ministry upon the assumption that the end of the world is imminent and that he will return shortly and establish the kingdom he preaches.… Read the rest
The Daily Mail reports on a hot new way to knock off the pounds: mimicking the diet of Christ. Because the scripture is all about weight loss:
Faith-based diets take the principles of Christianity and apply them to our overwhelming craving for chocolate, chips and cheese.
The trend began in America in the Eighties, but it’s finally taking hold [in Europe], with Christian weight-loss groups springing up, and dramatically increased sales of ‘spiritual dieting’ books such as Hallelujah Diet and The God Diet.
What Would Jesus Eat? author Dr. Don Colbert explains: ‘Jesus ate…lots of vegetables, especially beans and lentils. He would have eaten wheat bread, fruit, drunk a lot of water and also red wine. And he would only eat meat on special occasions.’