Monkey HorrorHumanity, look out. There is no way by causing this action, it will turn out well for all of humanity. Via the Huffington Post:

In the small village of Talwas, Rajasthan, Raju, a well-known cigarette smoking monkey, and his bride Chinki were married, according to Stuff.

Raju had become a local celebrity after Ramesh Saini, a rickshaw driver, adopted him three years ago when he found the monkey unconscious.

He’s been a surrogate son to the childless Ramesh ever since.

“I want to enjoy the feelings of a son’s marriage through Raju’s wedding.” Ramesh told the publication. “We will welcome the bride in our house … after the wedding with all rituals.”

When I read that headline I thought I must have clicked on National Enquirer or something, but no, it’s Elizabeth Landau cranking out an SEO-friendly story for CNN: You’ve read the headline,…

The more we train our fellow primates for tasks once relegated to human beings, the closer we are as a species to seeing the Statue of Liberty half-submerged in a shoreline. Sara Sidner writes on CNN:
Grey Langur Monkey

New Delhi, India — Chotu is not happy to see visitors. He is busy scratching himself and intensely surveying his surroundings when he’s approached.

He and his buddies Pinki and Mangu are in the middle of their eight-hour shifts. They have important jobs to do. They are some of more than 100,000 security forces protecting people during the Commonwealth Games in New Delhi.

But Chotu and his gang are a special force trained to put a stop to any monkeying around near the stadiums. Chotu, Pinki and Mangu are langur monkeys.

Their trainers said each one has the ability to scare off 50 potential attackers — namely the wild smaller macaque monkeys that roam the streets and buildings of Delhi.

The wild monkeys are known for some naughty habits. You can’t blame the macaques; they’re just being themselves. The wild monkeys are in a densely populated city where they occasionally have run-ins with humans — especially if there is a chance to snatch some food.

The New York Post reports on rumors that the Taliban is arming monkeys with AK-47s at the Pakistani border and training them to shoot American soldiers, using bananas as a reward. Below is a helpful CGI recreation of the Taliban’s banana-fueled monkey army, released by the Taiwanese news organization NMA.

Monkey see monkey do? or Human do, then train monkey so less humans have to do? Chinese news source, Peoples Daily Online (人民 网) reads: Afghanistan’s Taliban insurgents are training monkeys to…

Get your hands off my drink, you damn dirty ape! Michael Graham Richard writes on Treehunger:

Where Can I Get a Drink Here? Okay, this one is a bit on the light side, but I found it quite interesting as an illustration of the unintended consequences (sometimes really unintended) of introducing non-native species in foreign ecosystems. The video below shows alcoholic monkeys on the island of St. Kitts in the Caribbean. They were brought there from West Africa 300 years ago by slave traders back when the island was a rum-producing colony, and apparently they developed a taste for alcohol from eating fermented sugarcane left in the fields. Nowadays, they satisfy their liquor habit by stealing drinks from tourists: