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North Korea Declares War on the United States

By on March 30, 2013 in News 23

Golf Clap

To quote Futurama, “War were declared.”

Hopefully this is more posturing. Things could get messy quick, regionally speaking.

Snip:

It is the resolute answer of the DPRK and its steadfast stand to counter the nuclear blackmail of the U.S. imperialists with merciless nuclear attack and their war of aggression with just all-out war.

They should clearly know that in the era of Marshal Kim Jong Un, the greatest-ever commander, all things are different from what they used to be in the past.

The hostile forces will clearly realize the iron will, matchless grit and extraordinary mettle of the brilliant commander of Mt. Paektu that the earth cannot exist without Songun Korea.

Time has come to stage a do-or-die final battle.

Keep reading.

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Krampus and Kicking the Hornets’ Nest!

By on March 25, 2013 in News 7

From The Washington Post:

It sounds crazy, but there is good reason to suspect that this story, in the prominent South Korean newspaper Chosun Ilbo, could be true. According to the story, North Korea ordered its diplomats in some number of foreign embassies, including at least one in Eastern Europe, to sell illegal drugs on the streets. The diplomats, according to a defector who spoke to South Korean intelligence, were each sent abroad with 20 kilograms (about 44 pounds) of drugs and were told to raise $300,000 from the sales.

In case that is not weird enough for you, the diplomats were told that they were being asked to forgo their ambassadorial responsibilities in favor of pushing illicit drugs in order “to prove their loyalty and mark the birthday of nation founder Kim Il Sung on April 15.”

From the  BBC News Three men charged over Norwich ‘Oompa Loompas’ attack:

Police investigating an assault involving people dressed as Oompa Loompas have charged three men.

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The Pirate Bay To Team Up With North Korea

By on March 8, 2013 in News 10

Updated: The announcement of this insane-sounding collaboration turns out to be a hoax, sadly, but imagine what could have been.

An announcement of strange bedfellows by The Pirate Bay:

The Pirate Bay has been hunted in many countries around the world. Today we can reveal that we have been invited by the leader of the republic of Korea, to fight our battles from their network.

This is truly an ironic situation. We have been fighting for a free world, and our opponents are mostly huge corporations from the United States of America, a place where freedom and freedom of speech is said to be held high. And to our help comes a government famous in our part of the world for locking people up for their thoughts and forbidding access to information.

We believe that being offered our virtual asylum in Korea is a first step of this country’s changing view of access to information.

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North Korea: We Are The Weird

By on February 5, 2013 in News 13
Jonathan Capehart at the Washington Post provides some amusing commentary to what has to be the ultimate in outsider music:
Oh, North Korea. You crazy peninsula of propaganda. Usually, when the isolated nation wants attention, it talks smack about or threatens destruction of the United States. The North Korean leadership is also fond of firing off missiles to scare the bejeezus out of its prosperous South Korean neighbors. Over the weekend, North Korean state-controlled media posted a comical video on YouTube of a man who dreams of blowing up Manhattan. The cheesy instrumental version of “We Are the World” is suitably surreal. Here’s a translation of the story told by those screen captions...
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North Korea Claims To Have Discovered Ancient Unicorn Habitat

By on December 3, 2012 in News 9

The Guardian reports on North Korean cryptozoology:

The inimitable Korean Central News Agency (KCNA) has now broken the incredible news that archaeologists in Pyongyang have discovered a unicorn’s lair.

Or rather, the report says that they have “recently reconfirmed” the lair of one of the unicorns ridden by the ancient Korean King Tongmyong, founder of a kingdom which ruled parts of China and the Korean peninsula from the the 3rd century BC to 7th century AD.

The KCNA goes on to state that the location happens to be 200 metres from a temple in the North Korean capital, adding: “A rectangular rock carved with words “Unicorn Lair” stands in front…The carved words are believed to date back to the period of Koryo Kingdom (918-1392).” Archaeologists from the Academy of Social Sciences at North Korea’s History Institute were credited with making the discovery.

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North Korea Rising: Rare Earth Mineral Reserves Rival China

By on August 10, 2012 in News 6

Picture: Democratic People's Republic of Korea

Via Russia Times:

The impoverished, isolationist nation of North Korea may be on the way to becoming even more of a geo-political hotspot than it already is with the discovery of enormous deposits of rare earth minerals. As demands rise and nations scramble to take their piece of the rare earth pie, Pyongyang might find itself in a position of unheralded economic strength. Or the next war-torn battlefield…

North Korea’s is set to have the world’s second-largest magnesite reserves, and its tungsten deposits are almost the world’s sixth-largest. The country also holds sizeable deposits of coal, iron ore, gold, zinc, copper, limestone, molybdenum, and graphite.

About 40% of the 138 Chinese companies registered as doing business in North Korea in 2010, are engaged in extracting minerals, according to the U.S. Korea Institute at Johns Hopkins University.

Rich rare earths deposits are considered the most lucrative piece of the North Korean resource pie.

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North Korea’s Cafepress Shop

By on April 24, 2012 in News 5

Searching for a coffee mug or t-shirt celebrating the North Korean regime, or a giant flag to display on your front lawn? The official Cafepress shop of the Korean Friendship Association (a sort of overseas, public relations arm of the North Korean government) is here to fulfill all of your branded needs:

Official shop of the Korean Friendship Association. Here you can find official art merchandise from North Korea. Show your support to our country!!

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The Hunger Games In North Korea

By on April 9, 2012 in News 11
imagesGrimly close to a real-life version of everyone's favorite dystopian novel/movie? Guernica on author Shin Dong-hyuk, who in 2005 slipped out of North Korea through a hole in an high-voltage fence:
Born into one of North Korea’s six “complete control districts” (labor camps), which have remained virtually unnoticed by the global community despite their visibility on Google Earth, Shin was born stripped of his humanity. Classified as “irredeemable” because of an uncle’s crime against the state (fleeing the country after the Korean War), Shin was regularly overworked, abused, and starved. In Camp 14, an isolated compound about 30 miles long, Shin was taught to believe that violence was normal and snitching a duty. When. at the age of 13, he discovered that his mother and older brother were planning an escape attempt, he promptly told a prison guard. Shin’s mother and brother were brought in front of the crowded camp and shot.
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