I once had a coworker who played a game called: “Ohio or Florida?” He would read news headlines of bizarre stories/crimes and try to guess if they happened in Ohio or Florida. His theory was that 9 times out of 10, these wild tales happened in either my home-state of Ohio or Florida. I would balk at this idea because, DUH, Ohio is great.
But then, I stumble upon stories like this and I realize, fuck, he may be right. I hail from Northeast Ohio, which makes this story even more hilarious.
There is a wild defecator on the loose in Akron, OH and his preferred toilet is the hood of cars. He also enjoys smearing it around—for some reason I’d rather not know. I think we need Tina Belcher to open an investigation.
It’s unclear if the mad pooper’s motive is mischief or if he has some underlying mental health issue. Akron police say that there have been 19 confirmed cases since 2012.… Read the rest