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Scientists To Map Ozzy Osbourne’s Genetic Code To Find Out Why He is Still Alive

Ozzy Osbourne

Silly scientists, Ozzy’s still alive because he’s a werewolf. We’ve known this since the ’80s. Elizabeth Scott writes on Sky News:

Scientists are to map Ozzy Osbourne’s genetic code in a bid to find out how he is still alive after decades of drug and alcohol abuse.

The former Black Sabbath frontman is only one of a few people in the world to have his full genome analysed. It is hoped the results from the £27,000 test, which takes three months, will provide information on how drugs are absorbed in the body.

Ozzy, 61, has lived a life that would presumably kill any ordinary person. Even the singer himself cannot understand how he has survived this long, recently describing himself as a “medical miracle” after going on a “bender” for “40 years.”

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