Tag Archives | Penis

The Holy Prepuce

Григорий Распутин (1914-1916).jpg

Grigori Rasputin

I just don’t know how to introduce an essay about Christ’s foreskin, known as the Holy Prepuce, so take it away Stassa Edwards at The New Inquiry:

Europe’s history of penis worship was cast aside when the Catholic Church decided Jesus’s foreskin was too potent to control.

Grigori Rasputin’s dick is on display at the Museum of Erotics in Saint Petersburg. Housed in a jar of formaldehyde, the member, which the museum’s owner claims he obtained from a French antiquarian, is quite sizable. Actually, it’s enormous for a human penis: Wide and meaty, it measures about a foot long. According to the museum, just gazing on the preserved member can cure a range of problems, everything from infertility to a humdrum sex life. But the specimen isn’t a human penis. It more than likely came from a horse.

It wouldn’t be the first time something inhuman was passed off as Rasputin’s dick.

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Scientists: The Bigger the Meat, The More Likely She’ll Cheat

PIC: Mykl Roventine (CC)

PIC: Mykl Roventine (CC)

Well, they didn’t exactly put it that way, but…

Via Huffington Post:

Contrary to popular belief, a new study out of Kenya found that husbands with larger penises were more likely to be cheated on by their wives (shocking, we know).

For the study — published this month in PLOSOne — researchers interviewed 545 married couples in Kenya in order to better understand their relationship habits and, more specifically, to identify factors which contributed to women having extramarital affairs.

Researchers asked both partners to self-report the male’s erect penis size (they had a 15 inch ruler on hand for reference). Then, if there were differences between the estimates (which there were), they either took the average of the two or went with the estimate from the partner who was less likely to fib.

What they found was rather shocking:

“Every one inch longer penis increased the likelihood of women being involved in extra-marital partnership by almost one-and-half times,” the researchers wrote.

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Doctors Can’t Reattach Rapper Andre ‘Christ Bearer’ Johnson’s Johnson

PIC: PD

PIC: PD

Bad news for Andre “Christ Bearer” Johnson: The Wu-Tang Clan affiliated (or maybe not*) rapper cut his penis off before leaping from the balcony of his second-story North Hollywood home, and doctors are not going to be able to reattach it.

Via New York Daily News:

The Wu-Tang Clan-affiliated rapper who cut off his penis before leaping off the second-floor balcony of his North Hollywood apartment has lost the appendage for good, according to a report.

Andre Johnson — who raps under the name Christ Bearer — was rushed to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center after he apparently flayed himself during the bizarre suicide bid early Wednesday, TMZ reported.

Read the rest at the NY Daily News after you’re done given your own wedding tackle a good inspection.

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Japanese Revelers Celebrate the Penis This Month

Pic: CC

Pic: CC

It’s Kanamara Matsuri time in Japan – Huffington Post has a gallery of photos for your perusal… Via HuffPo:

Held this year on April 6, the festival is a celebration of the penis and fertility. People parade gigantic phallic-shaped mikoshi (portable Shinto shrines) down the streets during the event, as revelers suck on penis lollipops, buy penis-themed memorabilia and pose with sculptures in the shape of — you guessed it — penises.

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Short D*ck Man: Napoleon Confirmed To Have Had Tiny Penis

Pic: (PD)

Pic: (PD)

Rumors about Napoleon’s supposed teeny peeny have circulated for years. According to the Independent, the rumors are true, but how would they be able to tell unless it was somehow preserved at full salute? For that matter, are we even sure that this little guy belonged to Napoleon? Did it come with a certifi-dick of authenticity? Oh, speaking of famous phalli, Russian mystic Rasputin’s was supposedly a foot long. Click here for an NSFW pic of what is alleged to be his monster wang.

Via The Independent:

Poor Napoleon. Nearly two centuries after his death, it has been confirmed that the French military and political leader had a “very small” penis, measured at a modest one-and-a-half inches.

In what sounds like a very morbid, yet compelling, new Channel 4 series, Dead Famous DNA aims to find the remains of history’s most famous figures – from Hitler’s hair and Elvis’s DNA to Napoleon and his penis.

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Chinese Woman Awaiting Trial for Hacking Off Husband’s Penis Returns for His Balls

PIC: Uncredited (CC)

PIC: Uncredited (CC)

Apparently her husband had forgiven her after she cut off his penis. Then she came back and cut off the rest of his genitals.

Via UPI

During the first incident, Zhang reportedly crushed up sleeping pills and put them in Han Mou’s drink. When he fell asleep, she went after his private parts with some scissors and was able to flush his penis down the toilet before he woke up.

She was apparently worried that he was interested in another woman. “If he and I divorced, and that our children will have a stepmother, a terrible thing.” Zhang told China News.

Somehow Mou was able to forgive her. “I still love my wife,” he said. “She was 16 years old just like me, and gave me two sons.”

Zhang was released on bail and returned home to look after her husband and children.

According to the translation about what happened next, some time passed before Zhang became jealous again and used a syringe to inject a box of milk with crushed sleeping pills.

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Donald Duck: High Priest of the Illuminati

donald duck pentagram“You do find mathematics in the darndest places.”

-Donald Duck

Conspiracy theorists are dreadfully thorough, but I guess most of them missed this one: Donald in Mathmagic Land, the 1959 Disney featurette starring Donald Duck which teaches us about the Pythagorean cult, the pentagram, the Fibonacci Sequence, and the Golden Ratio.

As is the case with most men of influence, Walt Disney has been identified as a member of the Illuminati (or at least a pawn) by more than one conspiracy buff.  Accusations have included pedophilia, child sexual programming, occult slavery, Freemasonry ties, blah blah blah.  Pretty much, the usual.  An interesting list of some of the weirder points appears in an earlier Disinfo article by 5by5.

One recurring accusation is that the Disney films and cartoons are riddled with subliminal messages of a sexual nature. Most likely, you’ve heard of them before. A dust cloud in The Lion King spells out the word, “sex.”  A phallus shows up on the cover of The Little Mermaid.  Aladdin says, “Teenagers take off your clothes.”  The list goes on a bit.… Read the rest

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The Mars Rover Penis

The latest sensation from Mars? A penis drawing by NASA’s Mars Rover…

mars rover penis

Silly, yes, but a certain population of the Interwebs is loving it, so much so that a surge in traffic crashed NASA’s site where the image is hosted.

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