Tag Archives | Satire

10 Ways To Shut Down A Fellow Christian Who Is An American Sniper Critic

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Benjamin L. Corey writes at Patheos:

With all the chatter surrounding the new film, American Sniper: The Most Lethal Sniper in U.S. History, you might encounter a few Christian friends who are not fawning over Chris Kyle’s legacy of killing.

I don’t know where you’d see this, or why you’d see this criticism, but I’m just saying, you might. When you encounter this online, you’re going to need some handy tools to try to shut these ignorant “Christians” down since criticizing military conquests is something a Christian should never do. But, have no fear! I am here to help. I’ve studied this issue closely, and I have ten guaranteed ways to shut down a fellow Christian who is an American Sniper critic:

10. Tweet them incessantly.

You know that Bible verse about praying without ceasing? In this case, you need to apply that to Twitter. If you tweet at them once or twice, they’ll probably miss your tweet– so tweet them a good 30 times or so to make sure they are aware of your displeasure with them.

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First Human Death Confirmed From Eating GMO [Satire]

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Juan Pedro Ramos

 

Barbara Johnson via WorldNewsDaily:

Doctors of the Carlos III hospital confirmed this morning in a press conference, the first case of human death caused by the ingestion of genetically modified food. Juan Pedro Ramos died from anaphylaxis after eating some recently developed tomatoes containing fish genes, which provoked a violent and lethal allergic reaction.

This surprising announcement comes after the autopsy of the 31-year old Spanish man who died  at the Madrid hospital in the beginning of January. The young man’s health rapidly deteriorated after he suffered an unexplained allergic reaction, and all the drugs used to refrain the anaphylaxis were entirely inefficient. The team of experts claims to have been able to determine that the genetically modified tomatoes that the victim ingested at lunch were the cause of the allergic reaction that caused his death.

Mr. Ramos was working as a clerk in a Madrid warehouse on January 7, when he started feeling ill just after lunch. A number of symptoms started to manifest themselves, including a violent itchy rash, some serious swelling of the throat and a drastic drop in blood pressure.

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Google Announces Launch of SnuggleNet [Satire]

By James Curcio

As luck would have it, Google had just launched SnuggleNet, billing it as “an iPhone you could snuggle.” And you were getting no kind of affection from virtual friendships. It seemed a worthwhile purchase.

SnuggleNet is a peripheral, already connected to all the social networks you’ve been a part of since you were a child. “It knows what you need and when you need it,” the advertisements said.

After a difficult day of work, it will wrap you in a warm embrace and say, “hey, you need to watch some Venture Brothers. And fuck that, you know, thing that piece of shit @heretic357 was saying about you on Twitter—”

You will quickly discover SnuggleNet is kind of a notorious shit mouth.

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‘South Park terrorist’ sues prison, claims it’s difficult to practice Islam behind bars

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Via NY Daily News:

A wannabe terrorist serving prison time for threatening the “South Park” creators is suing his jail for allegedly hindering his ability to practice his Muslim faith.

Zachary Chesser filed a civil complaint last month against the Federal Bureau of Prisons, claiming it made it difficult for him to “fulfill Islam’s religious obligations,” the Smoking Gun reported.

Islam requires regular group worship, which the prison only allows once a week, the 25-year-old said in the hand-written complaint.

Chesser said he has tried to connect with other incarcerated Muslims: He talks to a man on the floor above him from a shower drain, but the unusual communication is “physically painful, reeks of sewage and makes it very hard to hear,” he wrote.

Chesser was convicted in 2010 on terror charges after he threatened “South Park” creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone and tried to join a Somalian terrorist group.

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Satire – The Definitive Guide to Satire: Etymology, History & Lore

Image taken from page 9 of 'The House that Jack built ... With twelve cuts. [A satire in verse on the sale of gin and beer.]'The British Library

Image taken from page 9 of ‘The House that Jack built … With twelve cuts. [A satire in verse on the sale of gin and beer.]’
The British Library via Flickr.

Via Sarcasm Society

Satire is an indirect form of critique, in that it mocks or attacks an individual or idea by proxy. Satirical speech and literature is generally used to observe and judge the “evils” or morally questionable ideals held by individuals, groups and sometimes entire cultures. The attack itself is derived from what is known as the satirist’s social motive–these critiques illustrate what the satirist, within the context of their own world view, believes is “right” based upon what they ridicule as “wrong”. Jean Weisgerber’s Satire and Irony a Means of Communication states, “Satire is manifestly directed to people. It involves the victim it attacks and the public it tries to persuade, it restores to language its full status as a means of communication, its end is rhetorical.” [1]

The purpose of satire is primarily to make the audience aware of the “truth”.

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Party At The World’s End: Birth of the Syndicate

The following is an exclusive excerpt from Party At The World’s End

There will be in the next generation or so a pharmacological method of making people love their servitude and producing dictatorship without tears, so to speak, producing a kind of painless concentration camp for entire societies so that people will in fact have their liberties taken away from them but will rather enjoy it. 

Aldous Huxley

party-at-the-worlds-endIt took Bradley a long time to realize that the horrible buzzing wasn’t emanating from a three-foot tall green goddess with udder-like breasts. Hathoor the cow-goddess had somehow been jumbled up by his subconscious, now sharing cognitive space with the green-skinned alien that Kirk tried to fuck, and the backwards-talking dwarf from Twin Peaks. She was hovering above him, her mouth wrenched open in an eternal, orgasmic wail,—that electric heat scraped his eardrums with razors, gutting his miserable brain like an acoustic fishhook.… Read the rest

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British Man Wearing Pig Mask Arrested For Impersonating A Police Officer

PIC: Manchester Evening News (C)

PIC: Manchester Evening News (C)

Really? I think he should sue (eeeeeeeeeee!).

Greater Manchester Police arrested a man who put on a pig mask, toy helmet and reflective jacket in order to perform “comical parodies” about the behavior of law enforcement officials.

New Moston man Steven Peers was arrested on suspicion of impersonating a police officer after he put on the costume to call attention to how GMP officers conducted themselves during anti-fracking protests.

The 46-year-old was arrested after being stopped by an officer outside a police station.

“My reaction to being arrested was total disbelief. I was wearing a toy hat and a pig mask and was arrested for impersonating a police officer. It’s ridiculous,” Peers told the Manchester Evening News. “If they want to take it to court they will be a laughingstock because there is no substance to it whatsoever.”

via Steven Peers wears pig mask and is arrested for impersonating a police officer – UPI.com.… Read the rest

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