Tag Archives | Sports

Lebron James Will be Better Than Michael Jordan…at Life! Take the Ride Disinfonauts, Your Psychic Sports Tribute to Ingo Swann Starts…Right Now!

You know how I know I’m not very smart? I might be able to convince myself I’m excessively clever at times, in various states of divine intoxication, but I always come back to earth. At the end of the day, my poetic super-mind basically goes blank the second a cute girl walks by or someone throws on a basketball game. All of a sudden I’m a drooling animal. Total right brain switch off. Some refer to this primal aspect lurking within ourselves as the reptilian mind. Should be noted that I also smoke a ton of pot and that’s a positive aspect of pot smoking I don’t hear too many people talk up. When you’re high a lot, you do a lot of hilariously stupid shit, which is good for your psychology because you start to find it impossible to look at yourself in too serious a light. This is good for everyone.… Read the rest

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American Football As Ritual Homosexuality

Via Outsports, in honor of the Superbowl, enjoy some excerpts from Cal-Berkeley anthropologist Alan Dundes’s classic 1978 text Into the End Zone for a Touchdown: A Psychoanalytic Consideration of American Football, which breaks down the meaning of your red-blooded Midwestern relatives’ favorite sport:

The whole language of football is involved in sexual allusions. We were told to go out and “fuck those guys”; to take that ball and “stick it up their asses” or “down their throats.” Over the years I’ve seen many a coach get emotionally aroused while he was diagramming a particular play into an imaginary hole on the blackboard. His face red, his voice rising, he would show the ball carrier how he wanted him to “stick it in the hole.”

It is highly likely that the ritual aspect of football, providing as it does a socially sanctioned framework for male body contact…is a form of homosexual behavior.

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Remembering The Day UFOs Arrived At Italy’s Fiorentina Stadium

No one has ever come up with a satisfactory explanation for the day on which an awe-inspiring fleet of UFOs brought a massive Italian soccer match to a halt in 1954. Via the BBC, witnesses describe it as transcendent:

It’s October 1954. A game between Fiorentina and nearby rivals Pistoiese is under way at the Stadio Artemio Franchi. A crowd of around 10,000 has gathered to watch. Among them is Fiorentina fan Gigi Boni. Now in his eighties Boni still has vivid memories of watching in disbelief as UFOs hovered above the stadium.

“I remember clearly seeing this incredible sight. They were moving very fast and then they just stopped. It all lasted a couple of minutes. I would like to describe them as being like Cuban cigars, in the way they looked.” The stadium fell silent as the players and fans stood transfixed, staring at these strange objects in the crisp blue autumn sky.

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Olympics Struggle With ‘Policing Femininity’

In a potential move which seems both startlingly futuristic and archaic, the Olympics may require some of the world’s top female athletes to alter their natural bodies through surgery or hormone therapy to become more similar to what the Olympics imagines a “woman” is, if they wish to compete. Time to scrap the outdated two-gender sporting system and experiment with three or more classes? The Toronto Star writes:

There are female athletes who will be competing at the Olympic Games this summer after undergoing treatment to make them less masculine. Still others are being secretly investigated for displaying overly manly characteristics, as sport’s highest medical officials attempt to quantify — and regulate — the hormonal difference between male and female athletes.

Caster Semenya, the South African runner who was so fast and muscular that many suspected she was a man, exploded onto the front pages three years ago. She was considered an outlier, a one-time anomaly.

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Britain To Install Missiles In Apartment Complexes For London Olympics

London 2012More 2012 Olympics dystopianism as a dense East London neighborhood will be turned into a military base, in the name of pole-vaulting. Robert Booth writes in the Guardian:

The Bow Quarter complex of more than 700 apartments is the first of a handful of housing developments close to the Olympic Park chosen by military planners to host high velocity rockets aimed at preventing an airborne terrorist attack on this summer’s Games.

Ministry of Defence officials will this week inform a number of other residents that their homes have been selected to become part of London’s military lockdown. The missile units will be installed and armed with dummy rockets in time for a national Olympic security exercise starting on Wednesday. The test of the government’s £1bn security plans will see RAF Typhoon fast jets and military helicopters operating above London and the home counties.

“It is rather surreal,” said Nathan Lewis, a software developer who lives in the block beneath where the weapons will be located.

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The Sniper’s Nest At Super Bowl XLVI

I suppose this makes sense, so why is it so morbid and shocking? Perhaps because every aspect of the Super Bowl is supposed to symbolize some element of the broader culture? Deadspin stumbled upon some photos of the armed-and-ready-to-shoot man who watches while you watch the big game:

According to Business Insider, the photos were taken by a ranking member of the Indianpolis SWAT team, and obtained by Alamo Four Star, maker of the tripod.

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Thousands of Idiot Penn State Students Riot Over Firing of Child Rapist’s Protector

If you think going to college means you are smart, well, here you go. Via Gawker:

Penn State students have taken to the streets of State College, Penn. tonight, flipping news vans and getting maced by cops. More protests against Wall Street greed and income inequality? Nope! It’s because Penn State fired its longtime football coach Joe Paterno for covering up child rape allegedly perpetrated by assistant coach Jerry Sandusky

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New Apple Technology Stops iPhones From Filming Live Events

Bad AppleF@ck you, Apple (had to get that out of my system). Fox News reports:

CUPERTINO, Calif. — Fans at concerts and sports games may soon be stopped from using their iPhones to film the action —as a result of new technology being considered by Apple, The Times of London reported Thursday.

The California company has plans to build a system that will sense when a person is trying to film a live event using a cell phone and automatically switch off their camera.

A patent application filed by Apple, and obtained by the Times, reveals how the software would work. If a person were to hold up their iPhone, the device would trigger the attention of infra-red sensors installed at the venue. These sensors would then instruct the iPhone to disable its camera.

Apple declined to comment.

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