Tag Archives | Thanksgiving

A Thanksgiving Day Prayer

Dear Lord Jesus Christ,

We thank You for allowing the settlers to obliterate the native inhabitants of this continent that we might more selfishly enjoy it — especially the obscenely wealthy among us.


We thank You for the slave labor we brought over from Africa to built it up and ask that You ensure those black folks stick with the program now.

We pray that You will impose restrictions on any other immigrants coming to this land now, however — if it be Your will. If not, we will take is as a sign or our great morality and bigheartedness, for which we thank You.

We thank You for the Crusades of the past and the Crusade upon us now and that we might smite our enemies like they did in the times of old.

We thank You for plausible deniability and selectively short memories that allow those in power to evade responsibility for crimes great and small — from the full blown invasion of Iraq, obliteration of Syria and Libya to the smallest hospital we blow up in Afghanistan.… Read the rest

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Forget Turducken. It’s Piecaken Time.

This is so quintessentially American I just had to serve it for y’all at Thanksgiving (via the New York Times):

Piecaken by David Burke fabrick

Piecaken by David Burke fabrick

What is piecaken, you ask?

It sounds like a figment of some weird Thanksgiving fever dream, but it’s real: three types of pie stuffed in a cake. And social media has unexpectedly crowned it as the next big thing on Thanksgiving dessert tables, a space typically reserved for the just-the-basics trifecta of pumpkin, apple or pecan pie.

Piecaken has existed in underground dessert-eating circles for years, but a Thanksgiving-inspired recipe from pastry chefs at David Burke Fabrick in New York spent some time this week on the daytime talk show circuit. It’s a spiced poundcake with layers of pecan pie and pumpkin pie, topped with upside-down apple pie, slathered in cinnamon buttercream and edged in oat struessel. Just look at this thing.

Zac Young, the executive pastry chef for David Burke Group, said Wednesday that he dreamed up the recipe four months ago with Fabrick’s pastry chef, Gian Martinez.

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Butterball Helps American Idiots

Happy Thanksgiving American disinfonauts. For some light relief amidst all that heavy eating, salivate over the idiocy of callers to the Butterball help line, courtesy of the Guardian:

Turning a 12lb bird into a meal for 10 while juggling friends and in-laws is a task that would have a St Lawrence, patron saint of chefs, reaching for the Xanax. People need help. Last year, about five million home cooks reached out to the talk line through 1-800-Butterball, butterball.com, live chat, email and social media platforms like Facebook and Twitter. On Thanksgiving day alone, the talk line answered more than 10,000 calls.

Thanksgiving Turkey

Photo: Patrick Fitzgerald


In the weeks leading up to the big day, the phone lines at the Chicago-based center are busy with callers wondering what type of turkey to buy, how to prepare it and most often how to defrost it.

People can get quite creative with their thawing solutions, said Johnson.

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Why I Hate Thanksgiving

What’s your take on Thanksgiving, American disinfonauts? Do you love all that overeating and American Football on TV, not to mention time spent with family? Mitchel Cohen (writer, activist, poet, former chair WBAI-FM Local Board (2008-2012), Brooklyn Greens, Red Balloon Collective, rabble rouser) isn’t buying into the wholesome American holiday and he explains exactly why not at his blog:

On Thanksgiving morning 2003, George W. Bush showed up in Iraq before sunrise for a photo-op, wearing an Army workout jacket and surrounded by soldiers. He cradled a platter with what appeared to be a golden-brown turkey. Washington Post reporter Mike Allen wrote that “the bird looks perfect, with bunches of grapes and other trimmings completing a Norman Rockwell image that evokes bounty and security in one of the most dangerous parts of the world.”


As the world was soon to learn (but quickly forgot), the turkey platter was a phony, a plastic decoration that Bush posed with for the cameras.

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Mall threatens to fine stores $200 an hour for being closed on Thanksgiving

Tim Sackton (CC BY-SA 2.0)

Tim Sackton (CC BY-SA 2.0)

via The Week:

So much for being home for the holidays.

A shopping mall in upstate New York has apparently threatened to fine retailers the insane sum of $200 an hour if they aren’t open at 6 p.m. on Thanksgiving.

Walden Galleria, the Buffalo mall in question, has more than 200 stores, and the mall apparently revealed the fine in a meeting of store managers last week. This year marks the first that Walden Galleria is opening in the middle of Thanksgiving, managers told The Huffington Post.

Read More: http://theweek.com/speedreads/index/271965/speedreads-mall-threatens-to-fine-stores-200-an-hour-for-being-closed-on-thanksgiving

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The Native Americans Thought That The Pilgrims Were Filthy, Irritating and Incompetent

Thanksgiving_SquantoThe Native American delegation who met with the pilgrims found them barely tolerable, but were more than happy to trade the beat-up old furs they used as blankets for useful trade goods.

Via Smithsonian Magazine:

On March 22, 1621, a Native American delegation walked through what is now southern New England to meet with a group of foreigners who had taken over a recently deserted Indian settlement. At the head of the party was an uneasy triumvirate: Massasoit, the sachem (political-military leader) of the Wampanoag confederation, a loose coalition of several dozen villages that controlled most of southeastern Massachusetts; Samoset, sachem of an allied group to the north; and Tisquantum, a distrusted captive, whom Massasoit had brought along only reluctantly as an interpreter.

Massasoit was an adroit politician, but the dilemma he faced would have tested Machiavelli. About five years before, most of his subjects had fallen before a terrible calamity.

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Thanksgiving Holiday Was Invented by the Author of ‘Mary Had a Little Lamb’ – Not the Pilgrims

61964-004-D4CDCF03Thanksgiving wasn’t even about the Pilgrims  – or even a holiday – until the 19th century.

Via the Washington Post:

In 1789, George Washington declared Thursday, Nov. 26, a Thanksgiving holiday, but only for that year, and it wasn’t connected to the Pilgrim feast but rather intended as a “public thanksgiving and prayer” devoted to “the service of that great and glorious Being who is the beneficent Author of all the good that was, that is, or that will be.”

Enter a 19th-century author, poet and magazine editor named Sarah Josepha Hale. She was editor of the influential Godey’s Lady’s Book for 40 years, from 1837 to 1877, when she was nearly 90 years old. She and her husband David Hale had five children, and when he died in 1822, she wore black for the rest of her life. Hale was an education advocate and, through the magazine she edited, became a famous figure in the country who set fashion, reading and cooking trends.

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